Vindicated
by WhirledPeace
Summary: Akatsuki isn't just a group in this life. They're a group of people, most with a destined lover, being reborn every generation or so. They can't keep away from each other, and most of all, their parnters. Yaoi, YURI, lemons, KakuHi SasoDei etc.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Have any of you heard the song 'Vindicated' by Dashboard Confessionals? How many of you have thought of a KakuHidan story because of it? Ok, so maybe I'm the only one who hears stories when I listen to songs, but this one is totally them! If you haven't heard the song, here are the lyrics:

/music/lyric.nsf/Vindicated-lyrics-Dashboard-Confessional/40853031FF53E36048256E8E000693EA

Hidan stood before the window, early morning light streaming in. The crimson of his blood against the paleness of his skin shone in an unearthly glow, and last night's sacrifices seemed almost to fade away in the light. Against the light, Hidan held his pendant with Jashin's symbol, the light catching it in a dazzling array of sparkles as it slowly spun on its chain. "I put my hope with you, Jashin," Hidan murmured. "may those sinners be able to redeem themselves through you, oh Jashin," Hidan continued. I watched from the shadows, my eyes glued to the pendant. It gleamed in an almost ethereal light. I see now what moves people to religion. It is mere spectacles, or illusions that make them believe in the supernatural.

Hidan craned his head back at a near inhuman angle to gaze directly back at me with his muddy pink eyes. "You thinking about converting, heathen bastard?" he asked. I shook my head, stepping out of the shadows. Though how illogical his little ritual was, I was captivated by it.

"You'd like that too much, wouldn't you?" I replied. "We have to get going. Put your shirt on and let's go," Hidan rolled his eyes.

"I never said I was finished," he said. "give me five more minutes and I'll be done," I growled slightly, irritated by his insistence on completing useless rituals to a god both of us- I hoped- knew didn't exist. I sometimes wondered if Hidan just made up his religion to annoy me. I sighed as I stepped back into the shadows, knowing that must be half-true.

* * *

For the records, I gave him seven minutes. Finally, he finished up- with my help, of course- and we were able to leave the village. We had completed our mission the day before, and then Hidan had said he needed to completely annihilate the village on the grounds he hadn't obliterated a town off the maps for three weeks now, and Jashin considered anything less than complete and total destruction a sin. I told him exactly where he could stick his destruction, and nearly lost an arm for it. So we stayed for another day, Hidan killing and I collecting lost assets of the dead. There would be nobody left to collect them, I reasoned, by the time Hidan was done. Once all the villagers were sacrificed to Jashin, and Hidan had completed all the unnecessary prayers, we left.

* * *

"My beliefs are vindicated," Hidan stated as we walked away from the wreckage of the village. "I shall uphold them and continue to preach destruction to whoever will listen,"

"No wonder I haven't ever heard you preach," I said. He glared at me.

"Jashin will not have those who scoff at him as his followers," he said.

"That's pretty selfish. If I were Jashin, I'd take whoever I could get," I said.

"Jashin's followers are not wrong," he said.

"You may not be wrong, but I'm right," I said. 'I swear I'm right. I've known what is real all my life.' I thought to myself.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know, I bet all of you are thinking 'Mon Dieu! Where has WhirledPeace gone? And why the fuck hasn't this story been updated?' Well, the answer is quite long and complicated, because I was writing this back when I was also writing 'Read My Mind', and then I wrote 'The Luckless Liars'. I realised it was easier to write things WITHOUT songs. So I ditched the song, and changed everything up. Here's the new summary:

SUMMARY: The Akatsuki are not only an organisation in Naruto world, but whenever they're reborn, they have to find each other. Au warning.

* * *

I watched the flames of our fire and listened to Kakuzu's breathing. 'You're flawed. No one can be perfect.' His words rang over in my head, my reply was merely asking him if he was perfect. What was perfection? I had achieved perfection years ago, and by it I received my immortality. If immortality wasn't perfection, what was? I looked down at the rosary I clutched in my hands, almost desperately. Perhaps there was a flaw in my logic. But how could I be flawed? I, the one Jashin had blessed with immortality, I, who he protected and loved? I kicked the fire angrily, and he opened an eye. "What are you doing?" he asked, his voice sending shivers down my spine. I glared at him.

"I am perfect!" I snarled. Kakuzu sat up, watching me lazily.

"Oh?"

"I've achieved immortality! I'm perfect!" I looked down at Kakuzu, our eyes meeting in a deadly glare that would leave any weaker person sobbing.

"Who said that?" Kakuzu asked. "Who said immortality was perfection?"

"I say!"

"So why bother telling me if you've achieved perfection in your own eyes?" I looked at Kakuzu. I got the message. 'Isn't your own opinion worth more than mine?'. I leaned down, looking into Kakuzu's eyes. Maybe he couldn't feel it. Maybe this tension, like my life was incomplete, like my very existence was off. Like everything was moved three centimeters to the left. Maybe he didn't feel like that. Maybe he hadn't ever known what having things the right way was like. But for some reason, this had only started recently. I had been happy before. I had been devouted to my god and prayers, killing mindlessly and being happy and free. Now he had come along, and everything was wrong. I couldn't place it. A continual aggravation in the core of my being. It was all his fault.

The silence was suffocating. Kakuzu was silent by nature, but now neither of us even breathed. For a flash of a second, I thought he might be feeling the same as me. Now was the moment of truth. If I could throw all caution, I might be able to right this wrong. Our faces were close now, unblinking eyes just staring at each other. What would I have to do to right this? What did my body need?

I grabbed his mask and pulled it down, our lips gently touching. He stayed still for a moment, before grabbing me and pushing me away. A stone dropped in my stomach as he glared at me.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" he growled.

"What the hell do you mean?" I shrieked. He pushed me back further, standing up to loom over me. His mask was already pulled back up. I couldn't even see what I had kissed. He glared down at me with such venom I found myself fearing for my immediate safety.

"What was that for?" he asked, voice low, dark, and dangerous. I couldn't read his emotions. I got up, glaring at him as well. So he didn't feel as I did.

"I'm not allowed to indulge myself a little?" I cried. I felt as if I had been town in two. Why? What was with all these feelings? It was like a me who wasn't me was calling out to him, begging for something.

"I didn't even think you would stoop as low as to take advantage like that," he growled. I blinked at him.

"What do you mean?" He stepped closer.

"You know exactly what I mean, Hidan," he said.

"So you don't feel the same way as me!" I screamed. "So you hate me, like you always say! So we fucking aren't meant! So?" I looked away from him, not exactly wanting him to see my weakness. Nobody said a word, not even a sound, and not even a move. Everything was still. I was the first to move. I looked up at him, facing him. He was staring at me, arms crossed over his chest. But I saw it in his eyes. He wanted to, oh so badly. He wanted to believe I wasn't being my usual stupid self and fucking with his emotions. He wanted to, but he couldn't allow himself. But most importantly, it was there. I knew that he at least didn't hate me. On a gamble, I stood on my toes, grabbing the front of his shirt. "Prove me wrong?" I whispered before crushing our lips together. He punched me.

I woke up with a groan, looking up and finding his green eyes trained on me. "You hit me," I said. He nodded.

"Yes. Yes I did."

"Why?"

"Because you touched me."

"But- but you liked it, didn't you?" I cried. He nodded, slowly. Assured, I lay back. "So you hit me because…?"

"You touched me." I looked at him. He smirked ever so slightly. "You can't expect me to be that easy, Hidan. It doesn't matter if it's true love."

"What?" I cried, sitting up and staring at him. "But if we both liked it-" He glared at me.

"I'm not that easy, Hidan. You can't expect to say a few words, confess a few feelings, and then be able to touch me." Oh yes, the little bastard was smirking. I was a man of action, not waiting around to build up trust and shit! I wanted everything, right now! I got up, walking over to him. He stood up, facing me.

"Do you hate me?" I demanded. He nodded. "Do you love me?" He nodded. My brow furrowed, his deep concepts making my brain hurt. I wasn't meant for thinking very much. "So what do you want?" He shrugged, just looking at me.

"I know what I would like, and I know you would like it as well, but not now. Not here."

"Why the fuck not?" I demanded.

"I'm still not convinced. If there's anything in your blackened heart besides lust, time will tell."

"So a heartfelt confession wouldn't do?" He laughed.

"Hidan, you've never done anything heartfelt in your stupid life. You're a manipulative bastard who doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself and your stupid god." I'd heard this all before. He'd always say it. But now, it stung.

"So you don't trust me?" I screamed. Kakuzu sighed.

"If ever I were in trouble in battle, I'd never doubt you'd help me out. But I only have one heart-" Kakuzu glared as I made to say some snide remark, "-metaphorically speaking. That takes trust of a different kind." I sighed. Of course I would pass his little test. I was damn sure all this stupid emotion would still be here even when I was a hundred years old. Kakuzu noticed my dejection. "I may not be convinced, but I'm still convincible."

* * *

I lay in the grave that stupid bastard had dug for me. I lay, my body strewn in a million shards. I lay, in immense pain, facing my eminent demise. I lay, thinking of him. It wasn't fair I should die. It just wasn't. And I knew he was going to die as well. It wasn't fair. Only last night had we made love. Only last night had he finally admitted he trusted me. Only last night had we exchanged confessions of undying love. After all this time, all this bonding and trusting and absolute _shit_, we were doomed to die alone. It just wasn't fair! I was in the most agony of my immortal life, and all I could fucking think about was Kakuzu! Damn that Shikamaru bastard, damn Konoha, damn Akatsuki, and damn Kakuzu! If I could scream, I would've. 'Hidan.' I sighed. It was the familiar and benevolent voice of Jashin.

"Hai, Jashin-sama," I said meekly.

'He is dead.'

"I fucking know that."

'You cannot complete rituals incapacitated like this. You, too, will soon die.'

"I fucking know that! Why did it have to happen like this? We finally… last night…"

'I wouldn't let it bother you.'

"Bother me? I'm about to die, and I shouldn't let it bother me?!"

'Things will turn out better next time.'

"What the fuck do you mean 'next time'?!" Jashin only chuckled.

'You'll see…'

* * *

Hidan woke up and groaned. With a sigh he rolled over to see his beautiful lover, still asleep beside him. He smiled at her, but then his expression faltered, and he leapt out of bed. He ran into the bathroom and was promptly sick into the toilet. The noise aroused his girlfriend, and she slipped out of bed, coming to Hidan's side.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked, concerned. Hidan brushed her off.

"Probably just a bug or something," he said. Though he only said it to allay her fears. When she reached out to touch him, he drew back, body almost acting on its own. "I'd hate to get you sick, doll. I'm just going to take a shower and see how I feel after that." She nodded, looking sympathetically at him as she stepped back, allowing him the bathroom to himself. Hidan sighed, closing the bathroom door and stepping into the shower, turning on the cold nozzle. He had to think. Had he eaten something really bad? No, just the takeout Chinese they both had had last night… maybe Ino's stomach was tougher. Hidan snickered to himself. He usually wasn't this hard on her, but today seemed different. He could usually take women with a grain of salt, at least, the women he knew needed to be taken that way. Hidan slapped his face lightly. What was up with him? He loved Ino, she was the best thing that ever happened to him! Well, that, and the fact she looked exactly like his ex-boyfriend- Hidan sighed. He really was in a strange mood today. He stepped out of the shower, not seeing the benefits of his little self-torture ritual this morning. He toweled off, gelled his hair, and decided to get out of the apartment.

Hidan found Ino in the kitchen, sipping her coffee. "I'm heading off to work. See you tonight?"

"Yeah, sweetie." Hidan stepped out of the apartment, hoping the brisk air would clear his head like the cold shower hadn't. It didn't. He walked down the stairs, finding his way to the parking garage, still completely zoned out. Not a smile could grace his face, even when he set eyes and hands upon his baby, his pride and joy. He carefully straddled his motorcycle, strapping on a helmet and heading out to work.

After running two red lights and nearly running over an old lady, Hidan came to the familiar building. Yup, this was his home. Akatsuki Magazine. He walked through the doors, trying his best to calm his nerves. Something was up, he would probably need to see a doctor. He knew when he had endearing thoughts about his ex-boyfriend, something was definitely up. Maybe he just wasn't in the mood for pussy-

"Hidan! Get over here!" Ah, that could only be one person- his boss. He turned around, and- "Hidan, I know you were probably up all last night shagging that girl of yours, but please, don't stare at the newcomer!" Hidan bounded up to the pair, his blue-haired boss standing next to a tall, dark, modestly dressed man. "Kakuzu, I'm sorry, this is our model, Jashin Hidan. I'm truly sorry you'll have to be working closely with him, but we needed a photographer. The timed camera just wasn't working. Hidan, please, no drooling." Hidan quickly wiped at his mouth.

"Sorry. Just not feeling well," he mumbled, doing his best to act like it as well. Weird, he thought, I **was **feeling bad. Maybe I'll forget that doctor's appointment.

"Hidan, this is Kakuzu, your new photographer. And, please, this man has dignity. Don't reduce him to screaming and balling, like you did the last one."

"Bastard deserved it," Hidan mumbled. Konan rolled her eyes.

"Right. And don't do anything stupid, please. I know it's hard for a male like you, but this one is going to work out." Konan gave him a sharp look before turning on her heel and marching away. Hidan sighed.

"Right. Um, I'm Jashin Hidan," he said, extending his right hand. Kakuzu looked at it for a moment, before shaking it quickly.

"Kakuzu."

"You speak good English. I thought you might be a foreigner."

"I speak English well," Kakuzu corrected. "I just recently moved from Japan."

"I see. Well, come on, I'll introduce you to everyone." Hidan turned and continued down the hall, stopping at the first cubicle. "This is our main male article writer, Hoshigaki Kisame. He writes about outdoorsy stuff like peeing on trees and fishing. Kisame! Oi!" A blue skinned man looked up from his computer, grinning.

"Hey," he said lazily.

"This is Kakuzu, the knew photographer."

"Ah. Hang in there, brave soul," Kisame said, laughing slightly.

"Oh ha ha, Kisame," Hidan shot. "Anyway, be nice, he's new."

"And he's working with you. That's even more reason to be nice." Hidan growled in rage. "Oh, and Itachi's having a bad day, so talk to him at your own risk. You might get a dictionary in the face."

"Will do." Hidan turned around and walked to the next one, and promptly continued. "We'll come back to that one. Here, this one is Itachi's." They came to another cubicle, where a man sat with his back to the door. "Itachi-san, there's a newcomer," Hidan said. The man turned lazily, a pair of dark glasses covering his eyes.

"Hn," he said without moving his face.

"Kakuzu, this is Uchiha Itachi, famous for relinquishing his family fortune, but most famous around here for being Kisame's bitch." The man promptly threw a book at Hidan with deadly accuracy.

"By the hollow sound, I assume it hit your head," Itachi said.

"Nope, hit my chest," Hidan replied. "Itachi does most of our editing and publishing because he's the only one with sense around here."

"I hate the fact you're right," Itachi sighed. "I'm the only one with brains. Oh, excluding Konan, of course. But she just runs the place. Try not to run this photographer out, I overheard Konan saying she would castrate you if anything else happened." Hidan shivered.

"I don't doubt she would. Anyway, get back to reading." Itachi sighed.

"It's one of Zetsu's articles. He's completely illegible."

"Maybe you're holding it upside down?"

"I, unlike you, have never had this problem. I can read, you know," Itachi said coolly. "But he has so many conflicting viewpoints, it's scary."

"Maybe he forgot to take his medication."

"Who knows. It's either that, or he's high."

"Right. Anyway, I hope that article gets sorted out."

"Thank you. I hope you keep this one with his sanity." Hidan sighed and turned, motioning for Kakuzu to follow him.

"Itachi's completely blind. We print things in brail so he can read it and edit it. It's a bit tedious, but we wouldn't give him up for the world." Kakuzu nodded slowly. "Right. Um, next is Zetsu. He's bipolar, so no telling what he'll be like. Just be prepared for the worst." Hidan walked the rest of the way to the next cubicle and stuck his head in. "Hey, Zetsu. I have someone here for you to meet." A man with dyed green hair and a half pale, half dark complexion looked up lazily.

"Hai, Jashin-san?" he said emotionlessly.

"This is Kakuzu, our new photographer." Zetsu looked him up and down, then went back to his computer.

"Nice to meet you," he mumbled.

"Itachi doesn't like your article."

"Well Itachi needs to get laid."

"He's not the only one," Hida muttered.

"Either you are referring to yourself, or I am to take offense and forcefully reek my revenge."

"All right, all right! I need to get laid." Zetsu said nothing, his fingers flying over the keys. Hidan sighed and they left.

"He's a bit weird, but he gives the political side of our magazine. He's a brilliant man, but a bit insane. He was in a crib fire when he was little, and half his skin had to be surgically replaced."

"I see."

"Well then, that just leaves the one who gives the female side of things. That would be… Deidara." Hidan turned around and marched back up the hall to the cubicle they had skipped. "This would be Deidara." Kakuzu saw a blond lying his head down on the desk, back to the door. "Do you have a hangover, a sore ass, or writer's block?" Hidan asked.

"All three, un," Deidara mumbled.

"I have someone for you to meet." Deidara instantly perked up, swiveling around in his chair to see Kakuzu. He had a metal thing over his left eye that curved down his jaw, ending slightly before his chin.

"Hi, un!" he said happily. "Don't let Hidan scare you, he's a real push over, un."

"Ahem. Right. Kakuzu, this is Deidara, he writes the more feminine articles about clothing, and also has an 'Ask Sarah' column. He's the closest we have to a straight woman. And he's also my ex-boyfriend." Deidara gave Kakuzu a radiant smile.

"But really, give him a nice shove, down a set of stairs preferably, and he goes over like a cow, un." Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Deidara's really a softy. All you have to do is staple his finger and it goes right through." Deidara glared.

"Anyway, don't let him intimidate you, un," Deidara said. "By the way, is Itachi in a good mood, un?"

"He threw a book at me, but he was reading Zetsu's article, so I can't rightly say."

"Oh dear, un."

"Why?"

"I slept with his brother, un." Hidan stared at Deidara for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"You are so busted! Get ready to be castrated!"

"Shut up, un! I was drunk, un!" Deidara cried, looking like he feared for his life.

"Oh come on, not like you were using your testicles anyway," Hidan said. Deidara glared.

"Well I just won't tell him, un," Deidara resolved. Unfortunately, Itachi had left his cubicle and was standing beside Hidan.

"What was that about my brother?" he asked, raising a single eyebrow.

"Um…" Itachi brandished his stick. Hidan slipped out and dragged Kakuzu down the hall.

"Deidara doesn't think too often, and gets himself in the weirdest predicaments. As for his eye, it was his dad- no, his uncle, maybe- that got him with a knife and cut right through his eye. That thing helps him see."

"You two seem oddly close for exes," Kakuzu noted.

"Oh, yeah. Kind of strange, isn't it? We fought like that even when we were together. But I guess it all had to do with how it ended."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. A few months ago we were kissing one morning, and then suddenly we both ran off to the bathroom and were sick. When we got back, neither of us wanted to be touched, and we just stared at each other. It was like we weren't meant to be together in the first place, just meant to be friends, you know?" Kakuzu shrugged.

"Sort of," he said.

"Yeah. Anyway, let's go to the boss and see what the dominatrix has for us today." Hidan said. A scream emanated through the hall just then.

"Itachi-sama, he looked a lot like that other guy, I swear! And this morning he assured me he was straight, un! Gah, I'm buying you a dog, un!" Hidan chuckled with sadistic pleasure.

"That'll be Deidara getting his hair pulled. He's such a bitch about it." Kakuzu glanced over his shoulder lazily.

"I see."

"Anyway, let's get to Konan's office and see what we'll be doing." Hidan lead the way down the hall to the very end, where an actual office was. He knocked politely on the door, and then opened it. "Konan-san, what's our assignment for today?" he asked. Konan looked up from her papers and glared at Hidan.

"That brat wrote a stupid article on the perfect man. No- scratch that, he just contradicted himself. But it's just some personal notes on love and gushy shit that sounds great if you don't know how sarcastic he is about love."

"So what's the problem?"

"You, Hidan, are our model. Unless Kakuzu is a damn good photographer- which I'm not saying he isn't- how are we going to make you look innocent?"

"What do you mean? Here, give me that article!" Hidan reached over and grabbed the papers. "Caring, generous, blah, blah, blah… keeps his mind off his dick? Thinks with the right head? My God, he must've been having sex while writing this!"

"No matter, it's passed my seal of approval and is off to Itachi for editing. Maybe you don't have to pose for it, if you can find me an equally good picture." Hidan sighed.

"Fine. Our only perfect man is blue, anyway."

"Don't let Itachi hear you say that."

"He won't, he's beating the shit out of Deidara for sleeping with his brother." Konan raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"Yup. This might be Deidara's last article, I'd better take a good picture. You know, if we had a woman I could pose with, I'm pretty sure it could work." Konan stood up, walking over to Hidan.

"You forget I'm three inches taller than you. If you want to call up your girlfriend, be my guest." Hidan shivered. "Did you two get in a fight?"

"Uh, no, I'm still just feeling a little sick. I'll see what I can do. What else?"

"Kisame wrote an article about fishing."

"Oh joy."

"You only hate it because you're sick of it. I'm sure it's very interesting to normal men, isn't it?" Konan asked, turning to Kakuzu. Kakuzu shrugged.

"I wouldn't know," he replied shortly. Konan shrugged.

"Ok then, ask the next normal man you see, all right?" Hidan sighed.

"So we need fishing, the perfect man, and what else?"

"Zetsu hasn't finished his, Itachi's still proofreading and editing part of it. Kisame's going to do something about ideal places for camping trips and evaluate a few, so you can just tag along and get some pictures. Got it?"

"Yup. Come on, Kakuzu, let's go," Hidan said, leaving the office. Kakuzu bowed to Konan, and followed Hidan.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey all, tell your friends about this story! It's really good, I swear! XD Review, too, it makes me happy!

* * *

"So, where are you from?"

"Japan. I moved to California with my roommate a few months ago. I've been going from job to job, until I found this one."

"How interesting. I'm Japanese as well, you know."

"How interesting."

"You're not much of a talker, are you?" Hidan said, picking up his camera and snapping a gorgeous view of the bay.

"Not really, no."

"That's all right, I can talk enough for the both of us. Hey, can I ask your advice on something?"

"Shoot."

"Well, you've been in relationships before, right?"

"A few," Kakuzu shrugged.

"Right. Well, I have this girlfriend, and I really like her. But it's sort of died, you know? Not officially, just sort of recently. Do you have any advice?"

"She wasn't a replacement for anyone, was she?" Kakuzu asked. Hidan paused, turning to face his new chum.

"I never thought of that," he mused. "You know, she looks exactly like Deidara. So what are you saying?"

"You can't replace the real thing forever."

"You're brilliant, man. Seriously. Maybe you should take over for Sarah." Kakuzu shrugged, looking away. It had been a week of things like this. A week of their strange, usually one sided conversations, with Hidan jabbering and trying to find more out about this strange man. And now, Hidan thought he might have sufficient information to contact Kakuzu outside of work.

* * *

Kakuzu sighed, lumbering into the apartment and throwing himself on the couch. A red haired head peeked from the kitchen. "What's up?" asked Sasori, leaning against the doorframe. Kakuzu grunted. Sasori sighed, walking over to the couch and sitting down next to Kakuzu. "Well, you might not be in the mood, but I lost my job."

"What?" Kakuzu cried, sitting up and staring at Sasori. Sasori shrugged.

"I just got laid off, is all."

"How are we going to pay rent?"

"Relax, they owe me a month's pay anyway. I'll just have to get another job."

"I can put in a word with you at Akatsuki, if you want." Sasori shrugged again.

"If you think it'll help."

"I do. They're actually people there, and they listen to what other people have to say. I think you'd like it."

"As long as it's a job," Sasori replied. "It seems like nothing's really been working out for us. Well, until you got hired at Akatsuki. Maybe that place will work it's magic on me as well."

"Maybe."

"So how was your day?"

"Oh, as annoying and elevating as usual."

"That Hidan guy?"

"Yes. He gets under my skin like no one else. But…"

"But?"

"But, it's like if he went away, I wouldn't be me. Sort of like a heart shaped bruise…"

"Please, do elaborate. I don't quite follow."

"It's sort of what having a sibling is like, I guess. Sort of like they're there, and you can't get rid of them, and you want to rip their head off, but without them, there wouldn't be anything."

"It seems to me you have some strange, left over and not dealt with feelings. You're around this guy a lot, it's not surprising such feelings would come out towards him." Sasori sighed. "Besides, you need to get laid. You haven't had sex in forever." Kakuzu glared.

"Thank you for pointing that out," he sighed. They both knew the last time, it had been them two. And that was years ago. Sasori had had a few lovers since then, nothing really permanent, but all at least rising to the position of shagging. Kakuzu hadn't even touched another person with sexual intent. Though they both knew it was completely over, Kakuzu really wasn't interested in anyone.

"So is he taken or something?"

"Yes, he has a girlfriend."

"Oh. Well, is she going to be out of the picture soon?"

"I think. She looks exactly like his ex-boyfriend, so they'll probably get back together."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, she's a bitch and can't stay around long."

"Strong language for you," Sasori said. "And anyway, I'm sure there's got to be some time you can bang him."

"Not everything has to do with sex, Sasori."

"I know. But life does."

* * *

Konan stormed into the building, banging once on each wall of every cubicle until she came to her office. She quickly slammed the door behind herself. Kakuzu and Hidan exchanged a glance. Deidara's head peeked over the top of his cubicle. "Is it that time of month again, un?" he asked.

"Yup. Bills are due," Hidan replied.

"She's not the best at math, but better than anyone else here, un," Deidara sighed. "If everyone wasn't dumb, it wouldn't be so hard on her, un. To think, she'll never get married, but she still has to take care of men, un."

"She could get married," Hidan mused. Deidara sighed, shaking his head.

"So could you, un. What's up with Ino, un?" Hidan shrugged, not really wanting to tell Deidara it was starting to go like their relationship had. But then Deidara pulled out two tickets, flourishing them in Hidan's face. "For you and Ino, un. A night's stay a t a spa, yeah." Hidan took the tickets.

"Where the hell did you get these?"

"Sasuke gave them to me to make up for some shit he said, un. Told me to take my boyfriend, un. But since you and Ino need it more than me, I'm being generous and giving them to you, un."

"Wow. Thanks! This is just what we need!" Hidan leaned forward and pecked Deidara's lips friendlily. "Get back to work, you'll have to show Itachi your best writing if you want to live." Deidara rolled his eyes and retreated into his cubicle. Kakuzu was looking at Hidan.

"You two seem really close for exes," he said. Hidan shrugged.

"I do it with everyone, but last week I was sick," he replied.

"So things aren't going so well with Ino-san?"

"I don't know," Hidan replied shortly. Konan suddenly threw the door to her office open.

"Kakuzu! Get your ass in here!" Kakuzu and Hidan walked forward. "No, Hidan, beat it! I only want to talk to Kakuzu!" Hidan lurked back as Kakuzu entered the dark office. Konan was dressed in a pair of jeans and boots, a t-shirt on her toned torso. She sat on the desk, looking intently at him. "That friend of yours, what do you think he could write about?" she asked.

"Art, mostly."

"Deidara can do that."

"He's not afraid to say anything. He can write about news in other nations, celebrities, anything you really tell him." Konan sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I'll manage finances, if you need me to. I hear not working is the best stress reliever." Konan quirked a small smile.

"You really know how to get your way, don't you?"

"He got laid off, I think he needs a job pretty badly."

"Can he write about science?"

"Sure."

"Art and science, those sound like good columns. You talk to him, and I'll give him a shot if you bring him in tomorrow."

"Arigato, Konan-san."

"But you're managing the books, regardless," she replied.

"I don't care, I don't mind working with money." Konan rolled her eyes, smiling.

"How are you and Hidan getting along?"

"Well, I'd say," Kakuzu replied.

"How about the others? Zetsu isn't too weird, is he?"

"No, everyone else is just fine."

"Good. You like it here?"

"Yes, very much."

"Good. Well then, you can go track down Hidan and get to work." She stood and walked back around the desk, and the conversation was over.

* * *

"Konan-san, this is Akasuna Sasori," Kakuzu said. Sasori bowed respectfully.

"Ah, good. Hidan! Introduce Sasori to everyone!" Hidan came out of Deidara's cubicle.

"I was talking to Sarah," he complained.

"Sarah doesn't exist. Sasori, this is Hidan. Hidan, this is Sasori, a new writer. He'll be covering art and science." Hidan walked over to Konan, draping himself over her shoulders.

"Aw, Konan-chan! I was having a really nice conversation!" Konan sighed and reached into her purse, pulling out a knife.

"Do you know what this is?" she asked. "It's a castration knife. Either you get your hands off me, or you'll have to be bottom for the rest of your life." Hidan quickly let go, backing away slowly. Konan replaced the knife and walked back to her office.

"All right, Sasori! Right this way! Oh, Kakuzu, you can wait for me in the dark room, right?" Kakuzu didn't say anything, simply leaving. Hidan turned to Sasori. "So, you two are roommates?"

"Yeah."

"You'd better be more talkative than he is," Hidan warned. Sasori shrugged.

"If the topic interests me, you'll find I am quite loquacious." Sasori smirked. Hidan sighed.

"Come on, then. You need to meet the gang." Hidan led the way to Kisame's cubicle. "This is Kisame. He writes the manly stuff." Kisame looked up, smiling at the newcomer.

"Hey," he said. Sasori said nothing. Hidan sighed.

"Sasori, you're really starting to piss me off," he warned. Sasori shrugged.

"Hello, Kisame-san," Sasori stated, looking bored. Kisame sighed. Hidan, deciding to end this soon, slipped away and walked to Itachi's cubicle.

"This is Uchiha Itachi," he said.

"Forgive me for not turning around, but I'm busy," Itachi said, not even moving. Hidan wrinkled his nose. They continued past Deidara's cubicle, mainly because Hidan didn't want to clean up this Sasori when Deidara decided to beat the shit out of him.

"Down there is Zetsu, he probably doesn't want to be disturbed right now. That only leaves… Deidara." Hidan retraced his steps back to Deidara's cubicle. "Deidara, we've hired someone else." Deidara looked up, smiling slightly at Sasori.

"Hello, un," he said. Sasori said nothing, just stared. Deidara rolled his eye, looking to Hidan. "Another one that doesn't talk, un? Let's hope he can write, yeah."  
"Deidara, was it?" Sasori finally said, pushing past Hidan to stand directly in front of Deidara. Deidara nodded, smiling a little wider.

"Are you a natural redhead, un?" he asked.

"Depends, are you a natural blond?" Deidara snickered.

"You'd better take him out of here, yeah," Deidara said to Hidan. "We might just sit here exchanging flirty banter for the rest of the day, un." Hidan glared at the pair. They hit it off first thing. That never happened to him. Whenever he met anyone new, they always- what was he thinking? He had a beautiful girlfriend waiting for him at home, begging to be kissed and fondled and…

"Come on, Sasori," Hidan sighed.

* * *

"And this is your solution to our dilemma?" Konan asked, raising an eyebrow. Zetsu nodded.

"I assure you, he's the best worker ever. He can't do smart things, like write, but he can make copies, take phone calls, manage subscriptions, whatever you want." Konan scrutinized the young man before her.

"It seems we have a few friends putting in good words here," she said. "What's your connection to him?"

"I knew his aunt. I promised I would take care of him once she died. He needs a job." Konan smiled.

"Well then, welcome aboard, Tobi."

"Thank you so much, ma'am!" the man cried, grinning happily. Konan quirked an eyebrow.

"Call me Konan-san," she said. "You do anything anyone tells you, and answer the phones. Got it?"

"Yes Konan-san!"

"Good. Off you go." Tobi rushed out of the room. Konan turned to Zetsu. "He doesn't have any mental disabilities, does he?"

"No. He just acts young, that's all. He can be quite serious."

"Ok, whatever. Just as long as nothing is sprung on us." Konan grinned. "Oh, and don't forget: this Saturday, my apartment."

"Of course. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

* * *

"Explain it to me again. We're going to our boss' apartment- a woman, if I might add- to laze around and watch football?"

"That's the idea, Sasori. They say it's a company tradition."

"But- don't you think this is a bit out of place?"

"They're weird, all right? It's expected, and we're going to do it, all right?" Sasori sighed, closing his book.

"Is Deidara going to be there?"

"Yes. Everyone is." Sasori rolled over on the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

"How old is he?"

"Who?"

"Deidara."

"I don't know. What's with your sudden obsession?"

"Nothing. I've just heard a few things, and he looks a bit young to have done some of them."

"Well I don't know." Sasori sighed.

"Well how about you?"

"What about me?"

"You and Hidan. Has he gotten rid of that woman yet?"

"No. Deidara gave him two tickets to a spa, and he's been trying his hardest to work things out."

"Oh. Tough break."

"I don't mind," Kakuzu lied. "I mean, what? I've only known him a month." Sasori sighed.

"I've heard of people getting married in less time. You can at least get another best friend." Kakuzu sighed.

"Maybe I'll just ask Sarah," he said. Sasori laughed.


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone was already there when Kakuzu and Sasori arrived. The television was on, and people were setting up snacks. "Hey!" Hidan greeted. He was dressed in a lazy pair of jeans, his shirt unbuttoned to expose his tasty chest. Kakuzu sighed, he shouldn't have thoughts like that about his co-workers. It was just wrong. Konan brought out a bowl of chips and plopped herself down in the middle of the couch. Kakuzu was, frankly, surprised. She wore a pair of baggy jeans that looks sort of like a man's, with a large, baggy t-shirt. At work she usually wore a tad of makeup, just to make her look a bit more professional, but today she had none, and still looked striking. She seemed completely comfortable hanging out with a bunch of guys and watching football for the afternoon. Kisame came out then, wearing a casual pair of pants and shirt. Itachi was on his arm, stick in his other hand. He was dressed a bit more uptight, but still nothing special. Tobi was bouncing around somewhere, no one really caring what he did as long as he didn't go into Konan's bedroom. Zetsu was sitting in some chair in the corner, not wanting to associate much with mortals. Deidara was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a tad more eyeliner than he usually did. He gave Sasori a radiant smile, then sat down next to Itachi, an end table between them.

Kisame sat down on the couch to the left of Konan, and Kakuzu sat to her right. Hidan, seeing no chairs available as Sasori grabbed one, pulling up close to Deidara and Itachi, he lay down with his head in Kisame's lap. Tobi eventually settled at the foot of the couch, sitting happily. As the game began, Deidara shuffled the cards and dealt them out. Itachi and Deidara were the only two not particularly interested in football, so they just played cards and ate chips.

"I heard Sasuke called you," Itachi said. Deidara sighed.

"So? He has an obsession with verbal abuse, un."

"He's straight."

"Exactly! I never bothered him, un! He called me, not the other way around, un."

"Your sluttish behaviour is getting in the way this time. If you didn't sleep with anyone who was willing then you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Look, I don't know where he got my number, un! Don't blame me for your stupid little brother, un!"

"What did he say?"

"Just some shit about sexuality, how he really was straight so he didn't even enjoy it, you know, shit like that, un."

"Hn."

"What?"

"That wasn't very nice of him."

"Yeah, the closet homos are always like that, un," Deidara replied. "Oh, I forgot, he was probably mad at me because I turned around and fucked his best friend, un."

"You what?" Itachi cried, slamming his cards down.

"Oh, ok, fine, I didn't fuck him, I got fucked, all right, un?"

"Oh, that makes everything all right," Itachi said, picking up his cards. "And what makes you think he's a closet homo? It's not like you've ever been one."

"Oh please, he gets drunk and sleeps with a man, and has to keep telling himself he's straight, un."

"Hn."

"All right, I'm sorry, un! Your brother is perfectly straight and can't get enough of boobs, un!"

"I'm still going to win," Itachi stated. Deidara sighed.

"Well damn, it was worth a shot though, wasn't it, un?"

"No, it wasn't. Play again?"

"Gah! You're on, un!" Sasori chuckled. Suddenly, the home team made a touchdown.

"Yes!" Konan, Kisame, and Kakuzu all leapt to their feet, throwing their arms into the air. Hidan was pitched off the couch and onto Tobi.

"Ow! You guys suck!" Hidan cried, picking himself up and laying back down on them. Tobi looked quite flattened, and decided to move over to sit by Zetsu.

Towards the end of the game, a woman came into the apartment, a few bags on her arms. She took one look at the group and rolled her eyes. She set the bags down and draped herself over Konan, resting her chin on the top of the other woman's head. "I hope you're having fun," she said.

"We are. Ok, that on the ground is Tobi, over there is Sasori, and this is Kakuzu. They're new," Konan introduced. "This is my girlfriend, Temari."

"Well, I'm going back out, a friend of mine invited me shopping." Temari kissed Konan's cheek and left again.

"How long have you two been together, un?" Deidara asked.

"A few years now," Konan answered.

"That's a pretty long relationship," Deidara said.

"You can't hold anything steady for more than a night, Deidara," Itachi pointed out.

"Yes I can, un!" Deidara looked around the room. "Let's see… Kisame- nope, only once, un. Zetsu- ah, no, only once, un. Hidan! I went out with him for six months, un!" Everyone stared at him. Kisame and Zetsu looked away ashamedly.

"You slept with Deidara?" Itachi asked.

"Yup," Kisame said. "Not that I'm proud of it."

"No, I suppose I wouldn't like to bring it up either, un," Deidara said. "You don't mind, do you, un?"

"No, I don't really," Itachi sighed. "But Zetsu? Really now, have you no shame?" Deidara laughed.

"Come on, Zetsu, tell them, un!" Zetsu sighed and looked over at them.

"I fucked him in the bathroom three months ago," he confirmed. Everyone burst out laughing. Everyone, that is, except Sasori.

"I don't see what's so funny about that," he stated.

"Zetsu has been trying to keep up the pretense that he's asexual. You know, like a plant? It just sort of makes sense that the slut should be the one to prove otherwise," Kisame explained.

"I see." Deidara and Sasori were looking intensely at each other. Neither blinked. A silence fell, the tele not even breaking it. Deidara coughed, smirking.

"You have a bit of sauce, right there," he said, gesturing to his own face. Sasori blushed and licked his finger, wiping his face.

"Touchdown!"

"Aah!" Hidan was thrown on the floor, again.

* * *

Kisame and Itachi walked into their house. "You're mad," Kisame stated. He had learned not to beat around the bush with Itachi.

"No. I'm not mad."

"Yes you are."

"Perhaps I am, but not at any particular person."

"So what's bothering you?"

"The fact you've gone farther with Deidara than you have with me."

"What? We've gone way farther! We're living together, and sharing a life."

"But we haven't…"

"Physically, maybe I've done a few more things with other people, but I didn't love them."

"What about Deidara?"

"It was right when he got here, before we found you. Deidara's like a dog that way. When he gets somewhere new, he just has sex to get to know people. Anyway, it was his first day, I indulged him, and we haven't said anything since."

"I see." Itachi sat down on the couch. Kisame sat down next to him.

"You're still bothered."

"I'm sorry I keep saying no."

"Don't be. I'm sorry if I've ever pushed it."

"But you haven't had sex since then."

"And proud of it. Itachi, I don't run on sex like someone we know. I'd rather not have sex than push it before you're ready." Itachi leaned his head on Kisame's shoulder.

"Thank you," he whispered.

* * *

"I'll make dinner, I guess," Kakuzu said, walking into the kitchen. Sasori followed him, leaning against the doorway.

"That was pretty interesting," he said. Kakuzu grunted. "Hey, I know he was staring at Deidara. Don't let it get to you."

"You were staring at Deidara too." Sasori blushed.

"Maybe a little. I was wondering how Itachi played cards."

"Whatever you say."

"Don't let it get to you. I mean, what, we've known him like, a month? Can't get too attached, right?"

"Sure." Kakuzu got out some lettuce and began chopping it up.

"Have you met his girlfriend?"

"No, but I think I will tomorrow for a picture."

"Scope her out then. See if he's going to break it off. If you can time it right, directly after the breakup, you might be able to catch him."

"Sasori, this is not about sex or having a short-lived relationship. If I wanted sex, I'm sure Deidara would be more than willing." Sasori said nothing. Finally, though, he sighed.

"Then what is it about?"

"I'm not quite sure. And I won't do anything until I am."

* * *

Another month passed before Hidan's relationship snapped. They were, for some reason, standing in the bedroom, Ino in front of him with her hands on her hips. "Fuck me," she stated. Hidan just stared at her.

"You know, I just have a bit of work to finish up-"

"No you don't. It's every guy's dream to have a woman crawling all over them."

"How about we have dinner?" Hidan suggested, his heart beating quickly. Ino shook her head.

"You already used that excuse tonight, remember? You were going to eat dinner at the office."

"Oh, yeah. That wasn't a lot of food, if you're hungry I can cook you something-"

"No. This is what I want, Hidan. Fuck me, right now." Hidan sighed. He couldn't find a way out. So he might as well put his all into this. Grabbing her waist, he kissed Ino fiercely and threw her on the bed, climbing on top of her. Ino sighed happily as Hidan kissed her harshly, leaving a hickey on her neck as he trailed his mouth down to her collar. His hands slowly unbuttoned her shirt, slipping it off her shoulders as he kissed her newly exposed skin. They stopped for breath, Hidan undoing her bra while they both panted. Then they were kissing again, Hidan's right hand cupping Ino's breast. Soon he lowered his mouth to the nipple, sucking lightly. He then continued kissing down her thin stomach. Then he had her jeans off, and was grappling with her panties. Ino lifted her hips helpfully, and soon she was naked before him. Sitting back, Hidan decided it couldn't be helped. He took off his shirt, making his motions take as long as possible. Ino sat up, hands flying to the fly of Hidan's jeans. She slowly slipped her hands in, pulling the pants down. She bit her lip, hoping her suspicions were incorrect. Unfortunately, as his boxers came off, her fears were confirmed. Hidan blushed deeply, looking away. Ino wasn't giving up yet. Firmly, she wrapped her fingers around Hidan's flaccid length, pumping him vigorously. Nothing happened. Ino looked up, Hidan looking away.

"I-it's my new medication-"

"Bullshit, Hidan," Ino growled. "So that's what's been going on? I'm not beautiful enough for you?"

"That's not it, I swear-"

"Goddamn it, Hidan, if I can't make you want me, I'll just leave." Ino threw herself off the bed, picking up her scattered clothes and slipping into them. She turned to glare at Hidan. "I'll be back for my stuff. I just need to get out of here for a while." She turned and left, making sure to slam every door on her way out. Hidan sighed, laying back on the bed. So she didn't make him hard. Maybe this was a sign, maybe he was gay. Maybe it just wasn't going to work with women. He sighed. But dear God, he needed something. It had been gnawing at him for a little over a month. Something was missing. There was someone he was supposed to be with. And, picking up his cell phone, Hidan knew exactly who it was.

"Deidara, get your ass over here."

"Hmm? Why, un?"

"Ino just left me. I need you, right now."

"Fine, un. Give me fifteen minutes, un."

* * *

Deidara walked through the front door, and was promptly tackled to the floor by Hidan. Hidan had slipped on a pair of pants in his fifteen minutes of waiting, and decided Deidara was far too dressed. Getting up, he grabbed Deidara's arm, hoisting the blond down the hall and into the bedroom. Once they were secured in the bedroom, Hidan threw Deidara down on the bed and promptly pounced on him. Soon Deidara's shirt was thrown behind them. Hidan growled, hating how his body didn't react to Deidara's panting, moaning face. He kissed his way sloppily and harshly down Deidara's neck, leaving a nasty looking hickey as he did so. Deidara arched into his touch and moaned. Something was off in that sound, but Hidan dismissed it. He bit Deidara's shoulder, wondering what was wrong. This was what he wanted, wasn't it? He quickly had Deidara's pants and boxers off, and sighed, sitting back. Deidara looked up at him, a knowing look in his eyes. In a bout of rage, Hidan turned from Deidara, slumping on the edge of the bed. A tense silence followed. Hidan didn't know what to do. He had invited Deidara over in order to relieve this pressure. And now, how could he face him if he couldn't deliver? Maybe he was doomed to live out the rest of his life without sex, trapped in all eternity with a dysfunctional dick-

"You're not hard, are you, un?" Deidara asked softly. Hidan said nothing. "Good. Neither am I." Deidara rolled over and slipped into his boxers, sitting down next to Hidan. "Now then. Mind telling me what this is all about, un?"

"Ino left me. She wanted me to fuck her, but I couldn't…"

"Yeah, un. I know how you feel, un."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I haven't had sex since Sasuke, un."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I tried to, but same problem as you, un. Decided I should just call it quits, yeah." Deidara lay back on the bed with a sigh. "And I haven't wanted to, all that bad, un. Sort of like it wasn't good enough, un." Hidan stared at his friend. That was exactly the way he was feeling!

"So if you knew it wasn't going to work, why'd you come over?" Hidan asked. Deidara closed his eye.

"I was lonely, un." Hidan looked at him. Deidara, lonely? That little slut was never alone at night- because he was lonely. Why did Deidara sleep around? He always wanted someone there. He lived alone, and always had. And now, as Hidan looked at him, his true age stuck out.

"Deidara, how old are you?" he asked slowly. Deidara was quiet for a moment.

"Nineteen, un," he said, almost inaudibly. Hidan stared.

"What?" Hidan cried. "You mean-"

"I was eighteen when I was hired at Akatsuki, un."

"Did you-" Hidan coughed- "Did you finish high school?"

"Yeah, un. But the second I did, I flew out here, un." Hidan sighed, lying back next to his blond friend.

"I don't get it," he sighed. "If I can't get hard around girls, and I can't get hard around guys, who am I fit to sleep with?"

"Dogs, un?" Deidara suggested. Hidan glared at him. "I don't know, yeah. It doesn't make sense to me, but I can't ignore what my body is telling me, un." Deidara sighed. "Nobody can tell you what you want, Hidan. You just have to figure it out and go for it, un." Deidara sat up and stood up, finding his jeans and slipped into them, locating his shirt and putting it on as well. Hidan watched him. That nineteen year old kid was about to go home to an empty, cold apartment knowing he was likely to be alone for a long time. It was so sad, Hidan reached out, pulling Deidara down on the bed next to him.

"Stay the night," he said. Deidara chuckled, planting a soft kiss on Hidan's lips.

"I would, sweetie, but Ino would skin me alive, un. Besides, I'm watching a neighbor's cat, and I have to feed it tonight, un." Hidan sighed.

"Bullshit, Deidara," he said. Deidara stood up and walked to the door, blowing one last kiss back at Hidan before he was gone. Hidan sighed. He might as well just go take a shower. He got up, walking into the bathroom and turning on the water. Once under the steady stream, Hidan wrapped his fingers around his penis. He was going to figure this out, even if it killed him. It didn't take long. A single image appeared in his mind, and his manhood snapped to attention.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hello, you all have flyfloyd to thank for this update. I was asked to update, and I thought 'Why the hell not?' and did so. And in this chapter, we enter the main character: the cherry lollipop. Oh, I might as well tell you about the writing style I'm using in this story. I just read some of the American classics by John Steinbeck, and though I thought they were utter crap, I decided to copy him a little. I tried writing in an American sort of style, using the lingo of our time and trying to sort of capture the basic elements of American culture. Too bad I'm not American. XD Enjoy!

* * *

Deidara almost walked through the doors to the building. Almost. He missed by a centimeter. Grumbling profanities and rubbing his forehead, he entered the building correctly. Kakuzu looked up.

"What's up with you?" he asked.

"I'm supposed to go a day without my stupid scope, and I've been walking into doors all day, un!" Deidara walked to his cubicle and managed to sit down in his seat. Kakuzu followed him, staring at his newly exposed face. A scar stretched diagonally across his eye, from his nose to his cheek, and another one curved down his temple. The skin was pale, deathly so, but most surprising was the iris of his eye- completely blood red. Deidara swiveled around in his chair, smiling slightly at Kakuzu. "Can I help you with something, un?" Kakuzu shook his head, stepping into the small cubicle.

"No, but Sarah can." Deidara grinned.

"Sure, un. What can I help you with, un?"

"Now mind you, this is a personal and confidential topic, and I am putting my trust in your hands."

"Yeah yeah, I read the contract, un," Deidara said. "What's up, un?"

"It's sort of confusing."

"I'm listening, un."

"Well, old feelings have sort of arisen. I'm not quite sure why. I haven't been really romantically active in a long time, and suddenly it seems like I want someone. The only reason I can think of is that old feelings have arisen for Sasori."

"I see. Tell me exactly what you see in him, un."

"I don't know."

"I see, un."

"You're creeping me out, brat."

"Oh? Sorry, un. You don't know what you see in him, so what makes you so sure these feelings are for Sasori, un?"

"He's the only person I've ever really had these feelings for."

"Why can't it be someone else, un?"

"Because these feelings don't happen overnight. It just doesn't work that way."

"Who says, un?"

"I say."

"So who was asking for help, un?" Deidara sighed. "You need to learn to change, un. I'm not saying you're not all right as you are, but sometimes we get the signals that we want something out of our norm, un."

"I lost you."

"Something somewhere in your brain is telling you exactly what you want, un. But you, Kakuzu, are trying to rationalize this want, un. But don't, because no one ever said this was rational, un." Kakuzu blinked. Deidara sighed. "OK, I'll give you a little story, un. One night, I woke up craving cherry lollies , un. I used to have them in elementary school, but I always like the orange ones, un. So I got out of bed and tried to quell this craving, un. But since I had never bought any, and since I never really liked the cherry ones, I decided I must want something else, un. But try as I might, nothing struck my interest, un. See? By trying to figure out why, I denied myself exactly what I needed, un." Deidara leaned back in his chair, hoping he had made an impression. "You follow, un?"

"Sort of." How was it that kid could just spurt of exactly how he felt? "So, suppose these old- or new- feelings aren't for Sasori. Who are they for?"

"Only you can know that, Kakuzu, un. It may not be rational, but it sure as hell is going to be right, un."

"Are you, by any chance, speaking from experience?" Deidara laughed.

"You're funny, Kakuzu. No, I'm not speaking from experience. Luckily that's not what an advice column takes, un. If I gave advice on my experiences, I'd just tell everyone to fuck everyone, un." Kakuzu sighed. "Just get out of your comfort zone and see what happens, un. You never know, you might have fun, un."

"You don't have a comfort zone, do you? You don't have boundaries or shame or anything, do you?" Deidara laughed, swiveling in his chair.

"Well, I don't know, un," he said. "I'm still trying to get all that sorted out, un. But might as well push the limits to find where they break, right, un?"

"But you don't know about being awkward or embarrassed, do you?" Deidara looked at Kakuzu seriously.

"Shame has its good sides, un," he said slowly. "But it has a lot of baggage, un. Then it also gets coupled with a fear of rejection, and that's just something I can live without, un. But believe me, I've only found that out through experience, un." Deidara grinned, and it seemed the serious spell was broken. "Maybe if you understood a little more why you have your boundaries, you'll be able to take more risks, un." Deidara swiveled in his chair. "Did Sarah help you, un?"

"She gave me a lot to think about," Kakuzu replied. "Thank her for me, will you?"

"Will do, un. You know…" Deidara paused, grabbing Kakuzu's attention. "Hidan's completely free, un." Kakuzu just stared at Deidara. "Would you mind grabbing me a coffee, I'm a bit scared I'll kill myself trying to, un."

* * *

"Tobi, un!" Deidara called. Tobi came scampering into the blonde's cubicle.

"Yes, Sempai?"

"Take this to Itachi, I don't think I can make it, un," Deidara ordered.

"Right away, Sempai!" Tobi cried, taking the sheet and running off. Deidara smirked at how he could get the newest employee running around. He glanced at his watch and sighed. He didn't want to go home just yet. Standing up, he stretched and walked across the hall to Sasori's office.

"Hey, un," he said, leaning on the wall. Sasori turned around, giving a rare smile.

"Can I help you?"

"Want to grab a bite to eat after you get off, un?"

"Sounds nice. I get off in fifteen minutes."

"Good, un. Meet you at the door then, un?"

"Sure." Deidara walked back to his cubicle and picked up his jacket and bag and heading out. Sasori closed his computer and stood up, collecting his things and went to find Kakuzu in the darkroom. "I'm going out with Deidara, go on home without me. I'll catch a train or something." Kakuzu looked up.

"All right. Here, what do you think of this for your article on art?" Kakuzu asked, gesturing at the picture hanging up. Sasori studied it.

"Seems nice. See you later."

"Bye." Sasori left the dark room and found Deidara waiting by the door.

"Shall we?" Deidara smiled, following Sasori outside.

"It's a beautiful day, un," he said, twirling as he stared up at the sky.

"The weather channel said it might rain," Sasori pointed out. Deidara frowned.

"Darn. I hate rain, un."

"Oh? I find it rather calming."

"Ever had to live in it, un?"

"No, have you?"

"On occasion, un. But I have to walk to the train station to get home, un," Deidara replied. "Oh well, I'll just have to live with it, un."

"Did you have anywhere in particular you wanted to go?" Sasori asked, changing the subject.

"There's a little sandwich place that's real cheap, un. Wanna go there, yeah?"

"Sounds good." Deidara grinned, leading the way down the street.

"You just moved from Japan, right?"

"Yes."

"That's so cool, un. I totally love Japanese culture, un."

"I'm not actually Japanese. I was raised here in California, but moved to Japan to study literature. That's where I met Kakuzu, and then we came out here."

"Wow, your parents must be rich, un!"

"They're dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that, un."

"Don't be. They died when I was two and I was raised by my grandmother."

"That's nice you had someone, un," Deidara said. "And it's still sad, no matter when it happened, un."

"Thank you." Deidara grinned.

"Hey, no prob, un," he replied. "There it is, right up there, un."

"How about you? Where are your parents?" Sasori asked. Deidara shrugged.

"Was it interesting in Japan, un?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Since I went there to study literature, I guess it was," Sasori replied. They walked into the little café. It truly was a cheap place, but Sasori didn't mind. He usually had expensive taste, but being here with Deidara made it all worthwhile. Hold it- where the hell had that come from? Sasori shook his head. Soon they had ordered and were sitting at a table for two by the window.

"This is nice, un," Deidara said. "We should do this more often, un."

"Yes, I think we should," Sasori said.

"So, do you like art, un?"

"Oh yes. I grew up on art, my grandmother always took me to art museums."

"That's sweet, un," Deidara said, smiling. "I don't like the old art, you know, like old paintings and stuff, un. I like modern stuff, like sculptures, un."

"I see," Sasori said. "I find I prefer the old works."

They talked for a long time, slowly growing closer over the table. Eventually, Sasori had leaned so close their mouths were almost touching. He looked desperately into Deidara's eyes, then softly pressed their lips together. Deidara didn't pull away, but after a moment Sasori's brain snapped back to reality and he pushed away.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, though his body was telling him to do it again. Deidara grinned.

"Don't be, I liked it, un," he said. Sasori blinked.

"How old are you?"

"I'm a legal adult, that's all you need to know, un."

"Deidara, I'm dead serious. I'm thirty-five. How old are you?"

"Nineteen, un," Deidara mumbled. Sasori sat back.

"Good God. Deidara, do you realize I've been out of high school for almost as many years you've been alive?" Sasori stood up angrily. "To think I've been shamelessly flirting with you. You're still a teenager, I'm headed towards forty!" Deidara stared at him. Sasori stood there, glaring angrily down at Deidara. Deidara looked meekly up at him.

"Will you sleep with me, un?"

"Yes- NO!" Sasori was getting nervous. His mouth had answered before he could stop it. Scared, he took a step backwards. "Don't touch me, please. I- I need to go." And with that, Sasori threw a ten dollar bill on the table and ran out. Deidara stared after him. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair.

* * *

"You're back?" Kakuzu asked, looking up from the papers he was reading. Sasori threw himself on the couch, face pressed into Kakuzu's lap. "Hmm, what's all this about?" Kakuzu asked, laying a hand on Sasori's back.

"I kissed Deidara."

"Oh? You mean he didn't jump you first?"

"God, Kakuzu, I'm no better than a pedophile. Do you know how old he is?"

"How?"

"Nineteen. God, two years ago I would've gone to jail."

"But this isn't two years ago."

"Kakuzu, are you fucking kidding me? This is just barely legal! I'm almost twice his age!"

"And?"

"And? You're kidding!" Sasori got up and glared at Kakuzu. Kakuzu blinked, then smirked.

"Here, sit next to me. I haven't ever seen you this mad. Why are you mad?"

"Because I-" Sasori faltered. He sat down next to his friend. "I'm mad because I liked it. I feel like a lecherous old man."

"You're not. Thirty-five isn't so bad. And nineteen is almost twenty."

"Who took the stick out of your ass?" Kakuzu wrinkled his nose.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Here, I'm going to give you some advice someone once gave me. Sometimes our bodies tell us things that aren't rational or comfortable, like craving a cherry lollipop or something, but it's what we want. We can't think about it logically or sensibly, but we can't deny ourselves what we want. Maybe it doesn't make sense, but when it works out, it doesn't have to." Sasori was silent for a long moment. Then he sighed.

"I'm mad because it should feel wrong. I'm mad because it did feel right. Shouldn't it feel wrong, like a guilty pleasure?" Kakuzu shrugged.

"I don't know. But how you feel is how you feel, and you can't ignore that."

* * *

That night Sasori lay awake, staring at the ceiling. He had so much to think about. And after the entire night, he still had not made a decision.

* * *

Sasori walked into the office the next morning and rushed to his cubicle, not wanting to see Deidara. There, he found his bag he had left at the café and a note on his desk. He sat down and picked it up, finding a red lollipop with it. In a scrawled handwriting, Sasori read the following:

__

Dear Sasori,

Sorry about our little encounter yesterday. I should've listened when they told me not to mess around with coworkers, neh? No hard feelings, I hope we're still friends.

-Deidara.

Sasori stared at the note and the candy for a minute, before it all clicked. He got up and walked to Deidara's cubicle. "Deidara," he said. Deidara turned around and his face fell, before he brightened.

"Hey Sasori," he said, looking away slightly in shame.

"Deidara, I'm the one who should be apologising. I ran out, and was a complete ass." Deidara blinked, slightly confused.

"Good then, we've both said sorry, so are we even, un?" Sasori leaned against the doorway.

"I'm willing to give you a shot," he said. "I'm willing to start up some sort of relationship. But mind you, this is a mature thing with alarm clocks and conversations and… um…"

"Hmm?"

"No sex." Deidara blinked and shrugged.

"No problem. I can live without sex."

"At least, for a little while, until we get to know each other," Sasori added, flattered Deidara would so blithely give up sex for him. Deidara did one revolution in his chair, smiling to himself.

"Want to have dinner tonight, un?" he asked.

"Sounds good. Your place or eating out?"

"I guess my place, but I have to warn you it's not pretty, un."

"I don't really care."

"Good! Is six good, un?"

"Sounds good." Sasori smiled, and Deidara stood up, standing in front of his new lover. Delicately, he wrapped his arms around Sasori's neck, pressing his face to the redhead's chest.

"You're too tall, un," Deidara mumbled. Sasori laughed, patting Deidara's head.

"Aw, that's a first for me," he said. Deidara was the shortest in Akatsuki, Itachi having only a centimeter on him. Then came Sasori, then Hidan, then Konan, then Zetsu, and finally, Tobi, Kakuzu, and Kisame all tied for tallest, depending on who was slouching and who was jumping up and down.

"Too bad. Go shrink, un." Sasori laughed and lifted Deidara's head, pecking him affectionately on the lips.

"I've got to get back to work. I'll see you at six?"

"Yup, un," Deidara turned and sat back down, opening another e-mail.

Dear Sarah,

My life has fallen into a sort of lethargic pattern. I'm in a rut, and I don't know how to spice up my life or my marriage. Please help.

-Lost and Languid

Deidara smiled.

Dear Lost and Languid,

Make yourself a new person! Bring home flowers, surprise your significant other with movie tickets. Stay up all night talking and eating takeout, go dancing, hang out with friends! Take up a sport or instrument, try your hand at writing! Fall in love with everyday, and appreciated the unique beauty in life. No one's watching, you might as well have some fun. You only get one life, but luckily, you're never too young or old to really start living.

-Sarah.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I've FINALLY done my psychological analysis on Deidara's speech impediment, and let me tell you, it's not pretty. As of now, I'm writing the chapter that should be entitled 'Everyone's getting laid except ME (goddamn it!)!' XD Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

Kisame pushed Itachi back on the bed, kissing him tenderly as his hands came to rest on the hem of Itachi's shirt. Soon the garment was divested, and Itachi lay half naked before his lover. Kisame lowered his mouth and sucked hard on his erect nipples. Itachi gasped, placing his hands on Kisame's shoulders, a look of panic entering his eyes. "K-Kisame, p-please-" Kisame stopped immediately, sitting back. His pants felt so tight and hot, he needed release! But looking at Itachi's scared and shameful expression, he knew it didn't matter. He caressed Itachi's face, and brought the shirt to the Uchiha's hands. He kissed his lover's forehead.

"It's all right, Itachi. I shouldn't have pushed it."

"Thank you," Itachi breathed, hiding his face.

"I'm going to go take a shower," Kisame said, getting up and petting Itachi's head without letting the Uchiha notice he had the worst erection since puberty. He left Itachi on the bed and stepped into the bathroom, quickly turning on the cold water and stripping. He then stepped into the shower, shivering. He didn't really understand Itachi, but if sex was scary, they could do without. But still… he'd have to talk to Deidara.

* * *

Deidara was sitting in his office, wondering just where the hell his inspiration went when Kisame walked in. "We need to talk," he said. Deidara gladly turned to face him.

"Certainly, darling," he said, swiveling all the way around in his chair. "Do you want me to get Sarah, un?"

"No. This is something for a gay man to answer," Kisame replied.

"Sure. What's up, un?"

"Is it scary your first time?" Deidara blinked.

"For the submissive one? Terrifying, un," Deidara said seriously.

"How was your first time?" Deidara laughed slightly.

"I was so scared and nervous I was sick, un." Kisame's eyes widened.

"What?"

"But then again, I was fifteen, un."

"Oh. So I suppose it's different for older men, right?"

"Kisame, are you a virgin, un?"

"No! Not my age older, but perhaps… Hidan's age?"

"Oh, you meant older than me older. Well I don't know, un. Some people just throw it away, but some people treasure their virginity and want to give it to the person they truly love, un."

"You threw yours away, didn't you?"

"No, un! Ok, so it was illegal, and in the back of a van, but to me, it was a big deal, un."

"Who did you loose it to?"

"Some guy named Madara, un. Left right after, of course, after all the dumb promises to keep me quiet, un."

"Jeez, harsh," Kisame lamented. "Does it hurt a ton?" Deidara laughed.

"Borrow one of Konan's dildos and shove it up your ass, and see how you like it, un. Unless, of course, you have an abnormally large dick, un."

"Do you bleed?" Kisame asked, ignoring Deidara's dick comment. Deidara laughed again.

"The first time, un? Of course, yeah." Kisame paled. "Not a lot, un, just a little dribble, un. Even women bleed on their first time, no big deal, un." Kisame sighed.

"Did you cry?" he asked. Deidara laughed again.

"Of course I did, un. It wouldn't be my first time if I didn't cry, yeah. Aw, don't get that look, Kisame! It's just like a sparkling tear on the cheek, not like complete balling, un. And I probably would've cried anyway, even if it didn't hurt, because it just feels that good your first time, un."

"It's horrifying," Kisame admitted. Deidara looked sympathetically at him.

"You and Itachi haven't had sex, have you, un?"

"No, he's scared."

"But Kisa, think about it from his point of view, un! Think about how much you gauge by someone's face, un. And he's only heard about sex from text books and me, un. If I were him I'd castrate you, un."

"What?"

"I know it's hard to deny a seme man sex, so I'd just insure you wouldn't try anything, un."

"You scare me."

"You scare him, un."

"But… if you knew what the first time would've been like, would you still go through with it?" Deidara laughed.

"Yeah, but I'd bring a bowl to puke into, un. He got mad at me for getting his seat dirty, un."

"Are you sure? Really, what did it give you?" Deidara sighed.

"You only get one first time, and if you're going to throw it away, chuck it as far as you can, un. If you're going to hold it close, don't let go for anyone, un."

"Wow. That's pretty special."

"Yup, un. How about you, who did you give yours to?"

"Some chick in the bathroom at a Guns and Roses concert," Kisame sighed. Deidara laughed. "Hey, it's not funny! I was drunk!"

"Aw, Kisa, it's sweet, un! A bathroom is no place to do it for the first time, un."

"Yeah, and a van is any better?" Kisame snapped. Deidara shrugged.

"He parked it outside a nice hotel, un." Kisame rolled his eyes.

"That's worlds better," he said sarcastically. "We had background music."

"We had a carpet, un."

"With sick on it."

"Ouch, un."

"Anyway, what do you think it would be like to loose your virginity in a few years?"

"There'd be the social pressure, un. I mean, some people are scared of being virgins forever, and it's sort of expected to not be like a forty year old virgin, un. If everyone just happened to be talking about sex and virginity, I'd feel really left out and embarrassed, un. I might be pressured into just chucking it, no matter how I felt or who I was with, un." Kisame stared at him.

"Wow. I never thought of that. Has anyone ever told you you're a genius?" Deidara laughed.

"Nope, un. But please, there's always time for a first, un."

* * *

"Sasori, un?"

"Yeah?"

"We're going dancing, un."

"What?"

"Me, you, Hidan, and Kakuzu are all going dancing, un."

"Do they know?"

"No. You're going to tell Kakuzu, and I'll get Hidan, and we'll all go dancing Friday night, un."

"Sorry, I don't dance."

"Neither do I, I resemble something like a horse having a seizure, un."

"Then why are we going dancing?"

"Because Hidan loves to dance, un."

"What?"

"It's really amazing, it's like he was born dancing, un."

"Ok, so Hidan likes to dance. Why are Kakuzu and us going along?"

"A few reasons, un. #1: Kisame and Itachi need time alone, and I've made sure Konan's going to be at home, un. #2: We need to make Kakuzu and Hidan feel like two third wheels, un."

"I don't quite follow."

"Look, I was waiting for them both to figure it out, but Kakuzu's still been giving you looks, un. And Hidan's as lost as ever, un. We've got to make them feel like two third wheels, just to give them a push forward, un."

"I see. I'll do it on one condition."

"What, un?"

"Save me a slow dance."

"Of course, un." Deidara walked further into the cubicle draping himself over Sasori's shoulders. "Just don't laugh when I dance, un."

* * *

"Hey Kakuzu, want to come dancing?" Sasori asked. He burned with embarrassment at having to ask his ex-boyfriend to go dancing. Kakuzu was evidently thinking the same thing.

"Dancing?"

"Deidara's idea, and we've invited you and Hidan."

"I see."

"Please?"

"Did you just ask politely?"

"Yes."

"Fine. I'll go."

"Good."

* * *

"Hidan, un," Deidara whined. "Will you come dancing with me, un?"

"What?"

"Dancing, un. Me, Sasori, Kakuzu, and you, un."

"Why?"

"I want to, un."

"Fine. When?"

"Friday."

"Cool."

* * *

Deidara smiled as Sasori stared at him. He was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a tasty vest. "What, you didn't expect me to go dressed normally, un?" he said, smiling. Sasori blinked, stepping closer to Deidara.

"You look good," he said, kissing him lightly on the cheek. Hidan coughed loudly behind them. Sasori smirked, looking at Deidara. The little shit, that was his plan.

"Jeez, Hidan, don't overreact, un," Deidara said, smirking. "Who's driving, un?"

"I am," Kakuzu sighed. "Come on, let's go." Deidara, Sasori, and Hidan all followed him to the car.

* * *

Kakuzu was staring. Hidan moved his body like liquid, matching perfectly against Deidara's. They moved like serpents, twisting and writhing against each other. It didn't even matter what the song was, all that had Kakuzu's attention was Hidan's beautiful body. "Deidara said he didn't dance," Sasori said. "The little shit." Kakuzu glanced over at his redheaded friend.

"Oh?"

"I only came because I thought he was going to be some awkward kid, you know, cute? But… God…" Kakuzu chuckled.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Sasori laughed.

"Oh my. Are you also talking about Hidan?" Kakuzu was silent. "I agree. Deidara makes anyone look good."

"Even you?"

"Oh, that was low." The song ended, and Deidara and Hidan came back to Sasori and Kakuzu.

"Neh, Sasori, come dance with me, un!" Deidara pleaded. Sasori gulped.

"Um… no. I'll sit this one out." Deidara sighed, turning to Kakuzu.

"Dance with me, un?" Kakuzu sighed.

"If Sasori said no, what makes you think I'll say yes?"

"Because I'm so cute, un?" Deidara leaned closer to Kakuzu, their faces inches from each other, Kakuzu feeling Deidara's hot breath on his face.

"Come on, Deidara, we're dancing," Sasori growled, grabbing Deidara's wrist and pulling him to the dance floor. Deidara smirked over his shoulder, mouthing a 'thank you' to Kakuzu. Kakuzu smirked.

"He's a little bitch, isn't he?" he said, not looking at Hidan.

"A bitch in heat," Hidan said. "He told Sasori he couldn't dance so he could lure him here. He really wants to get laid."

"I see."

"He did the same thing to me. Hey, you want to dance?" Hidan got up, grabbing Kakuzu's hand and dragging him onto the floor.

"Don't look now," Deidara whispered, "but Hidan just asked Kakuzu to dance, un."

"That was your plan, right?" Sasori whispered back. Deidara smirked.

"Yup, un. Look, aren't they cute, un?"

"I never thought of either of them as cute," Sasori admitted, trying to keep from ravishing the blond right there on the dance floor. Deidara glanced over his shoulder at the other pair. When he looked back, he found Sasori's lips on his. Deidara smiled into the kiss. Exactly as planned.

* * *

And finally, a slow song came around just when they were thinking of leaving. Sasori looked at Deidara. "May I have this dance?" he asked. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"What would you do if I said no, un?" he said as he allowed himself to be led to the floor. Hidan sighed, watching after them.

"They're suck jerks, leaving us here," he said. "Want to show them up?"

"Pardon?"

"Come on, let's dance." Kakuzu silently followed Hidan back to the dance floor, making sure to keep them at an arm's distance. Sasori drew Deidara close, the blonde resting his head on the redhead's shoulder. They just fit together so perfectly, Hidan wished he could have someone like that for him. He looked at Kakuzu, and something just sort of clicked. Deidara had obviously invited them along for a reason other than dancing. Konan could dance amazingly well. So why invite Kakuzu? But it was then that the song ended. Kakuzu quickly let go of him, and turned to leave. Like that, it was over.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: This chapter shall be called: 'Everyone's getting fucking laid but ME!' XD Enjoy!

* * *

"Hey, Kakuzu, what do you think perfection is?" Hidan asked. Kakuzu looked over at him.

"I think that in achieving perfection you render yourself imperfect," he replied. Hidan stared at him, utterly confused.

"So…"

"Perfection is in the eyes of he beholder. If you can be perfect, you can only be perfect to yourself. By being imperfect to others you might attain perfection in your own eyes, but not to others."

"Complicated." Hidan turned to face Kakuzu, grabbed the other man's shoulders, and pressed their mouths together, right there on the street. And they stayed like that a moment, linked at the lips, before Kakuzu pushed Hidan away harshly. Hidan stared up at Kakuzu, who glared down at him venomously.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" he growled.

"What the hell do you mean?" Hidan shrieked. They stared at each other, eyes fixed.

"What was that for?" Kakuzu asked, voice low, dark, and dangerous. 'He loves Deidara, but now that he can't have him, he's just looking for something easy to take advantage of,' Kakuzu thought. 'He must've guessed my feelings for him, and thinks he can get his way.'

'He really must love Sasori. Poor bastard is just dealing with a broken heart,' Hidan thought. 'I can't fuck anything, I can't hold a steady relationship-'

"I'm not allowed to indulge myself a little?" Hidan cried. Something deep within him was breaking, a him that wasn't Hidan within him calling out for this person. He absolutely needed Kakuzu, right then. How could a person so stoic as Kakuzu be able to just rip his heart out?

"I didn't even think you would stoop as low as to take advantage like that," Kakuzu growled. Hidan blinked at him. Slowly, he stepped closer.

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, Hidan," Kakuz said. Hidan snapped.

"So you don't feel the same way as me!" he screamed. "So you dislike me, like you always act like! So we fucking aren't meant! So?" Hidan looked into Kakuzu's eyes. 'Why do I want to believe him? My heart is melting for this… person. Why do I want to believe he isn't just fucking with my emotions? No. I can't allow myself.' Something of Kakuzu's thoughts must've shown in his eyes. Hidan stood on his toes. "Prove me wrong?" he whispered before crushing their lips together. Kakuzu pushed him away, hitting him on the head.

"You hit me," Hidan stated, massaging his scalp, getting butterflies at the unblinking stare Kakuzu had trained on him.

"Yes. Yes I did," Kakuzu replied.

"Why?"

"Because you touched me."

"But- but you liked it, didn't you?" Hidan cried. Kakuzu nodded, slowly. Assured, Hidan let his arms drop to his sides. "So you hit me because….?"

"You touched me." Hidan looked at Kakuzu, who smirked ever so slightly. "You can't expect me to be that easy, Hidan. It doesn't matter if it's true love."

"What?" Hidan cried. "But if we both liked it-" Kakuzu glared at him.

"I'm not that easy, Hidan. You can't expect to say a few words, confess a few feelings, and then be able to touch me." Kakuzu was definitely smirking.

"Do you hate me?" Hidan demanded. Kakuzu nodded. "Do you love me?" He nodded. Hidan's brow furrowed, the deep concepts hurting his brain. He wasn't meant for thinking very much. "So what do you want?" Kakuzu shrugged, just looking at Hidan.

"I know what I would like, and I know you would like it as well, but not now. Not here." Hidan sighed.

"Then when? Are you just going to string me around and take me for a wild goose chase?"

"I was going to ask the same of you," Kakuzu sighed. "I don't care if we're both head over heels in love with each other. What I'm interested is a relationship and building trust. If you're going to start something, I'd like to see you finish it." Hidan sighed. Maybe it was for the better. After all, he was still having trouble getting erect during sex. Maybe if he jut eased himself into this, it would work out in the end.

* * *

It wasn't long before they lived together. Of course, like always, it had taken Deidara and Sasori to set things into motion. Sasori had asked Deidara to move in with him, and Deidara told Hidan, who in turn realized he didn't like the thought of Deidara living with Kakuzu and invited his boyfriend to live with him. They had not yet had sex, and he hoped maybe by living together they would somehow reach that utopia of sexual climax.

* * *

Sasori sat on the couch next to Kakuzu. "Well, we've had some good times in this place, but doesn't it feel sort of right living with them?" Kakuzu chuckled.

"You hit the nail on the head. Hidan's place is nice, it'll be great." They fell into a companionable silence.

"I invited Deidara here because his place was crap," Sasori said suddenly, breaking the silence. "He was honestly living in a dump."

"Sad, really."

"I want to make love to him," Sasori stated. Kakuzu, startled, glanced over at his friend. "I think I'll do it when we're living together. It doesn't-" Sasori coughed, "It doesn't bother me anymore that he's still a teenager. He acts beyond his age, and I'm sort of all right with it. But…" Sasori sighed. "But I need to talk to him about some things. I still have some of my morals left." Sasori sighed. A long silence descended between the two old friends, until Sasori spoke again. "Have you told Hidan?" Kakuzu sighed, letting his head droop.

"No." Sasori looked skeptically at his friend.

"Better to tell him before he gets too attached," he said sympathetically. "Best to let him know as soon as possible." Kakuzu gulped thickly.

"Please don't say that," he said softly. "I'll tell him when it doesn't matter anymore or...when it's too late."

* * *

Hidan's apartment was nice, Kakuzu tried not to think about the people who had shared the bed he now shared with Hidan, but aside from that, they were quite comfortable. The kitchen was always well stocked, the rooms were spaced so as to make the most out of the room given. The front window had a view of city muck, but it was sort of calming to look out and see apartment buildings and cars and smoke, and know you were making a difference by being part of the news industry.

They could stay up late sometimes eating Chinese takeout and talking about pictures and the layout of the next issue.

* * *

Deidara glared at his reflection. He did this every day, all he had to do was take a deep breath and go for it. Hooking his fingers under the edge of the scope, he pulled upward. With a gasp and a hiss, the metal scope came off his face. He set it down on the sink and took a deep breath. That fucking hurt. "Deidara! Dinner's here!" Sasori called. Deidara smiled and made his way out to the living room where their takeout had arrived.

"Come on, let's eat, hmm." They made their way lazily over to the table, Sasori setting down the food. Once they were both seated and into their meals, he struck up a conversation.

"So how did it happen?" he asked seriously, referring to Deidara's eye. Deidara shrugged.

"I don't remember, un."

"How can you not remember?"

"I was four, un. But I heard the story from my uncle, yeah." Deidara fell silent, poking at his food like a little kid.

"So what happened?" Sasori pressed.

"Apparently my dad got me, right across the eye, un," Deidara said, mimicking it with his finger. "But it doesn't matter, I don't remember my parents, un." Deidara sighed, spearing a sprig of broccoli and biting into it.

"So what happened then?" Sasori asked.

"Court took me away from my parents and let my uncle raise me, un," Deidara replied. He laughed, slightly. "My dad got in a shit load of trouble, but no one realized my mom got me across the temple, un," he said, gesturing at the side of his face.

"And you remember that?"

"Heard it from my uncle, un," Deidara replied casually.

"So you were raised by your uncle?" Sasori asked. Deidara laughed.

"If you can call it that, un. He fed me, that was about all I could really ask for, un."

"He didn't house you?" Deidara took a deep breath.

"How about we continue this later, after dinner, yeah?" he tried.

"All right," Sasori consented.

After Dinner they both sat on the couch, Sasori with his arm around Deidara's shoulders. "We were homeless, un. Well, he had a little crappy apartment when the court let him take me, un. But he also had to take care of my cousin as well, and we lost that apartment pretty quickly, un. So we lived on the streets a bit, stayed a few months with a few of his friends, just basically slept and ate where we could, un." Deidara pulled away from Sasori and turned on his back, laying his head in the redhead's lap. "When I was really little, it was like a game, un. Try to find the nicest park, see if I can find a bridge to sleep under, you know, un. But I caught on pretty quickly, yeah. We owned two guns and a knife, and at first my uncle slept with a gun and knife and I slept with a gun, but when Naruto- my cousin- was old enough, he also got a gun, un. Jiraiya- my uncle- slept with the knife, and I got the second gun, un. My uncle didn't have insurance, so he created my dumb scope, and by the time I actually saw a real doctor it was too late to save my vision, un." Deidara laughed slightly, and fell silent.

Sasori waited patiently, caressing Deidara's hair. Deidara closed his eyes, just enjoying Sasori's fingers in his hair. "He liked Naruto better, un. He was harder on me than Naruto, because Naruto was an abuse victim and was always scarred from it, un. But I didn't care, I helped out with Naruto because he's three years younger than me, un. I guess I was happy, but I don't know, un. There was one thing we did have: my record. A psychiatrist analyzed my speech impediment, and it was sort of disturbing, un."

"What do you mean?" Sasori asked. Deidara opened his eyes, smiling up at Sasori.

"Un- the Latin prefix meaning 'not', un. They say I started saying it in case I didn't say the right thing, sort of like automatically contradicting myself to please everyone, un. Hmm- a question, sort of like asking for someone's opinion, un. They say I developed that to sort of ask if I said the right thing, un. Same with yeah, un."

"That's sort of scary."

"But you want to know something, un? I didn't stop once I lived with my uncle, yeah." Deidara closed his eyes, breathing slowly through his nose. "Jiraiya wrote porn novels for a living, and was pretty loose about virginity and sex and shit, un. He kept pressuring me to become a prostitute, so we could have some money. But… he was perfectly capable of getting a job, un. He'd gone to college, but dropped out to pursue his writing. He didn't earn near enough to support two kids, but he never even tried, un." Deidara closed his eyes tightly.

"Naruto was always jealous, because he didn't know who his parents were, un. But they blinded me, and I learned later they were on a ton of drugs. When I was ten, my mom shot my dad though the head and went to jail for life, un. Is it really better knowing your parents were terrible and insane people, or knowing they died heroic deaths, un?" They sat in a long silence. Sasori knew Deidara was getting up his courage to deliver the last blow.

"I shot him," he breathed. Sasori gasped.

"You what?"

"Naruto was at a friend's house, and I was home alone with Jiraiya, who was drunk, un. He kept saying I should be a prostitute, but I kept saying no, un. He said I was just scared of the first time, and he'd… pop my cherry… un. I didn't doubt he would, and I kept saying no, un. I should've just told him I wasn't a virgin, but he wouldn't listen, and he was looking at me so scarily, yeah. He had a gun and the knife, and I had a gun, and he jumped on me and my arm got cut and then…" Deidara took a shivering breath. "Then the trigger went off and went straight through his head, un. Just like my dad, yeah. Funny how that works, yeah." Deidara gave an insane sort of chuckle. A dead silence descended upon the couple, neither even daring to breathe.

"It went to court, un," Deidara continued. "Everyone decided it was self-defense, but by the time all the trials and hearings and shit were over, I was eighteen, un. But I was still his oldest relative alive, since my mom shot my dad, so… I'm still paying off all their debts, un." Suddenly Deidara's lack of money made perfect sense, but Sasori didn't dare say so. "And I'm paying for shit for Naruto, but he doesn't know that, un." Deidara rubbed his eyes tiredly. Sasori bent and tenderly kissed his blind eye.

"I've never told that to anyone, un," Deidara said. He sat up now, facing Sasori while straddling his lap. Sasori gave a small nod, their lips almost brushing. "I love you, un."

* * *

Kisame somehow found himself making out on the bed with Itachi. He stopped, sitting back. Itachi seemed a bit lost now without his presence, and moved back against the headboard. "What's wrong?" he breathed. Kisame reached out and caressed his cheek.

"I don't want to hurt you," he replied. Itachi hugged his knees to his chest.

"So?" he breathed. Carefully, his hand snaked out to clutch Kisame's. "Is this really about what you want?" There was a long silence, neither wanting to say anything. Finally, Itachi wrinkled his nose. "Have I ever told you that you remind me of a fish?" Kisame laughed. He couldn't help it, Itachi could be so random and cute sometimes. Itachi flinched at the sound, but crawled a little closer to Kisame, placing his hands on the older man's chest. "I know you talked to Deidara."

"How?"

"I asked him. He said no. If you hadn't had a chat, he would've told me yes just to get me riled up." Itachi now had his head against Kisame's chest. "Well say something, Kisa. Don't leave me hanging."

"So what if I talked to Deidara? Is there a problem?"

"No." Itachi's voice was light and airy. "But I know what you talked to him about."

"Oh? And how have you come into this knowledge?" Kisame asked. Itachi grew less tense at feeling his voice.

"What else would you talk to him about? And now you're scared off, just proving my point."

"So what did we talk about?"

"Sex, or the lack thereof."

"Does that bother you?"

"What bothers me is that you're scared, now. Once of us has to have initiative, Kisa." Itachi's lips clumsily found Kisame's. Their tongues slipped together, and Kisame pushed Itachi back. "Just because I'm scared doesn't mean you should be," Itachi breathed.

"Does that mean you-"

"Right here, right now, I'm offering you my virginity." Itachi's leg slid around Kisame's waist. "And if you don't take it right now, you're the craziest bastard I know." Kisame needed no further prompting.

* * *

Deidara moaned, expertly wrapping his legs around Sasori as they kissed fervently on the bed. "Ah… please…" Deidara whispered, arching his chest against Sasori's. Sasori smiled against his lover's skin, suckling softly. Their erections pressed painfully together, the need building.

* * *

"So we're probably going to go along with Sasori to that art museum," Kakuzu said, sipping his tea.

"Yeah, that'll be fun," Hidan said, tipping his chair back on the back two legs.

"We'll get to hear Sasori rant about art, but if you think it's fun, I'm not going to hold it against you."

"Jeez, that'll be fun," Hidan said with a roll of his eyes.

"You're going to fall."

"No I'm not."

* * *

Itachi gulped thickly as Kisame bit at his neck. He wasn't scared now, just nervous. And through their touches, Kisame could feel that. He went slowly, caressing and feeling, letting Itachi's hands glide over his skin. It was important the Uchiha could memorise every inch of his body. Itachi's tin fingers splayed firmly over his chest, feeling the taut, hard muscles. They traveled over his shoulders, feeling the wing muscles on his back and the bumps of his spine. They ghosted over his naked backside, down his thighs, and finally, to that swelling flesh between his legs. Itachi took a sharp intake of breath, nimble hand following the length up and up against Kisame's abdomen. Kisame felt the blood rise to his cheeks at Itachi's shocked expression. "The more I get to know you…" Itachi said slowly, "the more I find I'm grateful." Kisame smiled and chuckled, kissing Itachi heatedly on the lips.

* * *

"Ah, where's the lube?" Sasori breathed against Deidara's lips. Deidara gestured at the bedside table. Sasori smirked, knowing Deidara would have moved all his personal trinkets in as well. He soon had the bottle out and uncapped. Deidara took it from him and began spreading over it Sasori's cock. Sasori gasped at the feeling of Deidara's fingers around him and the coldness of the lube. His face burned suddenly as the realisation hit him that the person between his legs was still in their teens. Deidara was looking up at him questioningly.

"You're all right with this, right, un?" Deidara asked. Sasori kissed his cheek sweetly.

"Of course," he said, pushing Deidara back on the bed.

* * *

"I hear they're debating gay marriage in court," Kakuzu said.

"It'll be nice if they let gays get married. Konan's been wanting to for a long time now."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, her and Temari. I think they'd be a good couple, and it would give Konan some stability."

"I don't know them that well, so I couldn't say." Kakuzu sipped calmly at his tea. Hidan tipped further back and fell over.

* * *

Itachi gave out a strangled scream, holding tightly to Kisame as they eased together. He bit his lip as a few tears rolled out of his eyes, and Kisame kissed them away. "Do you want to stop?" he asked. Itachi shook his head.

"No," he gasped. "No, please…"

"All right. Just relax, kay?" Kisame rubbed Itachi's lower back, massaging the pale flesh. Itachi's breathing evened out, and he eventually relaxed.

"Move," he breathed. Kisame slowly pushed Itachi onto his back and slowly, gently, pulled out and gently, slowly moved back in. Itachi shuddered, holding Kisame tighter. "I'm all right. You can go faster." Kisame kissed Itachi passionately.

"Only if you're all right," he breathed, moving a little faster. Itachi suddenly convulsed, head tossing and hair flying, a moan to die for emanating from his lips. Kisame's cock throbbed painfully at the beautiful sight. He had made a point of not telling Itachi how beautiful he was, mainly because it meant nothing to him, but right now, he made an exception. "God, you are so beautiful," he breathed, nibbling at Itachi's newly exposed neck. Itachi said nothing, only letting his harsh breathing fill the air. But Kisame sensed he appreciated the compliment by the way he wrapped his arms around Kisame's neck and arched their bodies together.

* * *

Deidara cried out, writhing in pleasure. Sasori pounded erratically into his lover, sending them both closer and closer to their euphoric climax. Deidara's voice split the air around them, uncontrollably moaning out his pleasure. Each thrust sent them closer and closer to the edge of sexual gratification. "Ah! Sasori! Unnn!" Deidara cried. Sasori buried his face in Deidara's neck.

"So… close…" he groaned, and like that, they spilled their seed together, holding each other tight until the morning.

* * *

"No, you see, it worked something like the French Revolution," Kakuzu was saying.

"That makes no sense!" Hidan groaned. "And why did you bring John Steinbeck into it?"

"I didn't, you did. I was the one who made a reference to Pavlov."

"Oh yeah. But when did we start talking about Harper Lee?"

"Right around the time you decided Ólafur Ragnar Grimsson ruled Germany."

"Hey, he's easily confused with Horst Köhler!" Hidan cried.

"Sure." Hidan yawned, tipping his chair back even more.

"I'm tired. Want to go to bed?"

"Sure." And they fell right to sleep that night, having had a quiet evening at home.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey, I'm still alive, in case you were worried. This chapter is short (2,540 words?! Mon Dieu, Nikki, did your hands fall off?!) But it was either 2,540 words, or include the impending lemon. And for the emphasis I'll be putting on it, the entire next chapter is going to be the lemon. So enjoy this little teaser of a chapter.

* * *

Itachi awoke and endeavored to recall what had happened last night. Judging by his nakedness, he had had sex. Given he felt Kisame next to him, nothing silly had happened. And from the warm fuzzy feeling he had in his stomach, Itachi knew he had enjoyed it. He lay back, not wanting to open his eyes. He rarely saw the use in it, after all, he was completely blind, not even light made a difference. But now he just wanted to remember last night.

Kisame groaned and rolled over, smiling at his lover. He smiled at the enraptured smile Itachi held on his face. Leaning over, Kisame kissed him sweetly on the cheek. Itachi jumped slightly in surprise, but then reached out and caressed Kisame's cheek. Gently, they kissed in the morning light.

When they parted, Kisame couldn't wipe the smile from his face. "You stay here, I'll get you breakfast in bed," he said. Itachi begrudgingly accepted. Kisame got out of bed and slipped on a pair of boxers, leaving the room while humming to himself. Itachi lay facing the ceiling for another moment or so before he rose from the bed and slipped on a pair of boxers himself, after a few seconds of searching, and left to use the restroom.

Itachi returned to the bedroom and flopped back down on the bed, smiling to himself. Kisame opened the door, carrying a tray of food with him. He set it down across Itachi's lap. "Toast at twelve o'clock, eggs at three, coffee at nine," he said. He had his own plate of eggs and toast. It was one of his little quirks of eating eggs on toast with jam.

They ate in silence for a long minute, just enjoying each other's company.

"Thank you," Itachi whispered suddenly. Kisame felt his heart melt, and he reached out to stroke Itachi's cheek.

"No need. I should be thanking you. I know last night was a big deal." Itachi smirked, ever so slightly.

"I was referring to breakfast, Kisame."

* * *

"So, how have you been, un?" Deidara asked, sipping his coffee. Hidan shrugged.

"The usual, nothing new."

"How are you and Kakuzu, hmm?"

"I swear you love dissecting people's relationships," Hidan mumbled.

"I see."

"Huh?"

"So you haven't had sex, un."

"What?" Hidan leapt up, and Deidara sipped his tea calmly.

"Hey, I haven't ever seen you this desperate, un. Sit down and calm down, yeah." Hidan sat back down, composing himself.

"You get under my skin like no one else," he said.

"So what if you haven't had sex. Sex isn't everything, un."

"Have you gone through a metamorphosis of maturity or something?"

"No, I got a boyfriend, un," Deidara replied. "Anyway, are you at the point of trying to get him to shag you, un?"

"Why?"

"Because it never works, un," Deidara sighed. "But anyway, at least you two are happy, right, un?"

"Yeah."

"So that's all that matters, un," Deidara said, sipping his coffee.

"So have you two had sex?" Hidan asked. Deidara smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah, un," he admitted.

"Was it everything you've imagined?"

"I was still in shock from dictating my entire life to him, so I couldn't tell, un."

"So you begged him to do it again." Deidara laughed.

"You know me too well, un. So yes, it was everything I'd ever imagined, yeah."

"So was he the best you've ever had?" Hidan pressed. Deidara shrugged.

"Maybe. But the point was, that for once, it didn't matter, un."

* * *

"Thank you, Sasori," Hidan proclaimed, walking into the redhead's cubicle. Sasori looked up, bored.

"Hmm?"

"You made Deidara blush. Either you've got a mouth like a sailor, or he's developed some shame." Sasori stared. Hidan grinned, leaning down to come nose to nose to Sasori. "How was it?"

"Can't you get the dirt from Deidara?"

"He won't give me the fine details. But I suppose you won't either, will you?" Sasori sighed.

"It was just like any other profession of love." Hidan paused, eyeing his coworker.

"What?"

"Profession of love. Oh come on, you know what that means, don't you?" Hidan nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I get it, but I don't think you do. Come on, fucker, how about we take a smoke break?"

"I don't smoke."

"Yeah, well, you're going to take a smoke break." Hidan turned and Sasori followed him out of the back of the building. They stood in the crisp morning air for a long moment. Hidan finally sighed and turned to Sasori. "So he told you 'I love you'?" he asked.

"Yeah. What's the big deal?" Hidan sighed, shaking his head.

"I used to throw that phrase around. I used to just tell everyone I was with that I loved them. I said it to Deidara once, but…" Hidan looked at Sasori. "He just laughed. He said he'd never said it to anyone, and he wasn't about to start with a sleaze like me." Sasori snickered.

"Just like him," he said. Hidan looked at him sidelong.

"From what I can tell, he didn't even tell his family he loved them."

"Oh yes, I can see why," Sasori replied.

"So how's it feel to be the first person he ever loved?" Hidan shot. Sasori faltered. "You really don't get it, do you? That's about the best you'll get out of Deidara. As far as he's concerned, you're the one." Sasori stared.

"The… first?" he asked dumbly.

"Yes, you stupid git. It's the only first he still has left." Hidan was glaring at Sasori now. The redhead, surprised, took a step back.

"I'm sorry," was the only thing he could think to say. Hidan rolled his eyes.

"I should probably be thanking you, anyway. Deidara was on the verge of a mental collapse before you came along."

"What? It didn't seem that way to me."

"Yeah, well, it wouldn't be Deidara if he showed it, now would it? I just think the loneliness was getting to him."

"Thank you," Sasori said. "I'll watch my step from now on. By the way, how are you and Kakuzu?"

"Fine. Just fine. What are you implying?"

"Jeez, just asking, no need to get defensive. He really likes you, you know," Sasori glanced sidelong at Hidan. "And that's probably why he's holding out. Don't blame him, he's not exactly the most physical of people. Besides, he's bound to feel intimidated."

"By what?"

"The two stunners you've gone out with."

"What?" Hidan stared at his new friend, fallen completely off the train of conversation.

"Deidara and Ino. They're not exactly the ugliest people in the world."

"Yeah, so?"

"Hidan, those two are as good as clones. They're short, feminine, white, blond, and submissive. Now what's Kakuzu?"

"Um… not that?"

"Good job. And let's just say Kakuzu doesn't think he's the most gorgeous man around."

"But he is."

"To whom?"

"Uh… me, but-"

"Exactly. Maybe you should tell him that sometime." Sasori rubbed his hands together. "I'm going back in. Thank you for translating Deidara for me." And with that, he turned and left. Hidan looked around. Kakuzu wasn't ugly, how could he see himself as ugly? Hidan looked around. He'd heard about people having self-esteem issues, but he was always around such sturdy folk he'd never had to deal with it himself, or with another person. And Kakuzu was the last person he'd expect to have such problems. He was more likely to call something like that preposterous, rather than looking in a mirror and thinking himself ugly. They'd have to have a talk.

* * *

"Yes. I understand. No, not at all. But of course, sir. No, I suppose you wouldn't expect that. Next Monday? If it's really necessary. Yes. All right. Bye." This was the conversation Hidan walked in on one Saturday evening. Kakuzu hung up and looked over at Hidan. "You're back earlier than I expected."

"Yeah," Hidan said shortly.

"Your mom called."

"What?"

"I said your mother called. No, that wasn't her on the phone, I saved her message." Hidan wandered over to the phone, pressing the play button.

"Hi Hidan, this is just Mummy. I was just calling to talk about Christmas. Uncle Benny said he was going to be hosting the party this year, and I know you'd love to see all your cousins. Call me back soon. Love you." Hidan sighed, deleting the message.

"I haven't gone back there for three years. What makes her think I will this year?" Kakuzu's eyes asked the question for him. "It's all my stupid step-dad. I fucking hate him. And Uncle Benny is a pedophile. I don't want to see him either." Hidan sat down at the table, next to Kakuzu. "So how about you? Where's your family?"

"Hell, most likely," Kakuzu replied casually.

"Really?"

"They all died when I was six."

"Seriously?" Hidan's eyes widened. Kakuzu shrugged.

"I ran away. Nothing more to it."

"So what happened?"

"Foster care." Kakuzu looked up, and his expression told Hidan he didn't want to talk about it.

"You're beautiful." Hidan was never one for subtlety. "And even if you weren't, I wouldn't give a shit because that's not what I'm in this for." Kakuzu stared at Hidan.

"Pardon?" he asked after a long pause. Hidan sighed.

"How is that every time I'm sincere and sweet people get scared?" he complained. Kakuzu shook his head, hair dancing about as he cleared his head.

"It's not that…"

"What, don't tell me no one's told you that before!" Hidan cried. Kakuzu remained silent. "Then they're all as blind as Itachi." Hidan reached out and brushed Kakuzu's cheek with the back of his pale hand. Kakuzu sighed.

"It's not a big deal," he muttered. Hidan leaned forward and kissed Kakuzu sweetly on the lips.

"You sill don't believe me," he whispered huskily. "I really don't care what other people think of you, but I hate lying. So I can't let you believe a lie, now can I?" Hidan had managed to worm his way onto Kakuzu's lap, straddling the older man. "You're beautiful." Hidan kissed lightly along Kakuzu's jaw. "I'd never lie to you. I hate lying, it's pointless. It's best just to tell the truth, right?" Hidan kissed Kakuzu full on the lips, hoping to get a response from the other man. Slowly, Kakuzu's tongue probed at his lips and his hands flitted to Hidan's waist. Hidan smiled, wrapping his arms around Kakuzu's neck. They broke away from air, and Hidan pressed his forehead against Kakuzu's, looking into his eyes. "So don't worry bout it, kay?"

"Wasn't worrying," Kakuzu muttered.

"Bullshit. If you weren't worrying, then why hold out on sex?" Kakuzu blushed slightly.

"Because I'm not a sexual person. I know I'm not exactly the most intimate or physical of lovers, and after all your experience, I know I'd only let you down." Hidan chuckled. Had it been anyone else on some stupid one night stand, he would've acted sympathetic and offered them a ride home. But something Deidara had said recently floated to his mind.

"You don't have to be the best to make it matter," he said. Kakuzu still looked doubtful. "What would I have to do, strip naked and beg you for it?" Kakuzu's expression told him even that even work. 'Anyway, are you at the point of trying to get him to shag you, un?' 'Why?' 'Because it never works, un.' Hidan could see it now: himself, naked and aroused, about two centimeters from giving Kakuzu a blowjob, and Kakuzu just sitting at the table, working on a few papers. 'Get up, Hidan, I just cleaned the floor today,' he'd say. Hidan chuckled at the image, hugging Kakuzu. It was things like that that made life worth it all. "Oh Kakuzu, what would I do without you?" he laughed. He was finally getting it. It wasn't the sex that would matter, it would be the fact Kakuzu trusted him enough to share an intimate moment with him. It wasn't the point if he had the biggest dick in the world, or gave the best blowjobs, or could hold out longer than Hidan. It was the gesture that counted. It was all about the trust. Hidan chuckled again and got off Kakuzu, walking into the kitchen.

"You want anything?" he called, grabbing a mug to get himself some tea. Kakuzu didn't answer. He got up and walked behind Hidan, wrapping his arms around his smaller lover.

"You're short," he stated. Hidan scoffed.

"I'm taller than Deidara," he replied.

"But shorter than Konan."

"So?" Kakuzu said nothing more on the subject. "Remember when you hit me because I touched you?" By the way Kakuzu tightened his hold, Hidan knew he did. "Don't you find it ironic that you're the one coming after me now?"

"Cheeky bastard," Kakuzu muttered.

"But I understand it now," Hidan said. "It's not the point if you're the best fuck I've ever had. What matters is that we trust each other enough to share a precious and intimate moment."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"You said 'we'." Kakuzu spun Hidan around, their mouths clasping tightly to each other. Hidan smirked, wrapping his arms around Kakuzu's neck. If begging your lover to fuck you never worked, they reverse psychology should work like a charm.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Hello, I'm sure you've all been dying for this lemon. I'm evil, I know, but I've had influenza for two weeks! And I've had to make up all the work I've missed in school on top of the usual work, and then of course my other original story threw a fit, so I needed to pay attention to it. But here's the lemon, and you better appreciate it, damn it, I was dying when I wrote it when I had influenza!

* * *

Hidan lay back willingly on the bed, Kakuzu climbing on top of him. They kissed heatedly, arms wrapping around each other. Their bodies arched together, reveling in the feeling of each other. Kakuzu slipped his hands under Hidan's shirt, teasingly slow, and ran his fingers over the soft skin. Hidan groaned, slipping out of the offending garment and displaying his naked chest for Kakuzu's scrutiny. Kakuzu leaned back, looking Hidan over approvingly, descending his mouth again, this time to Hidan's neck, sucking and kissing sweetly. Hidan moaned as the mouth licked its way to his nipple, suckling it slowly. He tangled his hands in Kakuzu's dark hair, arching against that feverish tongue.

Kakuzu ran his fingers up and down Hidan's sides, switching nipples. Hidan moaned even louder, wrapping his legs around Kakuzu's waist and pressing their erect members against each other. Kakuzu groaned, removing his mouth from Hidan's chest to kiss him passionately on the lips. Hidan responded readily, cupping Kakuzu's cheek and parting his lips, their tongues clashing. Kakuzu groaned against Hidan's mouth, grabbing the silver-haired man's hips harder. They swirled their tongues together, making wanton noises, holding each other tightly. But finally, Hidan pulled away, hands flying to Kakuzu's collar. Kakuzu sat back, nervous about letting Hidan see him naked. Hidan sat up, fumbling with the buttons in his haste. Kakuzu helped him slide the shirt off, exposing his tan skin. Hidan stared. Millions of scars crisscrossed Kakuzu's skin, leaving pinkish white trails across his torso. Kakuzu closed his eyes, not wanting to see Hidan's expression. He jumped slightly when a light hand was pressed against his back, supple fingers tracing the longest scar, reaching across his back from shoulder to hip. Tenderly, a set of lips was lowered to his skin, kissing along the mutilation. "Oh." It was a breath, a lover's worried coo. Hidan hugged Kakuzu's back, pressing his cheek to the shoulder blade. "Oh, oh."

"Do you want to stop?" Kakuzu's voice was low and uncertain, the edges indefinite. Hidan hugged him harder.

"God no. Like hell I would let this stop me," he replied. He wormed his way back around to Kakuzu's front, smirking at his lover. They kissed heatedly, Kakuzu pushing Hidan back on the bed. They kissed passionately for another minute or so, before Kakuzu trailed his hands to the fly of Hidan's jeans. In a few moments of wiggling and tugging, Hidan lay naked before Kakuzu.

"You're not wearing underwear," Kakuzu stated.

"Shut up, you know you like it," Hidan replied, kissing Kakuzu fervently. Kakuzu made no reply, grabbing Hidan's hips. Hidan bucked against his hold, wrapping his legs around Kakuzu's waist. He grabbed the fly of Kakuzu's pants, quickly unzipping them and pulling them down. Nothing different than Kakuzu's torso was revealed, a few scars tarnished his legs, but otherwise he was in good shape.

They flew at each other again, kissing heatedly and wrapping their arms around each other. Kakuzu's mouth trailed loving kisses down Hidan's neck and over his collar bone. Hidan moaned, weaving his fingers in Kakuzu's black, unruly hair. Kakuzu's teeth teased Hidan's nipple, his other hand rubbing the other one. Hidan arched their hips together, moaning loudly as their erect penises clashed. Kakuzu groaned against Hidan's chest, letting his pelvis lower against Hidan's, creating more friction. Hidan moaned, higher this time as Kakuzu's mouth switched sides with his hand, licking and nipping at his other nipple. "Ah, Kakuzu-" Hidan cried out, bucking his hips harder. He felt the need to tell Kakuzu exactly what he wanted, but from the teasing slowness in Kakuzu's movements, Hidan knew his lover knew exactly what he was doing.

Kakuzu dipped lower and lower, and Hidan bucked his hips, realizing Kakuzu's intent. Kakuzu smirked devilishly against the model's pale skin, slowing his movements with every frustrated move Hidan made. Hidan grabbed Kakuzu's unruly black hair and thrust upwards, groaning in frustration. Kakuzu decided to stop his teasing and lowered his mouth onto the very tip of Hidan's erection.

Hidan gasped and squirmed, trying to get closer to Kakuzu's warm, wet mouth. Kakuzu lay an arm across Hidan's lower abdomen, effectively holding him in place. He quickly took more and more of Hidan into his mouth, always one for effectiveness and not wasting time. He soon had Hidan moaning feebly under him as he skillfully brought him closer to climax with the sucking of his mouth and the swirling of his tongue. "Kuzu- shit- I'm-" Hidan moaned, but cracking an eye open, he knew Kakuzu knew. One more good suck and he spilled himself into Kakuzu's mouth, moaning loudly. Kakuzu took it all without so much as a peep, and Hidan collapsed back on the bed, limbs doing their impression of jam.

Kakuzu crawled back up next to Hidan, contenting himself with nibbling on the silver haired man's ear while he waited for his lover to recover. He hadn't expected Hidan to be this easy; he'd expected to have to work at getting him to climax. What, it had taken a casual blowjob? Whatever it was, it made things much easier. His own straining erection left him feeling fit to burst.

Hidan turned his head and captured Kakuzu's lips in a powerful kiss mixed with his own seed. Hey, he'd had plenty of people on their knees for him, he was used to the taste. But kissing Kakuzu was something straddling being born again, and something akin to what Hidan had always assumed returning from near death would feel like. It made him feverish, liquefied, and dying for more.

Kakuzu's mouth caressed his own, skillfully slipping their tongues together. Hidan wrapped his arms firmly around Kakuzu's neck, pulling them together and tilting his head to better suck face. Kakuzu's hands, so subtly Hidan didn't notice at first, slid down to his waist, holding him tenderly. Hidan smiled against Kakuzu's lips. He liked being treated like a princess. Since he hadn't bottomed in a long time, he'd forgot how good it felt to be tended to. There was a satisfaction as well in being able to bitch more, having a lover like Kakuzu who would nod and block him out.

While Hidan had been musing in the most philosophical way he was likely to ever muse, Kakuzu's hand had slunk over to grip his manhood resolutely. But as soon as Kakuzu's fingers made contact with his skin, he noticed. Giving a slight jump, Hidan instantly relaxed into Kakuzu's arms, holding Kakuzu tighter. Soon Hidan was hard again, and Kakuzu deemed fit to continue. He rolled over to straddle Hidan without breaking their kiss, hands holding Hidan's hips. Then eh broke away, but allowed his lips to hover near Hidan's. "Do you have anything for lube?" he asked. Hidan propped himself up, thinking. Girls didn't require lube, so where would Deidara have put something that Hidan would've never bothered to clean out? There was only one place.

"Check the left bedside table," he replied. Ino had used the right one, and so had Hidan when he had been with Deidara. In effect, the left bedside table was a little shrine to whatever shit Deidara had left behind. Kakuzu rolled over, a bit nervous considering he didn't use either nightstand, wondered briefly why it would be there if Hidan used the right one, but located the lube and banished such thoughts. He returned to Hidan, kissing him heatedly while flicking off the cap.

Hidan parted his legs, situating his hips in a helpful position. As Kakuzu bent, however, to begin prepping, butterflies fluttered in Hidan's stomach. He hadn't bottomed in a long, long time. Opening his mouth, Hidan thought to ask Kakuzu to be gentle, or prep a lot, but the words faded on his tongue. Kakuzu knew.

Kakuzu circled a single finger around Hidan's entrance, wondering how best to go about this. He hadn't had sex in, as Sasori put it, forever. He hoped he would be able to satisfy Hidan. Gently, he pushed his finger inside Hidan, waiting for a reaction. Hidan squirmed a bit, but gave no sign of pain. Kakuzu pushed his finger in and out, and once he was satisfied he added a second finger. Hidan got used to this one a lot faster, and Kakuzu began scissoring his fingers. Hidan began moaning and pushing up against the fingers, and Kakuzu added a third finger. Hidan always wore his heart on his sleeve, always letting others know exactly how they made him feel. For a moment, Kakuzu envied him. He didn't have any secrets, if his family was trash, he'd tell you so. If he was sick, he'd sneeze on you, tell you exactly how bad he was feeling, and then ask you for a tissue. But when Hidan let out a frustrated moan, Kakuzu was filled with a gratefulness that Hidan would be with him like this. He moved his fingers more roughly, spreading them in different directions. Hidan pushed his hips up, trying to get more of the sweet friction. After a few more thrusts, Kakuzu felt it was about time to give Hidan what he wanted.

He pulled his fingers out, and dipped them back into the lube bottle, and rubbed the lube quickly on his straining erection. Hidan propped himself up to watch, finding he was nervous with anticipation. Kakuzu looked up and noticed, crawling back over Hidan. They kissed sweetly. "Relax, all right?" Kakuzu said, caressing Hidan's cheek. Hidan nodded as Kakuzu positioned himself, wrapping his arms around his lover's tan neck. They kissed passionately a Kakuzu slid in in one single motion. Hidan's cry was strangled by Kakuzu's mouth, and he held his lover tighter, focusing on the kiss instead of the pain. He broke for air, panting and whimpering. "Do you want to stop?" Kakuzu offered. Hidan wrinkled his nose.

"Fuck no," he replied. "Just give me a sec." Kakuzu made no verbal reply, simply occupying himself with kissing Hidan's neck. Hidan's breathing eventually evened out, and he gave an experimental wiggle. Finding he had grown used to the feeling, he nipped at Kakuzu's ear. "Move your ass," he said firmly. And who was Kakuzu to deny him?

Kakuzu pulled back out slowly, sliding back in with all the gentleness he could muster. He resisted the urge to pound with reckless abandon into his lover, knowing full well that Hidan couldn't handle anything rough at this point. Maybe once they built up a healthy sex life things could get rough, but this was as good as a first time, slow and memorable. Hidan shuddered at the feeling of the first thrust, the pain still there. He was about to tell Kakuzu to take it gently, but they made eye contact, and the words once again were obliterated. Kakuzu knew. Kakuzu waited for Hidan to stop trembling before he tried another thrust. Hidan took this one better, wrapping his legs around Kakuzu's hips. Kakuzu began a soft, slow pace, watching for Hidan's reaction. A particularly angled thrust made Hidan spasm, moaning out in pleasure. He grabbed tighter to Kakuzu, arching their bodies together. "Please," he breathed. Kakuzu repeated the motion, this time with more force, and Hidan cried out, thrusting upwards with his hips. Kakuzu picked up the pace, scraping Hidan's prostate on every thrust.

Hidan moaned uncontrollably, clinging to Kakuzu. He never remembered bottoming to be this good. Every time their bodies came together in that most intimate of ways took his breath away, fireworks going off behind his eyes with every thrust, and just the feel of Kakuzu against him, partaking in this beautiful activity, just made him moan and writhe, holding Kakuzu harder. It just felt so good, so wonderful. He could feel himself approaching climax faster and faster, that edge of pure pleasure approaching more rapidly, just from getting his hands on Kakuzu. Ok, so it didn't have to be the best time, but _damn_, it _was_.

Kakuzu knew he couldn't last much longer, and knew it was the same for Hidan. He wrapped his hand around Hidan's warm erection and began pumping in time with his thrusts, determined to push Hidan over the edge. Hidan cried out, screwing his eyes shut in pure ecstasy, feebly thrusting into Kakuzu's hand. They were both so close, both so filled and ready to burst. Suddenly they both released, coming at the same time. Hidan shot his own seed on Kakuzu's stomach and chest, Kakuzu releasing his own deep within Hidan.

Kakuzu pulled out, sperm following in his wake. They both lay there, panting, trying to catch up with their racing hearts. Eventually, Hidan turned over, laying his head on Kakuzu's chest. To the sound of Kakuzu's steady heart, Hidan found sleep.

* * *

Hidan was standing at the foot of a mountain with a camera. He looked around, finding the rocky slope of the mountain slanted to a small meadow surrounded by woods. Completely confused, Hidan turned to find Kakuzu standing next to him. "Uh, where are we?" he asked. Kakuzu made no reply. Deciding he was dreaming, Hidan took a snapshot of the meadow, just in case someone wrote an article on it. "Any idea what we're supposed to be taking pictures of?" he asked. Kakuzu shook his head slowly, as if pulling back from some sort of trance.

"We're at the beginning," he said. Hidan blinked.

"Uh… what?" he asked. Kakuzu finally turned to him. Hidan took a step forward, and Kakuzu took a step backwards towards the mountain. "Dude, what is fucking going on?" Hidan cried, not liking the fact he wasn't in control of his dream. He took another step forward, and Kakuzu took another step back. Kakuzu sighed.

"I'll give you a chance, I guess," he said, and turned, heading up the mountain. Hidan sighed in exasperation, but followed. No matter how quickly he moved Kakuzu was still ahead of him. Leaping from rock to rock, Hidan tried his hardest to catch up, but Kakuzu's steady gait never ceased, and somehow the gap never lengthened nor shortened. Just when he thought he would never catch up, they reached the top of the mountain, where a dense forest grew. Kakuzu paused in a small clearing, and turned to Hidan. Hidan opened his mouth to say something, but Kakuzu's mouth was on his own. As soon as they made contact, everything was better. Hidan didn't care they were on a random mountain, or that Kakuzu was acting like a weird dream person. All that mattered was the fact they were touching. He dropped his camera and wrapped his arms around Kakuzu, and Kakuzu's arms were around him.

They made love on the mountain. Hidan didn't really care and, apparently, neither did Kakuzu. It was as wonderful as it had been back in… non-dream world. Hidan fell asleep afterwards against Kakuzu's chest, his lover's heartbeat lulling him into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Hidan awoke to find Kakuzu was gone. Groggy and confused, Hidan got up and slipped into his clothes. He saw a trail of footprints leading away from the clearing and into the forest. His breath hitched. It wasn't a single pair of footprints. As soon as they had found each other, here on this mountain, Kakuzu had to be taken away! Sighing angrily, Hidan set off in search of his lover.

The forest went on forever, and no time seemed to pass. He followed the footprints until an ominous sign appeared: a small area of shuffled sticks and broken twigs, in which two sets of footprints entered, and only one left. Hidan groaned and started off at a quicker pace.

Soon he came to the end of the forest, where the mountain curved off into the foothills. The foothills sloped gently into a plain. Straining his eyes, Hidan saw a figure making its way across the plain, dragging something that resembled a sled behind it. Suddenly feeling as if he had joined the fellowship, Hidan started after them. They were headed towards a ridge of knolls at the horizon, directly across the plain.

No matter how fast he ran, Hidan never caught up to the figure. Before he could even make out what it was exactly, it had disappeared over the knolls. Feeling desperate, hopeless, and scared shitless, Hidan ran even faster after the strange figure. He soon came to the knoll and began climbing, soon reaching the top and surveyed the new land.

It was a paradise. A grassy meadow surrounded by low hills greeted him, small waterfalls tumbling gently to lead to a lake towards the western end of the meadow. A small grove of trees grew around the lake, and everywhere there were flowers. A small knot of people stood in the center of the meadow, seemingly standing in pairs around something- or some_one_- lying on the ground. Fear gripping his heart, Hidan raced down the hill and to the group of people. His worst fears were confirmed. Kakuzu lay unmoving in the center of that beautiful meadow.

"Kakuzu?" Hidan tried, a thin, insane smile tugging at his lips. It couldn't be true. "Come on, Kuzu-chan." He purposely used the nickname Kakuzu loathed, desperate to get a response from his lover. Anger would be better than this. Realisation slowly gripped his mind, and Hidan fell to his knees next to the body. He pressed his ear to Kakuzu's chest, and was greeted by nothing. The heart he had fallen asleep to was stone dead. In an overwhelming wave of grief, Hidan turned his face to the skies and howled his woe to the cloudless blue idyll above. Tears were pouring down his face, and he hadn't even noticed when they started. Slowly, he looked around at the couples of people.

He instantly recognized them. One pair was Deidara and Sasori, another was Itachi and Kisame. Konan stood with someone who was blurred, but by the yellow atop their head, Hidan knew it was Temari. Likewise, Zetsu stood next to a larger figure Hidan couldn't quite make out. And here he was, with a corpse. He threw himself upon Kakuzu's chest, Hidan moaned in lamentation. He gripped Kakuzu's dead, cold, lifeless body. They had only just found each other. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair! Everyone else was standing around, infatuated with love, and all he had was the deceased body of his lover.

__

You only get one….

* * *

Hidan awoke in a cold sweat, shooting straight up. It had been so real! The body had been there… Hidan shook his head, rubbing his eyes and looking around. Light streamed through the window, falling self-righteously across his legs, which were naked under the covers. His breathing calmed slightly. He looked to his left, and was slightly shocked when he didn't find Kakuzu. Glancing out the window, Hidan decided it was late enough in the morning for Kakuzu to have gotten bored and gotten out of bed. After leaping out of bed and quickly locating his boxers, Hidan made his way from the bedroom. He walked down the small hall, and saw Kakuzu in the kitchen, standing in front of the counter. Smiling, Hidan was about to walk over to his lover, when he noticed something strange. Kakuzu was holding a little orange pill bottle. Kakuzu set the bottle down, his back still to Hidan.

"I thought you'd still be asleep, Hidan," he said.

"What are those for, Kakuzu?" Hidan asked softly, not wanting to stumble upon anything that would've been better left under its rock. Kakuzu was silent for a long moment.

__

"Have you told Hidan?"

Kakuzu gripped the edge of the counter.

__

"I'll tell him when it doesn't matter anymore or...when it's too late."

"Kuzu?" Hidan had crept up on him, standing almost directly behind the black haired photographer.

"It's for my heart," Kakuzu said slowly, his voice a monotone. "I need a heart transplant. Soon." Hidan's own heart leapt to his throat. What? Kakuzu was dying? It wasn't fair! They had just _found _each other!

Gently, Hidan wrapped his arms around Kakuzu's torso, pressing his face to his lover's back. The heart he had fallen asleep to just last night was dying. His Kakuzu was dying. On the inside, a bit of him was dying as well. He didn't let go of Kakuzu. He knew he would loose him if he did.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Meep! Ok, I admit it, I have a teensy weensy itty bitty little crush on Temari. But oh well, enjoy my short chapter!

* * *

The next weekend saw them at the spa. The week had been exciting, mainly because Deidara found out how to explode things on the roof without actually exploding the roof, and whenever you thought the day was finally settling down, you'd hear a random 'bang!' from the roof. Hidan found himself dozing one early morning, and was unceremoniously awoken by an explosion. Needless to say, after Konan giving him an earful about sleeping on the job, Deidara found his life at risk.

But all that had happened didn't matter now, as it was being soaked out in the soothing waters of the spa. Hidan sighed, finally being able to relax. He'd been mulling over this new revelation his lover had revealed just last weekend. Ok, so there was time, and the future wasn't really something Hidan thought about. Hell, _nobody _slept with Deidara and thought about the morning. But there was something different about Kakuzu. Everything was different about Kakuzu. Not different in a bad way, no, he rather liked every new quirk revealed, except the last one. But the thing was, he had just automatically assumed 'future'. His brain had simply supplied that Kakuzu was going to be a constant in his life until they both rotted away. It wasn't even conscious. And now… it just wasn't right. It was like he didn't know one of the pieces of the puzzle, so the whole thing was completely batty. 'He could be lying…' Hidan sighed. The only reason Kakuzu would lie would be to get under his skin, and he already knew how to do that and did so on a regular basis.

So Hidan had no choice but to believe Kakuzu. He didn't deal well with stress or pressure, or maturity for that matter. His solution was usually to get angry and beat the shit out of a pillow or innocent bystander. And now, what could he really do? He'd learned Deidara used to pick fights on the streets when he lived in New York, so he couldn't fight him. And then Kisame and Tobi were both too tall to secure a win. He could always fight with Konan, but she was a woman, and women in this part of town either learned defensive techniques and carried pepper spray, or were prostitutes. Picking a fight with Konan was not a bright, or even moderately OK idea. At all. So that left…

Hidan shook his head, jerking back to reality. Was it a sin to think about beating up coworkers? Well he wouldn't think about it if they could defend themselves. He looked up and realized Kakuzu was looking at him strangely. "Do I want to ask what that maniacal, sadistic grin was all about?" he asked slowly. Hidan shrugged.

"Depends on if you're squeamish or not," he replied, a small smile tugging at his lips. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and shook his head, also smiling. But then Hidan coughed, and Kakuzu knew the conversation he had dreaded was going to happen. Hidan had behaved himself during the week, mainly because that's what work required, and had even been so polite as to wait until they were alone before going into this subject, but here it was, and it was begging to be addressed. "So, I've like, been doing a little research." If that wasn't enough to shock Kakuzu out of his skin, Hidan looked like he was going to be civil. "And, like, it's kinda nasty, a few bits and shit. Like, think about it, when you get that surgery, some doctor will be holding your _heart_." Hidan gave a shaky smile. He bit his lip, Kakuzu's gaze boring into him. He cleared his throat.

"But, I'd just sort of like a bit of… clarity." Hidan looked like he was holding himself together with thread. And all for Kakuzu. "Just… give me a rundown of what's going on, all right? I don't want to pry, but dude, I need to know." Kakuzu sighed. He owed it to Hidan. He owed him a complete explanation. So, clearing his throat, he began his tale.

"It's a heart condition known as cardiomyopathy. It's a heart muscle disease. For me, apparently it's genetic… and they would know more if I had any living relatives. But I don't, so… it's sort of been guess work. They've been able to- to keep me alive so far, but a heart transplant is the only way."

"And you're at risk for sudden cardiac death. Yeah, I know. I looked it up. And don't worry, I already know all the stupid little details about symptoms of a heart attack, so no worries there." Hidan had floated over to Kakuzu, looking up at him with desperate eyes. "But you're going to live, right? And you'll get the stupid little transplant, and live happily ever after, right?" Kakuzu almost told him the truth. But they both knew the truth. Hidan knew this was serious and complicated, not some little fairytale. But he needed to hear a glimmer of hope. He needed a reason to be able to sleep at night. With the brutal force of a scared child, Hidan had gripped Kakuzu's hand.

"Of course," Kakuzu sighed. Hidan's forehead was pressed gently to his shoulder.

"Please…" he whispered, almost inaudibly. "I need you." Kakuzu's answer surprised even him.

"I know." It was weird to say, but the words just rolled off his tongue like water. Usually he was pretty critical of soul mates and the like, but how was he to describe this? Did he know how Hidan felt because he knew Hidan so well, or… did he know because he felt the same way? Trying to think of a Hidan-less life gave him shivers, and made him wrap his arms around his lover. And losing Hidan was far more unlikely than Hidan loosing him. It was all Hidan could do not to just go bat shit crazy. It was hard. Life was hard. Why were things always complicated and difficult? Could nothing stay simple?

That night they made love. It was beautiful, perfect, and simple. One body against the other, two mouths, endless cries of pleasure, one soul, intimately joined through the act of love. There were simple, easy things left in life yet.

* * *

A tense silence hung over the office. Everyone was waiting. Suddenly, Deidara, Kisame, Sasori, and Zetsu all stood up and shouted a unified 'YES!' Itachi celebrated the victory in his own way, being more of an introvert. Kakuzu and Hidan exchanged a questioning glance. The door to Konan's office burst open and she stood, grinning ear to ear. "Meeting!" she announced. All the workers gathered around her, a skip in their steps and all smiling. All except for Hidan and Kakuzu, still left in the dark about what all the fuss was over. Konan cleared her throat. "I find I have business to attend to, urgently at home. And because of the legislative victory, anyone who's gay gets the rest of the day off." She smiled one last time at them all and left back into her office to grab her bag.

"Does anyone want to tell us what the fuck is going on?" Hidan demanded. Deidara grinned, grabbing Hidan's hand and dragging him into his cubicle.

"Take a look at that, un!" he cried happily, pointing at the screen. Hidan bent over, staring at the article. Kakuzu read over his shoulder. Slowly, a smile spread over their faces. Kakuzu straightened.

"Well, I do believe Konan gave us the rest of the day off. Come on, Hidan, let's go." Kakuzu turned and left the cubicle. Hidan was staring at Deidara.

"But I'm not gay," he said jokingly. Deidara rolled his eyes, still grinning.

"Sasori promised to buy me alcohol tonight in celebration, un. Among other things, of course, yeah. I'm going to get going, un." Deidara grabbed his bag and shut down his computer, leaving with his read-headed lover. Hidan likewise met up with his own, smirking slightly.

"Deidara gets alcohol, Kuzu-kun! What do I get?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"I'll buy you dinner, as long as you behave yourself," he replied. Hidan's eyes widened.

"Really?" he asked.

"Just nowhere fancy, all right?"

"You'll seriously buy me dinner?"

"But nowhere fancy, all right?" Hidan leapt on Kakuzu, wrapping his arms around his neck.

* * *

Konan opened the door to her apartment. "I'm home!" she called. Temari emerged from the recesses of their apartment, rubbing her eyes.

"Mmm, glad to see you're home," she said, yawning and stretching. Konan handed her a bouquet of flowers and kissed her on the cheek. Temari smiled and sniffed the flowers deeply. "What's all this about?" she asked.

"Have you been on the internet recently?"

"Nope, I was napping. What's up?"

"Come on, I'll show you." They kept a desktop computer constantly on in the spare bedroom, which they had converted into an office. Konan led Temari into here, wiggling the mouse to activate the screen. She soon had the article up on the screen. Temari leaned down to peer at it. Suddenly, she squealed, throwing her arms around Konan's neck. Konan placed her own hands on Temari's waist, holding her close. They stayed like that a moment, enraptured in each other's embrace. Finally, Konan pressed her lips close to Temari's ear. "So how about it?" she asked. "You ready to tie the knot?" Temari looked up into Konan's blue eyes.

"Oh you know it, hon," she said, kissing her fiancé full on the lips.

* * *

"I need to make a phone call," Zetsu said once he and Tobi got home.

"Ok!" Tobi said. He knew Zetsu was going to call _him_. Living with Zetsu, he had to at least know there was a _him_, but nothing more.

Once Tobi was safely out of the room, Zetsu picked up the phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. He held the phone to his ear and waited for the other end to be answered.

"Hello?" Whenever he heard that deep voice answer, he never knew what to say. Just knowing they were connected, be it over a telephone line, was enough to complete his heart. On the other end of the line, _he _chuckled. "I know it's you, Zetsu. You're the only person who calls just to hear me talk."

"I never said that," Zetsu said defensively. The man on the other end chuckled.

"My point exactly. But I don't mind, it's enough to know I'm being heard."

"Oh shut it," Zetsu snapped.

"So what did you call for?" the man asked.

"…."

"Zetsu…"

"What are you doing this weekend?"

"Work, mostly. Why?"

"… You wouldn't like to do something?"

"Zetsu, you know our rules." Zetsu sighed.

"Yes, I know. But… we don't have to go out in public."

"All right. Saturday, 7:00 my place, and don't expect to walk for a week."

"…"

"What do you expect when you beg?"

"A swift kick to the ribs."

"From me, ZetZet," the man cooed.

"Whatever you give me," Zetsu replied.

"I can't stay on much longer, I sense someone coming to make my life hell. So Saturday?"

"Yes."

"Good. See you then." And the line went dead.

* * *

"How the hell are you going to get a priest into a bar?" Kisame asked. Konan pursed her lips.

"We're not. He's going to stand outside a church and shout across a field."

"Figures," Kisame muttered.

"He's better than the first one who threw holy water at us and tried to convert us."

"Do you need a priest?" Itachi asked.

"It makes it more official. And there's going to be alcohol, so it should be fine."

"Well, if no one else is going to say it, congratulations, un!" Deidara gave Konan a hug, smiling.

"Why thank you," Konan said pointedly.

"Hey, we're just watching out for you. Will we get to see you in a skirt?" Kisame asked. Konan smirked.

"You wish," she replied. "I don't think I even own a skirt. But this isn't going to be an overly religious affair."

"Couldn't expect it to be," Sasori said.

"Hey, you know what this reminds me of?" Hidan said. "Back in the Civil Rights Movement when those people rode on those buses to test the new law."

"Freedom Riders?" Konan suggested.

"Yeah, those guys!"

"Hmm," Konan hummed thoughtfully.

"What are we expected to wear, un?" Deidara asked. Konan shrugged.

"What, you expect something fancy? Wear whatever you like, jeans are fine."

"This isn't a conventional wedding, is it?" Kisame pointed out. Konan shrugged.

"What would you expect?" she asked. Kisame grinned.

"Nothing less."

* * *

Sasori looked down at Deidara's sleeping face. In sleep, he looked almost angelic, and quite young. It was times like these, without Deidara smirking and allaying his fears, that Sasori slipped into doubt. Was what he doing all right? This was almost pedophilia, no matter how old Deidara acted. There was a sixteen year age difference. Deidara should be in college, while he should be married, even have kids. But they weren't. They were here. Deidara mumbled something in his sleep and shifted, a frown creasing his forehead. Sasori bent and kissed his cheek. It didn't matter, he told himself. Things were all right. But still, he should be married…


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: If you don't like long A/N's, then skip the iralics. Anyway, this upcoming chapter is a smashing one with some lovely acting. But I probably won't be able to update for a while. 'Mon Dieu, Nikki!' you might say, 'but you're usually super at updating! What's going on?' Well, you see, someone has been tugging at my sleeve. He's quite a rude, ignorant fellow, who could, at best, be described as domineering and bratty. His name? Well, he hasn't really got one. But for now, we'll call him Poison. He is quite anxious to be out of the sticky situations I've got him in (currently, I have left him traveling to a dinner party with his evil grandfather, soon to find out his doom is forever sealed. _

_If you'd like to read a bit more about Poison, PM me and I'll send you the link to it. _

_If you have a problem with this situation, feel free to contact me via PM, and address it to Poison. Express all your grief and woe and anger and frustration at him, because it's really his fault for having such a damn good story. Yes, blame Poison, not me. Anyway, this story will still be continued, simply at a slower rate. Just bear with me, all right? I'm planning on dedicating this story to a teacher of mine, and I need to finish it before school's out. I hope you understand, and if you get bored, read some of my other, finished stories. Thank you for reading (and reviewing, for those of you who bother). _

_-WhirledPeace. _

* * *

The priest had asked them to all stay at least ten feet back, and had shouted "You're married, but don't kiss in my church!" Nobody really cared. It was better than exchanging vows and having the full ceremony, because half the audience had a desperately short attention span. As they all headed off to the bar, hurried introductions were made from one side of the family to the other.

"Ok, these are my two brothers, Kankuro and Gaara, and this is my best friend, Shikamaru Nara," Temari was saying, gesturing to each of the men.

"You've already met all of my men," Konan said, shrugging. Deidara was, for some unknown reason, trying not to be seen. Unfortunately, as he tried to hide behind Sasori, his redhead didn't help in the least.

"What's up?" Hidan whispered.

"I picked a fight with that Gaara kid, un," Deidara replied. "Beat him up pretty bad, yeah." Hidan snickered.

"Maybe this'll teach you to be more careful about who you beat up," he replied.

"The kid was asking for it, hmm," Deidara replied, wrinkling his nose. Sasori glanced back at him.

"Caution is something that evades Deidara," he said lazily.

"Whose side are you on, anyway, yeah?" Deidara cried.

"Logic's side," Sasori replied. Deidara stuck out his tongue.

"But anyway, the kid's a pushover, so if he picks something he's going to get his ass handed to him, un. So that's why I'm hiding, Konan will slaughter me if I get in a fight at her wedding, yeah." Temari's friend was now staring at them weirdly. Deidara stopped hiding behind Sasori, simply opting for walking behind Kakuzu. Shikramaru didn't seem interested anymore, and continued his conversation with Kankuro.

"That guy gives me the creeps," Hidan whispered to Kakuzu. Kakuzu said nothing, but he evidently felt the same by the stiffness in his posture. There was something definitely off about the man.

Deidara, by way of uke-eyes, managed to get Sasori to buy him a drink. Begrudgingly, Konan, Sasori, and Kakuzu all volunteered to be the designated drivers. The main argument was that Deidara driving was enough to make anyone sober, Temari was likely to get extremely drunk in her endeavors to drink everyone under the table, and Hidan didn't have a driver's license. Tobi happily volunteered to abstain on alcohol, and Zetsu did as well. They would probably end up taking home anyone who happened to get drunk and not have a ride.

"…and I'd like to congratulate the newly wed couple. Two greater women couldn't be found in a million years," Kankuro finished. Everyone applauded and Konan and Temari had to share a kiss.

"Damn, he knows how to draw out a speech, un," Deidara muttered.

"I heard he didn't want their other brother to have too much time to drink," Hidan replied. Deidara sighed.

"It's not very often someone buys me a drink-" he started.

"Bull shit, Deidara! _I_ even bought you a drink!" Kisame interrupted. Deidara glanced fearfully at Itachi.

"Like, a long, long time ago, yeah!" he tried. Itachi sighed.

"I won't bother picking a fight with you, Deidara. In the end, I have a stick and you don't," he replied. Hidan looked up from the impending argument to find that Shikamaru guy staring at him. Resisting the urge to flick the man off, Hidan maintained eye contact. Shikamaru stared back lazily, Hidan growing slightly agitated. Kakuzu looked up and back at Shikamaru, giving him a look that made him back down. Then Kakuzu turned his gaze to Hidan, quirking an eyebrow. Hidan shrugged and mouthed 'creep'. Kakuzu nodded slightly, understanding.

"Aah! I'm sorry, Itachi-sama, un!" Deidara cried, trying to get his ponytail free from Itachi's grip. Itachi looked livid, but Kisame was oddly amused.

"What did he say?" Hidan asked Sasori. Sasori sighed and shook his head.

"He said: 'I never thought I'd be saying this, but you need to get the stick _out_ of your ass.' I'd say he deserves what he's got." Sasori sipped his drink calmly as Deidara groveled. Hidan snickered. Again, he felt a pair of eyes on him. He looked up, angrily, to meet Shikamaru's eyes. Trying to keep his cool, Hidan tried to deal with the situation civilly. He leaned over the table to be able to speak to the other man.

"Please stop staring at me," he said pointedly. Shikamaru blinked and shook his head.

"Sorry, what?"

"You heard me."

"Sorry, I was spacing. Terribly sorry to have offended you." Hidan bit back a sharp reply and leaned back. Kakuzu again quirked the inquisitive eyebrow. Hidan shook his head, motion discreet. Kakuzu understood. Itachi had finally let go of Deidara's hair, settling back. Deidara, whimpering, retreated to Sasori.

"Sasori, Itachi hurt me, un!" he whined cutely. Sasori shrugged.

"You had it coming." Hidan winced. He knew Sasori would be in for the most painful seduction tonight for that remark.

At the other end of the table, Temari excused herself to use the restroom. Shikamaru's eyes followed her, and he likewise excused himself and followed her. Hidan didn't have much sense, but he did have intuition. And intuition told him that something bad was going to happen. "I'm gonna go take a piss," he muttered, following Shikamaru. Kakuzu watched him go and sighed. "I hope he values his life," he muttered. "Konan would kill him if he shed blood at her wedding."

Hidan arrived to find that Shikamaru had cornered Temari. Temari had the sweetest kind of smile. It was awkward but confident, the kind you just couldn't help but let slip to your face. But, it was slowly fading.

"Look, I didn't want to tell you this here, now, or ruin your wedding or anything…" Shikamaru was saying. Temari was looking apprehensive and a bit worried, but she let her friend continue. But he didn't say the fateful three words. Quick as lightning, he leaned forward and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Temari's eyes went wide, but before she could react Hidan was there. He grabbed Shikamaru's shoulder and pulled him off of the blond woman.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Hidan growled, glaring at Shikamaru. "Why sexually harass a woman on her wedding night?" Shikamaru jerked out of Hidan's hold.

'This isn't any of your business, fag," he spat. "I hate you and your homosexual faggots." Hidan just sort of stared at him for a moment, trying to comprehend what had just happened. "Oh? You want to make something of it?" Shikamaru raised his fists. Hidan considered it for a moment. He could easily completely murder this Shikamaru, no sweat. But… Kakuzu deserved a lover with testicles, and alive.

"I'd never start a fight at a friend's wedding," Hidan sighed. Shikamaru stared at him. Hidan felt rather accomplished, and was about to compliment himself for keeping his head, when a fist landed a punch right in Shikamaru's nose. Shikamaru clutched his now bleeding nose and backed against the wall. Bewildered, Hidan looked around for the embodiment of his bloodlust. Temari was wiping her hand on her shirt.

"You bastard!" she cried. "For God's sake, could you hold in your disgusting sexual fantasies for _one night_? You perverted, spineless, gutless, pig of a creature! I'd never even call you a man! I suggest you leave, Shikamaru, before I really hit you!" Shikamaru just stared at her. Temari then addressed them both. "If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have to take a piss." She turned her back on them and entered the women's bathroom. Hidan stared after her. He suddenly remembered a piece of advice his father had given him, before he died: 'Son, never hit a lady, because she'll hit you back twice as hard.' He smiled to himself and glanced at Shikamaru.

"You know, if you value your ability to procreate, you'd better shag a lot of women tonight, before Konan gets her hands on you." Turning, he left the strange man there. With a slight spring in his step, he sat back down at the table. Kakuzu glanced at him, then decided he probably didn't want to know. A minute later, Temari returned from the toilet, sitting back down next to Konan and hurriedly beginning a whispered conversation. Numerous times Konan threw looks over at Hidan. Kakuzu decided he might just want to know what was going on. He glanced at Hidan, who was grinning. So he didn't fear for his life. That was probably a good sign. Konan finally cleared her throat and walked over to Hidan.

"I would like to fully thank you for your display of bravery and self-control." Kakuzu's curiosity was aroused. This was certainly an odd situation.

"Aw, Konan-chan, I couldn't have done anything less," Hidan replied modestly, grinning ear to ear. Konan wrinkled her nose at the nickname, but let it slide this time. Once she returned to her seat, Kakuzu made eye contact with Hidan. "Shikamaru decided to kiss Temari, and I pulled him off her. He tried to pick a fight, but I backed down. Then Temari broke his nose." Kakuzu smiled. Of course.

* * *

"Kakuzu, my office, please," Konan said. Before she disappeared into her office, however, Kakuzu caught sight of the papers in her hands: medical records. He looked at Hidan, who looked back nervously.

"Well, you'd better go," he said. Kakuzu sighed and turned to follow Konan to her office. He had been discriminated against in many job opportunities because of his impending death. But this job meant the world to him, and he wasn't sure he could handle losing it.

Konan was seated on her desk, as always, the papers by her side. Her lips were pursed, and she looked angry to the point of disgust. "So," she said, trying to keep her voice neutral, "you need a heart transplant."

"Yes, Konan-san." Konan looked like she was biting back something terrible. She picked up the papers and looked at them for a long moment. Then she sighed, putting them down.

"It's not very often I lose my temper. Not very often at all. But this morning I received an e-mail that was greatly distressing. Your old employers decided to send along your medical record. If this wasn't enough, they sent along a 'personal note' about how I should feel about this." Konan gritted her teeth. "To think, someone would actually tell me to let go of you while I could, before things got worse. It's disgusting, barbaric, and inhuman!" Konan clenched her fists, took a deep breath, and relaxed. "I've averaged that they've broken at least three laws, but there could be more if I did some research. You do know that they fired you because of your condition, correct?" Kakuzu gave a curt nod. "Right. They have no right to do that, and it violates your rights. I've informed them acutely of their misconduct, but haven't made any threats yet. What are your thoughts of my next step?" Kakuzu sighed.

"Konan-san, I have no doubt you'd fight tooth and nail against these people, but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm here." Konan gave a wry smile.

"Of course, Kakuzu. I'm not sure how we'd manage without you." Konan looked around the dark office. "How much does your insurance pay for?" she asked suddenly.

"Most of it."

"So what portion are you paying for out of your own pocket?"

"Some of it."

"How much financial aid do you need?"

"Not any."

"If you're sure. Don't be afraid to ask for help." They were silent for a long moment. "What's your blood type?"

"O positive." Konan hummed.

"Universal receiver," she murmured. "I'm not a doctor, I don't know what the likelihood of you getting a heart would be. But I do know that I will do everything in my power to make sure we leave no stone unturned. There is nothing I wouldn't do, inside the law, to make sure we don't have to lose you." Konan's determined expression almost made Kakuzu believe. He could almost believe she could take care of him and fix everything. But there was no way to beat the system. There was no way to move up on The List. Though, he was sure, if there was a way, Konan would throw herself into it.

"Thank you, Konan-san," he said. "I knew I could count on you."

"What did Konan want?" Hidan asked anxiously.

"To rant at me about my last employers," he replied smoothly. "What do we have to photograph today?"

* * *

"Can we chat?" Sasori asked. Kakuzu was standing in his cubicle, leaning against the wall.

"Sure," Kakuzu replied.

"I'm thinking of proposing to Deidara," Sasori said. Kakuzu's eyes widened and his mouth fell open in shock. Sasori rolled his eyes.

"You-" Kakuzu started, but Sasori gave him a withering look.

"Hear me out, all right?" he said sternly. "It's a perfectly plausible legal arrangement. Deidara is young, and has not legal guardian. He has to act as a guardian to his cousin, and it might take some of the stress off if he was legally under someone's care. Plus, if… if this is forever, then I'm likely to die before him. If so, I'd like him to be taken care of. Not to mention it's now legal and he'd say yes." Kakuzu stayed silent for a long moment.

"What does this do for you?" he finally asked.

"Peace of mind. I'm a stable person, I like commitment and stability. This will give me the peace of mind I need. Sort of like a stress reliever." Kakuzu smirked.

"But you two can fuck without being married, you know." Sasori sighed.

"Not _that _kind of stress reliever, Kuzu," he said. "I just… I want to feel that happiness. You saw Konan and Temari, right? I want to just seal our relationship like that." Sasori's eyes shone with emotion, as if he was begging Kakuzu to understand. Kakuzu shrugged.

"Sure. It doesn't really matter he's just nineteen, he's an adult." Sasori nodded. "But you have to do it tactfully. If you don't, Deidara just might write an article on how to propose."

* * *

"Deidara, there's something I want to talk to you about," Sasori said, walking into the dining room. Deidara looked up from his book.

"Sure," he said. Sasori walked over to him and took his hand, getting down on one knee. He gently brought Deidara's hand to his lips.

"Since I've met you, my life has seemed worth living. Since you brashly, noisily made your appearance, you've made me see that there is love in this world, and that it can happen to an ordinary guy like me. I've never felt this before, and among the things you've shown me, the most important is what true love is. So, Deidara, will you marry me?" Sasori looked up tentatively. Deidara was looking at him amusedly.

"You've gotten down on one knee, Sasori, but can you get up, un?" he said. Sasori blinked, looking much like a fish out of water. Deidara laughed and leaned forward, kissing the top of Sasori's head. "I know it's all for show, yeah. You knew my answer before you even thought about it, hmm." Deidara smirked at Sasori, who was grinning, relieved, up at him. With a bit of wiggling, Sasori settled himself between Deidara's legs, holding the blonde's hips and resting his head on his thighs.

"I love you," Sasori mumbled, just glad he was blessed enough to kneel here and hold his lover close. Deidara chuckled and pet his hair lovingly.

"Love you too, yeah," Deidara said.

* * *

That was before 'Danna' had just slipped into his vocabulary. When asked, Deidara would reply it was a perfectly suitable pet name. But Kakuzu knew better. He knew Sasori, perhaps in the throes of passion, had asked Deidara to call him that. He knew, from the discreet smirk that came to Sasori's face anytime Deidara used it.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Hey all, sorry for the hold up! My original story decided to take a new twist. I would like to congratulate Fyn for getting a personality and finding his purpose in my story. Yay for Fyn.

I sometimes think authors are the worst people on earth, because they get paid more the more pain they cause and how many good, strong, heroic people they orphan. XD Enjoy, this is a piece of crap, but enjoy anyway!

* * *

Time slipped past. Everyone seemed to stay the same, as if they were stuck in a bubble. Sasori was still a jerk to anyone who wasn't his Dei-chan, Konan still made vague threats about various bits of their anatomy if they didn't heed her deadlines, Kisame was still acting chivalrous to the point of sainthood, while Kakuzu was still as stoic and cold (not that Hidan minded, thankyouverymuch. And Deidara could keep his nose in his own business, for once.)

Itachi was quiet and still took the bait Deidara threw at him, and Zetsu still bounced between extreme happiness and utter depression. Tobi was Tobi, being the annoying shit as usual, and Deidara still stuck his nose where it didn't belong, blew shit up, and jumped at any sign of receiving alcohol. And, Hidan supposed, he was still the same. He still swore, rode his motorcycle as if he were bowling for pedestrians and bushes, and still loved Kakuzu with all his heart.

* * *

"Temari's pregnant."

"Yay! Bust out the champagne, un!"

"Is that all you think about?" Kakuzu sighed.

"No, yeah!"

"Excluding sex." Deidara paused, rubbing the back of his head and thinking hard.

"Uh…" Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Well congratulations, Konan," Kisame said.

"Yeah, congratulations," Itachi added.

"Thank you," Konan said politely. But Hidan had flippantly made a remark and now Sasori was about ready to kill him.

"Do we need to take this outside?" Sasori asked, glaring up at Hidan. Hidan shrugged.

"Dei ain't worth it."

"Oh it's so on!" Deidara yawned, leaning against the wall to watch the fight. Konan rolled her eyes and retreated into her office, Kisame behind her. Itachi snuck around the fight and back to his cubicle, and Kakuzu stood next to Deidara.

"You know, you could stop this," he said conversationally. Deidara shrugged.

"Danna's gonna get his ass handed to him, and I'd be damned if I didn't want to watch, un."

"You have your cruel side, don't you?"

"Are you kidding?" Hidan joined in. "Deidara only has two modes: cruel and seducing!" Deidara didn't take the bait, but Sasori did. As the verbal fight continued, Deidara looked around, quite bored.

"So how have you been, yeah?"

"You fucking bastard!" Sasori cried.

"Fine, actually," Kakuzu replied. "Marriage suiting you well?"

"Oh yes, quite well, thank you."

"Are you going to save your 'Danna'?"

"No, un. He knows I don't need defending, so this is his mess, yeah."

"I'd better make sure Hidan doesn't do something. Hidan!" Hidan turned, the front of Sasori's shurt scrunched in his fist. "Deidara's just waiting for an excuse to beat you to a bloody pulp. Put Sasori down, we have some pictures to take." Hidan glanced at Deidara, who was smirking slightly. Slowly, he lowered his fist. Deidara chuckled. Somehow, Hidan felt like he had done just what Deidara had wanted.

* * *

Konan sat on her desk, Kisame sitting beside her, a beer in each of their hands. "This reminds me of when we met," Konan said suddenly. Kisame chuckled.

"Don't remind me, that was the worst hangover I've ever had," he replied. Konan smiled.

"Didn't even bother me," she said.

"I'll never understand how you've managed to get an inhumanly high alcohol tolerance. It's been pretty long since college, hasn't it?"

"Sure has. Kind of strange how you can never tell what your future holds, no?"

"So true." They sat in silence for a moment, before Konan reached across the desk and plucked an envelope from a stack of papers.

"This is from one of our possible benefactors. If we can impress them enough, we might be able to make it big." Konan grinned.

"So we have to lock Tobi in a closet?" Kisame asked. Konan chuckled.

"He's a good worker and doesn't bring down the business, as long as he's not fawning over Deidara.

"You've noticed it too?"

"Who hasn't?" Konan sighed.

"I'd say everyone but Deidara."

"Let's hope it stays that way. Our little writer is finally happy, and I prefer to have a happy staff." Kisame hummed. "What?"

"I don't know. Deidara and Sasori are happy, but how about Hidan and Kakuzu?"

"What about them?"

"Is there anything, I don't know, different about them?"

"Different? I don't know, they've always been strange."

"Well, maybe not Kakuzu, but Hidan?"

"Hidan? He's still an ass. Nothing different."

"That's the thing, he's civil."

"Civil? Do you hear what's going on in the hall?"

"Not to Deidara, they've always been like that. But how about him and Kakuzu? He's sort of been treating him… I don't know… delicately?"

"To think you're a writer. I'd say fragile, which could easily be attributed to his tentativeness and tenderness in love."

"I don't buy that."

"I'm an employer, and as such I am not entitled to give out personal information."

"Oh, so it's that, is it?"

"Yeah." They sat in a companionable silence. But as always with Konan, she had to bring up some sort of business. "You own a car, correct?" she asked, standing up and walking around the desk.

"Yeah, why?"

"Put this on it," Konan replied, handing him a bumper sticker. Kisame grinned.

"No on Prop. 8. Great. You don't actually think it has a chance, do you?" Konan shook her head.

"Of course not. But you never know, and I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"Right." Another silence descended. "Really?"

"Please, Kisame, this is America. Freedom and justice for all, remember?"

"Right…"

"Besides, it violates our ninth amendment rights. No way is it going to pass." Kisame sighed.

"I hope you're right."

* * *

A silence hung over the office, thick and suffocating. Everyone was there, excepting Sasori and Deidara, Sasori had been sent to give a review of a new art exhibit in Canada, and Deidara was only a few minutes late. No one had actually seen Konan, she arrived before everyone else to unlock the doors, but they presumed the locked office door meant someone had to be there to lock it.

The doors to the building burst open, and Deidara stormed in, throwing the newspaper on the ground. He walked down the hall, banging once on each cubicle and grumbling angrily. Once he reached the stairs to the roof, he turned to announce to the office. "Anyone who gives a shit about rights come on up to the roof, un," he called, turning and marching up the stairs. Kakuzu and Hidan had emerged from the dark room. They exchanged a glance and joined Kisame and Konan to follow Deidara to the roof. They stood aside, watching Deidara assemble an explosive at the center of the roof. Then the blond retreated to join them. "Want to say anything poetic, yeah?"

"If only this was those bastards' heads?"

"You don't even write, Hidan, un. Did anyone prepare a eulogy to freedom?"

"We're kissing goodbye to any hopes of a free society with a bang," Kisame said, glaring at the ground.

"I'll miss the hope of a tolerant society. This will be forever the copper stain on the carpet of a good name," Konan sighed.

"But this isn't the end, yeah," Deidara grumbled fiercely. "Like hell we'll let this defeat us, un. A minor setback, that's all, hmm." Deidara bent and lit the fuse. "This isn't an act of mourning, it's an act of defiance, yeah!" and the act of defiance exploded.

* * *

Konan retreated into her office, while the rest were left to put on brave smiles and cheer on their new president. A little while later, she emerged. "Meeting!" she called. Everyone assembled before her, most just looking for direction. She had a determined expression. "As we all know, we know have a president who isn't an illiterate dumbass. The press is going to explode. America is going to explode. The world is going to explode. Deidara, please, I hate that look you're giving right now. Remove it at once. Anyway, with the entire world practically falling to pieces and scrambling like mad to give a new facet on this phenomenon, how are we going to get noticed?" No one said a thing. "We'll pay our homage to our new president, like everyone else. Deidara-" Konan pointed abruptly to the blond who was still sulking. "Would any gay people vote yes on prop. 8?" Surprised, the blond shook his head.

"No, un."

"Why not?"

"Because-"

"Don't go on an angry tirade, please, most of these people are on our side."

"Because it only affected us, yeah."

"Good. Finish it off with something about Obama."

"Obama… wasn't mean about his campaign?"

"Good, now don't sound like a four year old." Realisation dawned in Deidara's eyes.

"Obama represents change, yeah? Bring us out of this eight year hostage crisis, un? Well, we can start with equality, can't we?"

"Prop. 8 was proposed while Bush was president."

"Exactly my point, Konan, un. Go Obama, yeah." With that, Deidara marched determinedly to his cubicle. Konan smirked. She then rounded on Kisame.

"Kisame, how important is marriage?"

"Very?"

"To the stability of society?"

"Very."

"To a man."

"Very."

"Good, move your ass, and congratulate Obama!" Kisame was gone. Konan was on a roll. She turned to Zetsu. "Legislatively, how important is it that we vote?" Zetsu simply stared at her. "As oppose to China, Zet, come on!"

"Important."

"Good. Now, can I decide what you do, as a citizen to a citizen?"

"Not unless you're my boss."

"Exactly. And a boss has more standing than an employee in the workplace, doesn't she?"

"Not here."

"I'm not talking about here. I'm making an extended metaphor." Zetsu finally got it as well.

"I America, everyone is equal. Go Obama." And he, too, left. Now there was only Kakuzu, Hidan, and Itachi left.

"Itachi, I'm afraid Deidara is probably going to make many spelling mistakes because he's angry and doesn't have his Danna. Be sure to check his extra thoroughly, all right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Don't call me ma'am, I'm not the bloody queen." Itachi smiled lightly and left for his office. Konan then turned her sights to Kakuzu. "The world's on fire. In the end, if it's red white and blue, or rainbow, it looks the same. Get moving."

"What the hell was that supposed to mean?" Hidan whispered as they set out.

"If you burn an American flag, and you burn a gay pride flag, it's still a bit of cloth on fire, right?"

"Oh. OH!" Hidan's face lit up. "I get it!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes. Hidan could be so dense sometimes. "Does this mean we get to burn things?" Yup, dense.

"No, but we're going to have to capture the great joy to the great sorrow. Think we can manage?"

"Sure, if you buy me lunch."

"I'm game to throw the issue."

"You're no fun."

"Yes I am, fun is free." Hidan paused a moment, staring at his lover. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You have a dirty mind, Hidan."

* * *

The dark figure stared down at the issue of _Akatsuki _on his desk. The cover was what he had expected. Obama, change, bright future, blah, blah, blah. But the back cover was even more disturbing. Various things on fire, and a few bankers and republican politicians. Above it, it read: It's Almost Over. Go Obama. He flipped it open and stared at the article he wanted to read. There was only one writer in this entire magazine who he enjoyed reading.

A few minutes later, thoroughly moved, the man picked up his phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. Zetsu picked up on the third ring. "Hai?"

"I just read your article." His statement was met with silence. "Oh, Zetsu, why so quiet?"

"Go Obama."

"Pardon?"

"You heard me."

"Uh… yes… go Obama?"

"Exactly."

"You lost me."

"Well that's a first."

"What's with you?"

"I'm in a bad mood."

"I can see that."

"No, you can hear it."

"My place tonight, then?"

"I suppose."

"Six? We can have dinner?"

"If we must." And Zetsu hung up. The man sighed. His Zetsu had mental disorders to the point of not being able to function without medication, and sometimes it got the better of him. It was best not to let it bother him. On the other hand, this issue of _Akatsuki _was quite amazing…


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Hey all, this is a rather desperate chapter of dialogue! I dedicate this chapter to black55widow, because she deserves a little special something.

* * *

"Konan-saaaaaaaaan!" Tobi called, bursting into her office without knocking. Konan groaned.

"Tobi, how many times do I have to tell you not to barge in without knocking?" she snapped.

"Sorry, Konan-san, but- hey, why do I have to knock?"

"Because the prostitute under my desk needs to have at least two seconds of warning," Konan replied. Tobi stared at her.

"You-"

"Sarcasm, Tobi. Now come in, for God's sake." Tobi hurriedly stepped into the office and closed the door behind himself.

"There's an important looking letter here for you," Tobi said, handing it over. Konan took it hurriedly and glanced at the address. She smiled.

"Thank you, Tobi. Anything else?"

"No ma- Konan-san."

"Good. Go see if Itachi needs anything copied." Tobi skipped merrily out of the room, Konan settling back in her chair.

* * *

"Gah! For Christ's sake, I do not need anything copied, delivered, or translated into brail, yeah! Go annoy somebody who needs something done, yeah!" Hidan glanced up at Kakuzu.

"What do you want to bet Tobi decided to pester Deidara today?" Kakuzu sighed.

"He's next to useless. I don't see why we need him around."

"Would you like Zetsu to run the copier?"

"Could be interesting."

"If it's not too much trouble, please be civil and refrain from discussing me behind my back, please," came Zetsu's curt voice from his cubicle. Hidan wiggled his middle finger at the small enclosure. He dragged Kakuzu out of hearing distance.

"See, that's what happens when you don't get enough sex. And you wonder why I'm always horny." Kakuzu sighed, rolling his eyes.

"What are you, Freud?"

"Who?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"Never mind." Just then, Tobi trotted happily into Hidan.

"Oops! Sorry, Hidan! Sempai threw me out of his office." Tobi skipped merrily down the hall and to the copy machine. Hidan and Kakuzu exchanged a look. Reading each other's minds, they retreated to the darkroom. Hidan was shaking his head.

"My God, when Sasori gets back he's going to slaughter that little brat."

"I'd love to disagree, but you're right. Sasori is very protective."

"Part of me wants to save the poor soul and tell him to stop coming on to Deidara, but the other half wants to see a good fight."

"It won't be a good fight, it'll be Sasori beating the shit out of a mentally disabled, immature copy guy."

"And that doesn't constitute good fight because…?" Kakuzu sighed.

"I'm not a fucking woman, you retard, un!" Hidan chuckled.

"Let's go see what's up this time," he said, sneaking from the darkroom and down the hall. Deidara was glaring daggers at Tobi, who looked sorry enough, but couldn't quite grasp what he'd done wrong. "What's going on?" Hidan asked.

"I only said Sempai's hair was pretty today, honest!" Tobi cried. Hidan chuckled, patting the taller man on the shoulder.

"Tobi, Deidara is a man. To any man, no matter how gay, pretty is not a compliment."

"I didn't mean to be mean!" Tobi cried pathetically. Hidan turned to Deidara.

"Have a heart, Deidara," he said, trying not to laugh. Deidara sniffed.

"I don't eat mine cold, yeah." With that, he turned and went back into his cubicle. Hidan sighed, looking sympathetically at Tobi.

"Now, if you want my advice, I suggest you hide right now. When Sasori gets back, I'll bet he somehow has some form of weaponry on him." Tobi blanched. "Oh, of course you expected Deidara's little hubby to wreak his complete and full revenge on you. That's the only reason Deidara didn't punch your lights out right now, he knows Sasori's gonna give it to you worse." Tobi was looking more and more panicked. Hidan sighed. "Do you want to know what to do?"

"What?"

"Go buy me a coffee and a doughnut, and I'll take care of the rest." Tobi leapt to do as Hidan instructed. Once he was out of earshot, Hidan burst out laughing.

"That was mean," Kakuzu commented, smiling himself. Deidara peeked over the top of his cubicle.

"Next time make him get me a laté, yeah."

"You two are horrible," Kisame said, sticking his own head over his cubicle wall. "You could've gotten him to do it without threatening him."

"But he deserved it, un!" Deidara whined.

"But you shouldn't make fun of crippled people," Kisame replied.

"I don't think he's that bad," Itachi said, suddenly joining the conversation. "Maybe it's just an act?"

"He could be an ex-axe murderer," Hidan said, eyes lighting up.

"Or a secret genius that Konan has secret plans for," Kisame said, joining in.

"Like it's a test or something, to see if we can be nice to strange people, un?" Deidara suggested.

"Yeah. Or, he's the leader of an alien race, and just can't quite get a handle on being human," Hidan said. They all laughed at that. Around the corner, Tobi sighed, sitting on the floor, feeling like crying.

* * *

Hidan brushed past Kakuzu, a pillow held against his chest. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. Hidan grinned and put the pillow on the couch, before walking back to the bedroom. Kakuzu watched as he brought another pillow out and put it on the ground next to the couch. He then made to go back to the bedroom, before Kakuzu stopped him.

"What's going on?" he asked. Hidan grinned a little wider.

"We're having a camp-out in the living room," he replied matter-of-factly. "And don't you dare think of saying no," he added as Kakuzu opened his mouth to reply. "Come on, it'll be fun! You know, like in middle school?" Kakuzu remained silent. "Well, this'll be your first living room camp-out, then!" Hidan happily went back to the bedroom to retrieve God knows what else. Kakuzu leaned casually against the wall, trying to remember if he had ever been to a sleepover. Probably in elementary school… maybe… his memory really had gone to shit. Probably not after elementary, though. That's when people chose friends for different reasons, and had refused to hang out with him. Kakuzu shook his head. This was stupid. But he might as well just cave in to Hidan's whim.

He watched as Hidan set up two sleeping bags, sort of curious and sort of wary. This couldn't possibly be a subliminal message that Hidan didn't want to sleep in the same bed, could it? No, Hidan was mature enough to talk out anything- mature. Hidan. Shit.

"Kuzu?"

"Hmm?"

"Spacing much?" Kakuzu shrugged. "Hey, I've got a question."

"Shoot."

"Do you speak Japanese?"

"Fluently."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Say something in Japanese."

"Aishiteru." He hadn't meant to say it, it was just one of the first things that had popped into his head. Being bilingual, he often thought in Japanese and English equally, so he'd probably thought that. He had never said it in any seriousness to anyone.

"And what does that mean?" Hidan asked. Kakuzu pecked his lips.

"I love you." Hidan smiled happily. He functioned much better with someone wrapped around his finger.

* * *

After a game of rock paper scissors, pouting, threats, and a few crocodile tears, they ended up watching The Lord of the Rings three hour marathon. For the first hour they had made jokes about it, but Hidan not having actually read the books limited how far they could take them. For the second hour they just ended up tangled up on the couch, staring mindlessly at the screen. For the final hour, Hidan got bored and started pondering the meaning of life, while Kakuzu sat and pondered where the hell Tom Bombadil went.

Hidan bit his lip as he glanced at Kakuzu. He was going over his conversation with Sasori carefully. He doubted he'd be able to get a hold of the redhead this weekend. Deidara said he deserved to be fucked the entire weekend to make up for Sasori being gone and having their marriage flushed down the toilet by prop. 8. That wouldn't have been much of a problem, if Sasori hadn't full heartedly agreed. So how he was doing his best to remember advice given by his friend.

__

"I don't really have all the grimy details, Kakuzu doesn't talk about that."

"Well fuck."

"Don't swear."

"And you're screwing Deidara?"

"Shut it. Why do you want to know?"

"I think it bugs him. I mean, not a lot, but it's kinda like… it's there, and he doesn't quite know how to say it…"

"I don't quite follow, but if you want to get anything out of that man, you have to do so tactfully. It's better if the lights are off, Kakuzu, as you know, has a thing about how he looks. Tell him exactly what you want from him by telling him about yourself, everything you'd like to know about."

"You lost me."

"If you want to know if he had a water balloon fight with his uncle when he was twelve, tell him that you didn't have a water balloon when you were twelve with your uncle."

"Oh. Oh! I get it!"

"Good for you. Have I helped you enough?"

"Yup. Thanks a lot!"

Hidan began absentmindedly running his fingers through Kakuzu's hair. Kakuzu leaned back, enjoying the affectionate gesture. The tender ending was coming to a close, Frodo leaving on the ship towards la-la-land, but neither of them was paying attention. Hidan kissed Kakuzu's cheek, sliding off the couch and finding Kakuzu's lips with his own. Kakuzu kissed back, hands alighting on Hidan's hips. They kissed passionately for a minute or two, before Hidan climbed off of Kakuzu and lay back on the couch. Kakuzu lay down on his own sleeping bag next to the couch. With a deep breath, Hidan began.

"So, like, I don't think my parents even married. My dad wasn't a bad guy, liked, he smoked and drank and shit, but he wasn't mean or anything. My mom didn't like him, though, and she tried to get full custody of me. So I could only see him on weekends and holidays, and she remarried a freak. I liked my dad. He was cool. Like, he took me to amusement parks and taught me to ride a motorcycle." Kakuzu listened patiently. "But he died when I was ten. He happened to be caught in the cross-fire of some gang fight.

"My step-dad is a real number. They had two kids together, and nothing I did could make me equal to them. Like, seriously, no joke. And my mom liked her nice, normal kids a lot better than me. So I did everything I could to piss them off. My step-dad doesn't like the fact I'm bi, so I'd be sure to remind him of it every chance I got. They hated me riding motorcycles, so I did it as loudly and as often as possible." Hidan chuckled slightly. "But there was no way they'd let me drop out of college, so I just went into photography and modeling. My half-siblings are starting to rebel as well, so it seems like I've started anarchy in a previously acceptable household." Hidan was silent. "So how 'bout you?" Kakuzu sighed. Hidan was really obvious.

"My parents were drug lords. They had as much money as they did enemies. I was six when it happened. I got a backpack, packed a few things, and left. I really was going to run away. But eventually, after the rest of the day, I got picked up by a cop. The cop took me home, and almost caught my parents doing a drug deal. Once the cop left, I went through so much hell. I won't go into it all. So the next day, I ran away again. I was picked up again, but when we got back to my house, it was burned to the ground." Kakuzu sighed. "Nothing else really happened."

"Liar. How the hell did you end up in Japan?"

"I grew up here, and it seemed like everything was a lie. They kept saying someone would bother to take me in, and the counselor would want to talk to me and might give a shit about what was going on with me. I'd rather they just said no one would ever care. I appreciate truthfulness more than lies."

"So no one…"

"No. But I managed to scrape up enough money to go study business in Japan. There I met Sasori, and you know the rest."

"Where did you learn Japanese?"

"School."

"So who's older, you or Sasori?"

"Me."

"Why did you move to Japan?"

"To learn business."

"Oh."

"And… it was easier to obtain the medication I needed." They hadn't mentioned Kakuzu's condition in what felt like ages. Hidan had already gone into something akin to denial. A long silence descended on the couple.

"I love you," Hidan said suddenly. Kakuzu hummed.

"I love you too," he said. And they both truly and honestly meant it.

* * *

Sasori straddled Deidara on the bed, kissing heatedly. He removed his mouth long enough to gaze at Deidara's face, before he descended once again to the blonde's neck. Deidara moaned and pressed their chests together, and something felt different. Sasori pushed Deidara back and stuck his hand up the blonde's shirt. Deidara moaned and arched up against Sasori, but the redhead pushed him back down, stripping his torso. Definitely, round, plump breasts. Deidara leaned back willingly, spreading his… her… thighs…

Sasori stuck his hand down Deidara's pants. His eyes widened as he did not find what he was looking for. He looked at Deidara, and-

Sasori shot straight up in bed, breathing hard. The room was still dark. "Mmm, Danna?" Deidara asked sleepily, rolling over.

"You're a man."

"Mm-hmm. Teenager if you want to be technical, un." Deidara yawned, curling up.

"I'm gay."

"Good for you, yeah. I am too, un."

"Like, seriously."

"We'll have sex tomorrow, hmm. I'm tired, yeah." Deidara pulled Sasori back down on the bed and snuggling up to him. Sasori lay back, but he didn't sleep.

.

"Kakuzu, I have a problem." It was in Japanese, and Sasori, so Kakuzu knew something was up.

"Well?"

"Do you have the time to talk?"

"Yeah."

"Have you ever had a dream where… people switch genders?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Yes. Continue."

"I had a dream where Deidara was a girl."

"It's an easy mistake."

"No, like really a girl, with tits and everything."

"So where's this problem come in?"

"What if I liked it?"

"Well, it _was _Deidara."

"Would you get hard if you felt Hidan's tits?"

"Irrelevant- Hidan's a man."

"But what if he wasn't?"

"Then I'd be seriously reconsidering my sexuality."

"Exactly!"

"But Deidara's a man."

"But this dream is bound to be a subconscious message."

"Either you took drugs, or ate something weird before bed." There was a stiff silence on the other end. Kakuzu had merely meant it as a joke. "What do you care anyway?"

"I don't know, it's just…"

"Don't read too much into it, Sasori. And if you really need to talk, talk to Deidara."

"But he'll get offended." Kakuzu snorted.

"No he wouldn't, he'd get a sex change."

"I don't know…"

"If you need to talk, just talk to him. He'll understand."

"I don't think so. But whatever. You don't think it means anything though, right?"

"If anything, it means you'd accept Deidara no matter what."

"But I don't look at other guys at all."

"My point exactly. Don't let it bother you."

"If you're sure…"

"Positive."

"I'd better get going, then. I think Deidara's waking up."

"All right. See you on Monday."

"All right." Kakuzu hung up and put the handset back.

"What was that all about?" Hidan asked. Kakuzu turned to face him.

"Sasori was having a problem, and I just chatted." Hidan rolled his eyes, draping himself sultrily across Kakuzu. Kakuzu held him and they kissed fiercely, almost desperately. They both felt a change coming.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: It's short, and doesn't serve much prupose. Naruto's penis? No! The next chapter! Ok, I'm toying with the idea of fiddling about with Temari. I like her in this story. I don't know if you all just want some more KakuHi action, but I'm having a lot of fun with these supporting characters. And yes, everything about Deidara serves a purpose to later further the plot in a more KakuHi direction. Enjoy!

* * *

Sasori groaned, laying face down on the couch. Deidara looked at him silently. "Are you feeling all right, un?" he asked finally.

"I ache." Sighing, Deidara got up from the table and straddled Sasori on the couch, rubbing his shoulders gently.

"You've been working too hard, un," he muttered, bending so his mouth was close to Sasori's ear. The redhead hummed deeply. "Am I helping, yeah?"

"Yes," Sasori lied. "I feel nauseated."

"Hmm, maybe you're sick, hmm?" Deidara suggested.

"Yeah, probably," Sasori mumbled, drifting off into a light sleep right there. Deidara quietly got off him and kissed his cheek, grabbing a blanket off the back of the couch and draping it over him. He shook his head, going into the kitchen to prepare dinner. He might as well let Sasori sleep.

* * *

"Meeting!" Konan called. Everyone filed into her office with a sense of dread. They all gathered in her dark office, all unnaturally quiet. "We've received a letter from a company." A silence fell. Konan sighed. "They've offering to be our benefactor." All present groaned.

"So who is it?" Hidan demanded.

"Some Amegakure Corporation. They make computers or something."

"And why are they sponsoring us?" Sasori asked. He wasn't fooled.

"They say it would be good for their image. Of course, we'd have to put their ads in our issues, but that's almost it." Konan bit her lip.

"How much?" Kakuzu asked. Konan searched through the letter, and found a few numbers. Once everyone heard the percentages, they all froze. Deidara was practically salivating. Kakuzu was twitching slightly. Hidan crossed his arms over his chest.

"So? Akatsuki is not for sale, even if it's enough for us to retire on," he said. Deidara stared at him.

"Are you insane, un? Did you even _hear _those figures, yeah?" he cried.

"But some of us are only here because Konan took pity. They'd fire half of us in an instant. Deidara, you only graduated high school! If we let them take over, they'll fire you, Itachi, Zetsu, and maybe even Kakuzu!" Kakuzu sighed. Hidan was right. Kakuzu was used to putting his faith in money, mostly because people were unreliable, but now he had put his faith in Akatsuki. He couldn't let it go. But the money…

"We can find other jobs, yeah. Do you know how much money that is, un?" Deidara was saying. "It's not like the organisation falling to pieces would break our friendships up, hmm."

"Deidara, do you know what you're saying?" Hidan cried. "This place is all of our _careers_! We can't just sell it once the money looks good!"

"Yes we can, un! That money and notoriety could buy us a life in any other field, un!"

"So you don't care about Akatsuki?"

"Of course I care, un! I care enough to know when it'll earn me the most money, yeah!" Hidan threw up his arms, stomping angrily out of the building. The room was silent. Deidara sighed, removing his mechanical eye and setting it down on the table. "He's liable to break it, un," he muttered, running after Hidan. Kakuzu made to go after him, but Kisame stopped him.

"All friends need to have a good fight now and then," he said. "Let them be."

Outside, Hidan was leaning against the wall, staring up at the sky. Once Deidara came out, however, he turned to glare at his blonde friend. "You're a fucking whore. Just offer you enough money and you'll do anything," he said. Deidara glared.

"You don't have any sense of money, do you, un? Do you know how much that is? You could work until you're thirty, then retire, un!"

"If you live on a dollar a day," Hidan muttered.

"That's what I _am _doing, idiot, yeah!" Deidara sighed. "Don't you get it, un? The only reason I'm ok with it is because I know we're not going to fall apart, yeah. If half of us get fired, at least we're taken care of with the money, and we won't lose contact, yeah." Deidara sighed. "Do you know what that money means to me, un?" Hidan sighed.

"No."

"It means I can finally go to college, un. With that I've saved up, that money would be enough to send me anywhere I want to go, hmm." Deidara sighed rubbing his forehead. Hidan looked him over. He seemed a lot more worn, a lot more tired. Hidan was all right with scraping by a little longer, but Deidara had never done anything but. Of course he'd take the money and run.

"Why aren't you wearing a ring?" Hidan asked quietly. Deidara shrugged.

"Danna's been meaning to get me one, yeah. He promised this weekend, un."

"It'll keep people from flirting with you," Hidan pointed out. Deidara grinned.

"That's what I told Danna."

* * *

Friday night, and Kisame and Itachi came home late. "So what's up?" Kisame asked. Itachi said nothing. "You're mad, angry, or sad about something. I'm listening." Itachi sighed.

"Did Hidan really mean I'm only at Akatsuki because Konan took pity?" Kisame chuckled.

"No. I'd say she took pity on Deidara, but what he really meant is that Konan overlooked what other employers might not. Deidara's education, Zetsu's abnormalities, things like that." Kisame gave Itachi a bear hug. "Next time he says something rude like that, give him an earful, all right?" Itachi hummed, laying his head on Kisame's chest.

* * *

"What are you hungry for?" Konan asked Temari as she walked into the kitchen.

"Mmm, anything's good. I'm having kind of severe cramps, I think I'm just going to lie down on the couch." Temari walked into the living room and lay down. Konan, wondering if they really had anything other than ramen, began searching through the cupboards. Not finding anything worth cooking, Konan went into the living room to ask Temari about her preference for takeout. Temari was rubbing her stomach, face twitching in little bouts of pain.

"Are you all right?" Konan asked.

"Yeah… it just hurts…" Temari replied, sounding unsure herself. Suddenly her eyes widened and she cried out in pain. "Ah, Konan, I think I'm bleeding…" Konan bent between her legs to see if she was. She was.

"Just relax, Temari," she told her wife, trying to keep a level head. "We're going to the hospital. Don't move, I'll be right back." Konan quickly ran to the bedroom to grab her coat and car keys. She then returned to Temari, wrapping an arm around her waist and hoisting her to her feet. "Come on, just take it easy. How much does it hurt?"

"Ah, a lot," Temari replied as they reached the car. Quickly they got in and drove to the hospital.

* * *

Konan looked up as a doctor walked up to her. "Mrs. Suna?" she asked. Konan nodded. The woman wrinkled her nose distastefully. "My assistant will fill you in on the details." Another woman walked up to Konan, smiling reassuringly as the other doctor walked off.

"Mrs. Suna is resting well," she started. Konan sighed in relief. "But I'm afraid the baby is not. It was either her or the baby, and it was too young so survive. Also… I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we were forced to make permanent modifications to Mrs. Suna's reproduction system. She won't be having any children." Konan sighed.

"But she's fine aside from that?" she asked. The assistant nodded.

"She's just sleeping from the sedatives. You live with Mrs. Suna, correct?" Konan nodded. "All right, I'll run through her medication. She'll have to take these once a day for the next few weeks…"

* * *

"I'll call in work once I know somebody's there. Itachi has a spare key, so he'll open up. Here, are you comfortable? I've put the remote within reach, and when you get hungry I'll make you something. Was breakfast enough? Do you still have an appetite?" Temari smiled as Konan rushed about.

"I'm fine, honey," she replied. Konan looked skeptically down at her. "And you're going to work."

"No I'm not. I'm staying home with you," Konan replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Nope, I've called Kankuro. You need to go to work." Konan knelt by Temari, who was lying on the couch.

"Will you really be all right?" she asked.

"Yup. You need to go spend time with your men." Konan sighed, laying her head on Temari's chest. They knew each other so well. Just then the doorbell rang, and Konan got up to answer it.

* * *

Konan walked silently and slowly, without her air of usual confidence, into her office. As she passed, every worker, including Itachi, stood up and watched her pass in silence. Kakuzu and Hidan just happened to be standing in the hallway as well. Everyone looked to Kisame, and then they all bunched around the door to Konan's office. Kisame was the one to knock on her door. "Konan-chan?" he called.

"Come in," Konan sighed. "All of you, I know you're there." Everyone shuffled into the dark office. Konan looked up from her papers, giving a shaky smile.

"So what's up?" Kisame asked. Konan sighed.

"Temari miscarried on Friday night. We… lost the baby. And she won't be having any more children." Konan hung her head.

"Konan, for what it's worth, I'm so sorry," Itachi said. Konan sighed.

"Thank you. It's all right, I guess, we can just adopt," she replied. Hidan opened his mouth to voice the obvious, but Kisame shot him a look that silenced him. "You all can go back to work, I'll be fine," Konan said. But Kisame was obviously exempt from that order. Everyone else filed out politely, excluding the blue man. Kisame leaned on the desk.

"Konan, really, I'm so sorry to hear that. Why don't you just take the day off? Maybe even the week." Konan sighed, shuffling a few papers.

"Would resting at home be a better cure than being here? I don't think so." Konan's head sank into her hands. Kisame placed a soothing hand on her back.

"God, my own selfishness now compromised Temari's life. If I hadn't wanted a kid, she wouldn't have had to go through that."

"Shh. It's not anyone's fault. Accidents happen. I know adoption isn't the same, but in the end, what does it really matter?" Konan said nothing, simply sobbing quietly. Kisame was the only one who knew how Konan felt about her womanhood. And they had known each other since forever.

"Konan, un!" Deidara called.

"What do you want, brat?" Konan called back.

"I just got a question from a reader."

"Well?"

"Is Akatsuki for sale?" Konan snarled.

"Fuck no! You better set them straight, you hear me?"

"Got it, yeah!" Konan turned to look at Kisame, giving him a watery smile, wiping the tear tracks from her face.

"Good thing I didn't wear mascara or eyeliner today, no? And apparently our readers have been misinformed. I think we'd better make it perfectly clear to whoever is out there that Akatsuki is independent." Kisame got up to leave, but Konan caught his arm. "Thank you, it helps to talk to a friend."

"Any time," Kisame replied. Konan nodded.

"I hope you're not planning another article on fishing." Kisame sighed.

"Damn," he muttered.

* * *

"Hey, Pein, we're meeting with that magazine owner today," Pein's coworker said. Pein snorted.

"That woman?"

"Yeah. Be prepared to be seduced. It's the only way those female business women do business." They all laughed at that. Suddenly, the last of their company entered the room, looking grave.

"I just bought the newest edition of Akatsuki. Here, listen to this: Reader: 'Is Akatsuki for sale? I've heard some rumors about being bought out by a larger company.' Let us make this perfectly clear: Akatsuki is not for sale. Akatsuki consists of our writing and editing staff, and without them, we're not Akatsuki. If a larger corporation happens to fund us, then that's one thing. But Akatsuki definitely will never be sold." The man looked up. "So we won't be buying them." Pein sighed.

"Everything is for sale for the right amount. Even this woman's virginity." Everyone laughed at that. "This won't be difficult. Akatsuki was an idea in a basement with a lot of booze. We can make it better, and send its profits through the roof. Look at their staff, it's a mess! Their editor is blind, and one of them didn't go to college. Once we buy it, we can clean it up a little bit. But remember, we will buy Akatsuki." Pein smirked. "They don't stand a chance."

* * *

Temari quickly looped the pieces of the tie, tugging it snuggly around Konan's neck and adjusting it. "I'm worried," Konan said.

"Hmm? What about?" Temari asked, kissing Konan's cheek.

"I don't know. But for once, Akatsuki is worth something. I'm scared money might tear us apart. Kakuzu knows how much this would mean, and Deidara's just been too poor his whole life to give up money of any sort. I don't want them to sacrifice the best thing that's ever happened to them for money."

"They'll figure it out," Temari said. Konan drew her wife close.

"I know they will. How are you feeling?"

"Great, actually. How about yourself?"

"Good."

"I've been thinking…"

"Hmm?"

"Can we have a little girl?" Konan smiled, kissing Temari on the lips.

"Of course. I was thinking the same thing."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I spoil you all rotten. Review please, it makes me happy!

* * *

"I'll bet she's late," Pein said, leaning back in his chair. A few of them snickered. "What's her name?"

"Konan Suna."

"Married?"

"Um…" One of the men peeked through the papers. "It doesn't say." Just as the clock struck nine, the doors opened and Konan stood there, all business. She nodded slightly as she walked over to the table and sat down, crossing her legs professionally and setting a folder of papers down on the table.

"Good morning, gentlemen," she said curtly. Pein gulped, staring at her. She had a beauty to her that was indescribable. He had never seen that before in a woman.

"God morning, Miss Suna-" Pein began.

"Mrs.," Konan corrected, directing her gaze at the ginger haired man. "I'm going to get right to my point. I believe there has been a misunderstanding. Akatsuki is not for sale."

"Mrs. Suna, we understand you are reluctant to sell-"

"That is not the situation. Selling would not benefit anyone in any way, shape or form. If you bought my business you would run it into the ground. The only reason we happen to have made it this far is because of the way it has been run. If I sell, it wouldn't be Akatsuki." Konan held her head high. It was something she was good at. Pein looked slightly flabbergasted.

"Mrs. Suna, we are offering you-"

"I'm aware of how much you are willing to pay. I am aware it is far greater than what we were originally offered. But Akatsuki is not for sale. We are, however, willing to accept a partnership with Amegakure. If we are willing to see each other as equals, we might be able to make a suitable arrangement." Pein opened and closed his mouth several times, before finally finding his voice.

"Akatsuki is no match for Amegakure. A partnership-" Konan began reorganizing her papers.

"Like I said, the only agreement we are interested in is an equal one. Anything else will be fruitless."

"Please be reasonable, Mrs. Suna-" Pein paused, sighing as Konan gave him a withering look. "You're getting above yourself, woman," he growled. Konan stood, quickly collecting her papers. She nodded politely at Pein.

"I see my business is concluded here. Good day." With that she turned and marched out of the room. Pein sat, stunned.

"She's crazy. She just turned us down!" Pein quickly pressed a single button on the phone.

"Sir, we have a crisis! She just walked out on us!"

"I'm on it, Pein. I'll deal with your failure later."

Konan walked briskly to the elevator. A door at the end of the hall opened and a tall, mysterious figure emerged. He had unruly black hair and red eyes, much like Itachi's. he gave Konan a genuine smile as he joined her in waiting for the elevator. Konan gave him a curt nod. She was not in the mood for dealing with men. "Let me introduce myself," the man said politely. "My name is Madara Uchiha. I own Amegakure."

"Good for you," Konan said.

"I understand you have turned down our offer. Might I inquire as to why?"

"Akatsuki is not for sale. We are, however, accepting a partnership as equals. Pein did not accept this offer, so I was forced to turn down his offer." Madara chuckled.

"I shall never trust Pein to negotiate with someone of a higher intelligence than him. But unfortunately, he would never do any negotiating again. I apologise sincerely for his attitude. I, as the owner of Amegakure, accept your idea of a partnership." Konan looked him up and down. He was flirtatious, but in a manner that was natural, as if he were simply a charismatic person. And he seemed to genuinely accept her offer.

"Do you have the necessary paperwork?" Konan asked crisply. Madara smiled.

"Of course."

* * *

"Well?" Hidan asked anxiously as Konan walked into the office.

"They've accepted our idea of a partnership. I spoke with Madara directly. Sasori!" Sasori poked his head out of his cubicle. "I understand you want to go to New York for an art show."

"Yes…"

"When?"

"Friday."

"Will you be back by Monday?"

"Sure."

"That's when Madara has requested to meet our writers."

"I'll be back." Deidara was there then, per normal when Sasori was being discussed.

"Konan!" he whined. "Why do you always tell him he can run away, un?"

"Because his articles are amazing. Now get back to work." Deidara sulked back to his cubicle. Konan shook her head. "Do you have anything to show me?" she asked Hidan.

"Um, what do you think of purple?"

"I think it's gay."

"Good then. I'll um…"

"You've got nothing, have you?"

"Nope."

"Then get back to work!" Hidan quickly left off to his work.

"She didn't sell, did she?" Kakuzu asked.

"Nah, she just got the money," Hidan replied. "She's pretty good at that."

"I knew she would talk them out of their money."

* * *

"Good morning, Madara. Glad to see you," Konan said. Madara nodded.

"Glad to be here."

"My employees are at work. It's more efficient this way," Konan said, leading Madara to the first cubicle. "This is Hoshigaki Kisame." Kisame looked up from his computer and nodded politely.

"Hey," he said.

"Kisame, this is Madara." Madara nodded.

"I've read your articles." Kisame quirked an eyebrow, smiling.

"Hope you liked them."

"Ahem. Now then, next would be Deidara." Konan lead Madara to Deidara's cubicle. "Deidara, this is Madara," Konan said. The blond turned around, smiling lightly. Once he saw Madara his face fell.

"You…" he breathed. "You bastard, un!" Madara looked down sheepishly. Konan sighed.

"I don't want to know. You two just work it out." With that she left Madara alone with Deidara.

"Hmph!" Deidara turned back to his computer angrily.

"Look, Deidara, for what it's worth, I'm sorry," Madara said softly.

"So how long have you owned some damn company, yeah?"

"About… four years."

"Figures, un."

"But Deidara, I owe you an apology. I was unfair and cruel."

"Do you know how much money I wasted calling you, un?" Deidara demanded, turning around to glare at Madara. The older man winced.

"Um…"

"Exactly, you bastard, yeah!" Deidara turned back to his computer. Madara stepped closer, laying a hand softly on the blonde's shoulder.

"And I need to thank you."

"Hmm?"

"During your trial, when they asked you if you if you were a virgin, you wouldn't tell them about me. You saved my entire career." Madara leaned a little closer, his mouth close to Deidara's ear. "If there's any way I can repay you-"

"Shove off, you twat," Deidara growled, pushing Madara off. He held his left hand up, right against the older man's nose. "I'm married, see? So you can just grow some balls and leave me the hell alone, un!" Madara took a step back, shocked.

"What?"

"Yeah, you sodding-"

"Let's not get foul, Deidara." Deidara glared venomously at Madara.

"Go die, un." He got up then, slapping Madara soundly across the face. Outside, Konan was praying to anything that would listen that Deidara wouldn't ruin their chances of this partnership. When she heard the slap, she gave up all hope.

Madara put a hand to his cheek, staring at Deidara's flushed face. Silently, a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I'm so, so sorry," he said softly. "There is no way I can mend things between us. All I can hope for is that you don't hate me too long. It's unhealthy." Deidara threw his arms up in frustration, sitting back down at his computer. Madara sighed and retreated from the cubicle. The only reason it hurt was that they had been that close. "I believe I can continue my tour on my own, thank you," Madara said. Konan sighed.

"Please excuse Deidara, he's on meds-"

"That's a lie. And it's fine, I richly deserved that, and more." Madara continued on to Itachi's cubicle. "You are well, cousin?" he asked. Itachi gave a barely perceptible nod. "That's good. After the family disowned you-"

"Please do not speak of that," Itachi whispered. "No one here knows of that."

"I see. They believe you renounced the fortune out of your own free will?"

"Yes. And I would like to keep it that way."

"Why?"

"I would rather they believe I am that strong." Itachi sighed.

"I won't tell them about it, but I think you might. Just my advice."

"I'll consider it." With this Madara left, finding himself then in the cubicle of a redheaded man.

"You must be Sasori Akasuna," Madara said charmingly. He wasn't an idiot. He knew Deidara was now using the same last name. Sasori turned around and stood, looking Madara in the eye.

"Yes," he said. "You must be Madara, not so used to cubicles."

"How do you draw that conclusion?"

"These walls are very thin." Madara gulped. Sasori sighed. "Whatever happened between you and Deidara is between you two. But just don't confuse him. He's still just a teenager." Sasori looked Madara dead in the eye. "I won't pick a fight, Deidara can handle himself, but just remember, if it comes to it, I'll finish your unfinished business." Sasori sat back down and turned back to his computer. Madara sighed in relief. He had expected much worse from whoever had decided to pick up the pieces of Deidara's broken little mind. In a bit of a better mood, Madara found himself at the last cubicle. He smirked, sauntering in.

"Hello, Zetsu," he said. Zetsu didn't even look at him. "Zetsu?"

"These cubicles have very thin walls," Zetsu murmured. Madara groaned.

"Zetsu, please, you misunderstand. There's nothing between us."

"Yet you couldn't keep your hands off of him," Zetsu sighed. "I never took you for the cheating type." Madara draped himself over Zetsu.

"Oh, Zetsu," Madara whispered, wrapping his arms around Zetsu's torso and feeling like crying again. "I love you."

"You do know how unfaithful you sound, right? You say that now, but can you say it in front of anyone else?" Madara stayed silent. Zetsu sighed, leaning back into Madara's hold.

"I have an image, Zetsu," Madara said softly. Zetsu said nothing. "Zetsu, please, you're everything to me. How many times do I have to tell you for you to believe me?" Madara kissed along Zetsu's pale neck. Deidara, in the next cubicle over, threw up his arms and left in disgust. Sasori, too, left, and a few seconds later they had both snuck off to the bathrooms. Zetsu deserved some privacy, after all.

"So your image is more important than anything else."

"Zetsu, it's not like that-"

"It doesn't matter. If that's the way it is, then that's the way it is." Zetsu pushed Madara off of him, concentrating on his computer screen. Madara sighed.

"This Friday, then?"

"I suppose." Madara sighed and left the cubicle. He found himself staring at Konan.

"So now you've met the writing staff."

"Yes. Which one is Sarah?"

"I can't tell you that, it's confidential," Konan replied.

"Can I trust you to carry a message to her, and then her answer without reading either?"

"Of course."

"Good."

"Oh look, here are Hidan and Kakuzu!" Konan motioned for the photographers to come over to her. "Hidan, Kakuzu, this is Madara."

"So you're the one who tried to buy Akatsuki?" Hidan demanded. Kakuzu clapped a hand instantly over his lover's mouth. But he couldn't muster up the strength to look at Madara politely. 'Can there be anybody in this fucking building who doesn't think I'm an asshole?' Madara screamed in his mind.

"You'll have to excuse Hidan. He doesn't think about things before he says them," Konan said. "Hidan, this is the man who will be almost doubling your paycheck." Kakuzu still didn't trust Hidan to take his hand away.

"Kakuzu, I believe you can remove your hand," Madara said slowly. "I've already been slapped and rejected. I doubt anything that he says will change my mind about our partnership."

"Shit, what did Deidara do now?" Hidan groaned once Kakuzu removed his hand.

"I'd rather not go into that now. I hope you two continue to take beautiful pictures." Madara nodded politely, turned on his heel, and left. Konan sighed.

"Well. I hope Deidara got it all out of his system. Deidara!" Slowly, the door to the men's room opened. Deidara had a hand over his mouth.

"Mm?"

"Madara said- go spit it out if you need to." Deidara ran back into the bathroom, then returned moments later. "And Sasori might as well show is face, we all know he's there." Sheepishly, Sasori and Deidara stood before their boss. "Right. Deidara, what's up with you and that Madara guy?"

"Oh, long story, actually…" Deidara rubbed the back of his head, glancing at Sasori.

"You still have some, right here," Hidan said, rubbing his own mouth. Deidara squeaked and rubbed maniacally at his face. Hidan cackled.

"Sasori, I doubt this involves you. Get back to work." Sasori nodded, leaving a very red Deidara alone. "Deidara, do you know him?"

"Umm… intimately… un…"

"Right. How angry are you at him?"

"Umm… how angry should I be at a virginity stealer, yeah?"

"Fuck. How long ago?" Deidara twisted his hands awkwardly.

"Must we discuss this in front of Hidan and Kakuzu, un?"

"Kakuzu, Hidan, you are dismissed." Hidan and Kakuzu left wordlessly. "Right. Do you need to tell me any more?"

"Not really, un."

"Will you feel comfortable working with him?" Deidara laughed.

"Of course, un."

"Right. He'll be writing Sarah a letter that will require a personal response. Do you feel comfortable with that?"

"Sarah does, un."

"Good." Konan looked down at Deidara. "You can return to your work."

"You say it like I want to do it, un," Deidara complained, leaving back to his cubicle. Konan sighed, walking to Kisame's cubicle. That's where she found Kisame and Itachi making out. Her eyes widened minimally. Kisame broke for air, mouthed 'later' to her, and went back to kissing Itachi. Deciding she needed a coffee, Konan went to find Tobi. Instead, she found Kakuzu and Hidan snogging elsewhere down the hall. She sighed. And Temari always wondered why she came home horny.

"Tobi! Get me some coffee!" Konan called. All she got in response was an 'Umpf!' from the closet. A feeling of dread washed over Konan as she opened the door. "Deidara, you so did not!"


	16. Chapter 16

Zetsu lay on his side, the feel of his lover pressed against his back both relaxing him and putting him on edge. Sighing, he drew away. "I'm going to take a shower," he mumbled, walking into the bathroom. Madara watched him leave sadly. Then he rolled onto his back, and reread Sarah's letter:

__

Dear Mysterious-Gay-Man,

Well, I can't help it. You're an ass. You met an old 'friend' and couldn't keep your hands off him, and you lover happened to overhear and get angry with you? I really only see one to blame. But if it meant nothing, if it was some abnormal situation, your lover deserves to hear about it. Maybe you had your hands on this friend, but maybe it wasn't in any particularly arousing way. Your lover deserves to know. If you'd give him the stars and moon, he deserves to know. A simple 'I love you' is often a nice gesture to some, but it makes you sound like a cheater. Tell him everything you love about him, down to his toenails. He obviously has very little faith in you. So why don't you redeem yourself and have a little chit-chat with him, eh? Explain that this 'friend' is absolutely nothing, and that your whole view of life is lit up by his mere presence. If he still doesn't believe you, you probably did cheat and should cut it off. Nobody likes a cheater.

-Sarah.

Madara sighed. Sarah probably knew a lot more than she was letting on. But she was right. Carefully, Madara got out of bed, slipped into his pants, and knocked politely on the bathroom door before walking in. Zetsu made no acknowledgement of his presence. "Zetsu, I know you're still mad at me. And I don't blame you. I guess it's kind of a fear of yours I'd lose interest in you and just get with some slut. But we've already had our fling. Back when I was twenty-nine, I was in a band. I had the whole rock-star thing going, when I met this fifteen year old kid. Ok, yeah, I was hooked. But I was also drunk, and he was drunk, and I can't remember any other shit I had done. Afterwards, I was too ashamed to return his calls. He was just some homeless kid who liked my music. After a few weeks, I was called by my uncle, Fugaku, that I was now in charge of the family business." Madara sighed. "I hurt him so bad. I listened to his messages. He had found a quarter on the ground and used it to call me. I promised him I'd see him, or find him, that I wouldn't leave. It was a lie, I just ditched him. I had to say something when we finally met again. I couldn't just leave things the way they were." Madara sighed.

"What's brought this on?" Zetsu asked quietly.

"I just thought it was a pity to let you stay angry over a misunderstanding." Madara got up and stretched. "I'll go get us something to eat, all right?" Zetsu grunted. Madara left and went to go make something.

Zetsu got out of hi shower, drying off his hair and walking into the bedroom. He found a piece of paper on the bed. Feeling no conscience at the movement, he picked it up and read it. Smiling, he set it back down. Hopefully Madara knew nothing of Sarah's true identity. Madara stepped back into the room.

"I can explain-" he started, but Zetsu just shook his head. It was sweet Madara finally cared enough to consider asking for help.

* * *

Deidara knocked on the bedroom door. "Sasori?" he asked quietly, noting the towel shoved under the door.

"Mm?"

"Dinner, un."

"Eat without me."

"All right." Deidara trudged back to the table, eating alone. He got a bit of work done, though, so it wasn't a total waste.

* * *

Deidara and Sasori walked in the next morning, and the office fell silent. Hidan and Kakuzu had been arguing in the hall, and Tobi decided he was going to side against Hidan, so there was a good deal of noise. But everyone stopped and stared at them. Deidara casually walked to his cubicle and left Sasori on his own. Hidan was giving the redhead strange looks, while Kakuzu was just asking what had happened, merely with his eyes. Sasori said nothing, simply making his own way past the group to his own office. Kakuzu and Hidan exchanged a glance. "Tobi, get lost before I lock you in the closet again," Hidan said. Tobi was gone. With a nod, Hidan left to Deidara's cubicle and Kakuzu to Sasori's. "So what's with your eye?" Hidan asked casually. Deidara looked up, smiling.

"I walked into a wall when I had my eye off, un. Why?"

"Is there anything I should know about?" Deidara laughed.

"Of course not. I can stand up for myself, love, un."

"Sometimes it's hard to stand up against certain people."

"Hmm?" Deidara swiveled in his chair. "Come on, Hidan, you're just getting paranoid, un."

"So you walked into a wall?"

"Your depth perception is really off when you can't use one eye, un."

"Oh. Ok, whatever you say."

"So where'd Deidara get that nasty bruise?" Kakuzu asked. Sasori gulped.

"Something about taking his eye off wrong."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Kakuzu sighed.

"Is there anything you want to talk to me about?"

"No, nothing. Shouldn't you be getting to work?"

"Yeah. I should be." Kakuzu turned around and left Sasori. He and Hidan regrouped out of earshot of the married couple.

"Deidara says he walked into a wall without his eye," Hidan stated. "It seems reasonable."

"Sasori says he hurt his eye putting it back in," Kakuzu said.

"It seems someone's lying," Hidan said. "Which one? You don't think Sasori would…"

"No. Definitely not," Kakuzu stated, then sighed. "But if there is something going on… God… it would be him, wouldn't it?"

"Let's not jump to conclusions," Hidan said. He felt it too. Deidara and Sasori weren't exactly stable, but at least their relationship was. If those two weren't in love, it seemed that no one was. "I'll just ask Deidara later."

* * *

"Deidara?" Hidan asked on his lunch break.

"Mmm?"

"So you walked into a wall?"

"Mm-hmm. Why, un?"

"Sasori says you hurt your eye putting your scope back in. Deidara, if anything's going on-" Deidara laughed.

"He said that because that's what I told him, un," Deidara said cheerfully. "Danna worries about my eye, and he doesn't like it when I don't wear it, un. He'd just worry more if I told him I hurt myself while not wearing it, hmm."

"Oh. I guess I was being too suspicious, then?"

"What, you didn't actually think Sasori had anything to do with this black eye, did you, un?" Deidara asked, eyes going wide. "Danna would never do that! He loves me, yeah." Hidan laughed as well.

"Yeah, pretty stupid," he said.

* * *

Sasori snuck into the bathroom, where he found Deidara leaning against the wall. "Hey," Deidara greeted, as if they were merely meeting on the street. "Unbutton your shirt, yeah," he said. Sasori slowly undid his shirt, exposing his bruised ribs. Deidara sighed. "Yeah, I thought it'd bruise, un." Sasori gulped. Deidara stepped up to him, tracing the purple bruises. "At least I learned something from my uncle, yeah. When you bother hitting somebody, do it where others won't see, hmm." Deidara placed his head on his Danna's shoulder. "The only reason I didn't tell anyone he hit me is because I hit back harder. Guess you had to learn that firsthand, huh?" Deidara held Sasori closer, and Sasori held him.

* * *

Kakuzu came into the apartment, looking a bit nauseated. "What's wrong?" Hidan asked, helping his lover to the couch. Kakuzu sighed.

"My doctor says… no sex or any other strenuous activity. It might be… damaging…" Hidan bit his lip, holding his Kakuzu. Like his dream, he feared taking his eyes from the man, lest he be taken away. Their doom was nearing.

* * *

"Hey, Zet-man, un?" Deidara asked. It was very hard to get Zetsu to pay attention to you, Deidara had found. He could, quite easily, merely tone you out. He didn't do it to be rude, more of a reflex. No one asked.

"Hmm?"

"He's yours, isn't he?" Zetsu sighed, turning his back to the blond. "Zetsu, I'm not making fun of you!" Zetsu grunted. "And you have every right to be pissed at him. I know he's so easy to just lose your head at, hmm." Zetsu said nothing. "Don't be mad I slept with him, un. Hell, I've slept with both of you, yeah!"

"Whore."

"If it gets you to sleep at night, hmm," Deidara brushed off the comment. "But there's nothing, un. If you're mad at him, get mad at him for something he actually did, hmm. I'm sure he's done plenty, yeah." Zetsu glared at Deidara. Deidara sighed. "I'm sorry, all right, un?" Zetsu sighed.

"I don't need your help."

"Good, I'm not offering it, hmm." Their eyes connected. "I'm just sorry I had to be involved in making you pissed, hmm."

"Well thank you," Zetsu said curtly. Deidara knew this was likely the best he was going to get from Zetsu and left the duel colored man.

* * *

"Oh my God! She is _so _cute!" Strangely enough, this little squeal did not come from Deidara. It was Kisame. Temari had a day off, and was able to bring her and Konan's new little girl, Tenten. Now the entire Akatsuki was crowded around her. She was almost a year old, and looked like a sturdy little cookie. She was balanced right now on Konan's hip, Kisame bent in front of her. Deidara was hovering at a polite distance, not very interested in the baby.

"I thought you liked kids," Hidan said. Deidara laughed.

"Are you kidding?" he laughed. "I hate kids, un."

"I never thought Kisame was the kind for kids. Did you know about this, Itachi?"

"No," Itachi said. Zetsu, likewise, seemed fond of the child. Strangely enough, Tenten liked both of them, willingly being held by anyone. It seemed all the people you wouldn't expect liked kids.

"Don't you like kids?" Kakuzu asked Hidan. Hidan shivered.

"Please, don't get me stated. I'll never change another diaper in my life, thanks to my brother and sister."

"Yeah, it must be an older sibling thing, un," Deidara said. It seemed true enough, Deidara, Hidan, and Itachi all had younger siblings. "Why don't you and Kisame get a kid, un?" Deidara suggested. Itachi shrugged.

"He never mentioned it before," he replied. As they talked, Deidara absentmindedly fiddled with his ring.

"When's Sasori getting back?" Hidan asked.

"Hmm? Tonight, yeah," Deidara replied. "He's such an ass, running off to that art fair, un." Deidara grinned, and Hidan knew everything was all right in the world. He should really stop depending on Deidara and Sasori for his own stability.

* * *

Deidara finished his work before lunch, and he and Hidan decided to go out for lunch. It had been a while since they had a nice little chat.

"So how are things going with Kakuzu, hmm?" Deidara asked.

"Fine," Hidan replied. "I guess we're both hoping for a little more time." Deidara nodded, sipping his tea. Hidan had explained everything about Kakuzu's heart condition. And he had just brought his friend up to date on the doctor's new orders.

"I guess none of us want to think about it, un," Deidara said.

"I'll deal with it when the time comes," Hidan said, trying not to cry.

"Hmm. We're so attached, it's scary, un," Deidara said, eyeing the sky.

"What do you mean?" Hidan asked suspiciously.

"Doesn't it just seem, well, like we're too attached, un? We could see their faults and not care, un. Sometimes when you love someone, you see their faults and accept them as faults, un. Does it seem like that, hmm?"

"You're scaring me, Deidara."

"But think about it, could you leave Kakuzu, yeah?" Hidan glared.

"No. I can't."

"My point, un. I dunno, I guess we should be thankful we're in love like that, hmm. We'd better be getting back to work, yeah."

* * *

"Hey, Deidara!" Hidan called down the hall after the blond. Deidara turned around.

"Hmm?"

"We're going dancing tonight. Want to come?" Deidara shook his head.

"Nah, Danna's going to be getting home, un. I want to make him dinner, yeah."

"Whatever, your call," Hidan said, turning back to Kakuzu. "Come on, let's go have some fun!"

* * *

They lived it up that night. Of course, Kakuzu was a stick in the mud, and Itachi was extremely embarrassed, but Kisame, Konan, and Tobi all had a blast. It was the kind of night you didn't care who stared at you. It was the kind of night you just wanted to have fun, and if the next day in bed was what that took, then it sure as hell was not going to stop them. And on the bright side it kept Tobi out of Zetsu's hair for a night without having the schizophrenic face Madara.

They danced and drank. Kisame and Konan had a million and one stories about drinking. The two had apparently met in a bar, Kisame challenging Konan to a drinking competition and Konan drinking him under the table without any hesitation. They laughed, and everyone had fun.

* * *

Kakuzu and Hidan got home that night when Hidan's cell phone rang. Hidan took out his phone and checked caller ID. "Huh?"

"What is it?" Kakuzu asked.

"It's Blondie. Wonder what he wants?"

"You'd better answer, then," Kakuzu said. They both sensed it. Those two should be fucking each other into the wee hours of the morning. Quickly, Hidan flipped his phone open.

"Hello?"

"Hidan… help. I want to die, un."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Good news! My original story has met its deadline, so I've had a few extra minutes to dish out some angst. And there's more to come, don't worry. Does it ever get better, Nikki? you might ask. No. Everyone just explodes. Of course it gets better. I'm saving ALL the angst and pain and suffering for 'I'm sure it was art'. If you have not read that, please do. If you have, you'll know what I'm talking about. I'm working on that chapter as well, and also working on 'Tangoing with three'. But, Nikki, you might say, that's not your story. Believe me, I've put more of my soul into that than the author. And she's busy, and wants me to get it written. And now she's talking about setting me up on a blind date because I'm apparently a stiff. Oh well, I'm not so busy anymore, so I'll have a little time. XD ENjoy!

* * *

The apartment was dark and dreary by the time Hidan and Kakuzu arrived. Not a light was on, not a sign of life. Hidan licked his lips, Kakuzu felt his palms go sweaty. "Wait out here," Hidan said hoarsely. He had a feeling it was only Deidara here. Kakuzu waited awkwardly, on edge, in the living room as Hidan ventured down the hall. He heard nothing. Scared, he came to the bedroom and opened the door slowly. A huddled dark figure sat in the corner, the only brightness about him being his bright shock of blond hair. "Deidara?" Hidan asked, not believing it. Deidara looked up, face stained with tears. Hidan felt sick. Deidara didn't cry. Not when his marriage was renounced by the state, not when Sasori was gone for days on end, not even when an old lover showed up and couldn't keep his hands off. Not ever was Deidara supposed to cry. Hidan rushed over as Deidara began sobbing again. He held the blond against his chest, rubbing his back.

Deidara, haltingly, chokingly, tried to say something, but all that came out were wet sobs. After a moment or two he pushed Hidan from him, running to the bathroom to be sick. Hidan cringed, not hearing anything come up. Deidara had already been sick tonight. The blond returned, face contorted in agony, and just fell on Hidan, sobbing uncontrollably. Hidan held Deidara, but he doubted the other felt it. As he held him, Hidan noticed a bottle of pills nearby. Hidan squeezed Deidara harder. The blond had tried to kill himself.

* * *

Eventually Hidan managed to get Deidara out to the living room, supporting much of the blond on his shoulder. Kakuzu's eyes widened and he took Deidara's other arm. "What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know," Hidan said, panicking. "Let's jus take him back to our place, all right?" Kakuzu said nothing, simply helping carry Deidara out of the apartment and to their car. Hidan held him in the back seat while Kakuzu drove, the only noise being Deidara's pained sobs. Those noises made both of their hearts throb achingly.

* * *

"Come on, Deidara," Hidan said, trying to be gentle as he dragged the blond into the bathroom. Kakuzu had gone back to the blonde's apartment to try and figure out what had happened. Deidara had just collapsed, merely being dragged by his friend. "Deidara, can you undress yourself?" Deidara simply shivered, face hidden behind his hair. Hidan sighed, helping strip Deidara and into the shower. Sort of ashamed to be witnessing Deidara's sorrow, let the blond have his privacy in the shower. He sat on the toilet, listening to the running water. A few minutes later Deidara stuck his head out of the shower, reaching into the medicine box. He had his hand around the pain killers before Hidan stopped him, taking the bottle from his hand and kissing him on the forehead. Deidara pushed him away and retreated back into the calming stream of hot water. Hidan replaced the pill bottle, trying to keep his head. Deidara had completely lost it. At least Hidan should keep his head.

* * *

Once Deidara was dried, Hidan helped him to the bed he shared with Kakuzu. Deidara just collapsed, crying silently into the pillow. God, that bed must be all too familiar. Hidan sighed, sitting down next to the blond. "Just sleep, Deidara," Hidan said, his heart pounding. Deidara groaned.

"God… he's gone…un…" Deidara moaned. Hidan felt his heart skip a beat. He bent and kissed Deidara's head.

"Just sleep. Tomorrow will be better," he said.

Once Deidara had cried himself to sleep, Hidan went out to the living room to find Kakuzu sitting on the couch, head in his hands. Hidan sat down next to him, throat constricting. "What?" he simply asked.

"Sasori. He's- he's dead." Hidan's eyes widened.

"What?"

"This evening he… was in a car accident. I talked to his grandmother. She's taking care of everything." Hidan felt almost paralyzed. Deidara was what he would be, in time. Kakuzu and Hidan were hugging then, just needing something to hold onto in this crazy, spinning world.

* * *

Hidan took first shift to watch over Deidara. If the blond should wake and decide to kill himself again, they had decided it was the best if one of them kept watch while the other slept, and then switch off.

Hidan got up, stretched, and walked out to the living room, rousing Kakuzu, who had camped out on the couch. Kakuzu grunted, rubbing his eyes. "How's he doing?" he whispered.

"Asleep and not trying to kill himself. I guess that's about as good as we're going to get." Kakuzu stood and stretched. He then drew Hidan into a hug, burying his face in Hidan's hair. Hidan held him. It was harder for him to keep a level head. He had known Sasori for years longer than anyone else, it would be much more like having his heart ripped out.

* * *

Hidan got very little sleep that night. He got a few winks, but he had too many visions of Kakusu's dead body. He woke early the next morning and went to make coffee. It was made extremely dark that morning, because they all needed it. Sitting by the window in the living room, Hidan watched the sun rise. An hour after the sun rose Kakuzu awoke and rose, coming out to the kitchen and getting a cup of coffee. "How is he?" Hidan asked, voice hoarse. Kakuzu sighed.

"Still crying in his sleep." Hidan gulped.

"Oh." They looked at each other. Neither had slept well, both had dark rings under their eyes. They both had lost a close friend. Setting down their coffee, they drew each other into an embrace.

* * *

"I have a key to their apartment. I'm going to go over and check their message machine. Last night… Sasori's grandmother called Deidara saying she would take care of everything, but she just wanted him out of the way. And he can't handle anything." Kakuzu sipped his coffee, merely out of his lack of things to say.

"Deidara didn't say anything more about what happened?" Hidan asked. Kakuzu shook his head.

"Delirious with shock, I suppose," he replied. "I should be making sure everything's all right, though." Hidan gulped thickly.

"Yeah." A soft cough attracted their attention. Deidara was leaning against the wall of the hall, eyes puffy, red, and bloodshot. He seemed fragile at that moment, like at any moment he would crack again and try to kill himself. Hidan set his coffee down and held the blond, helping him to the table. "Here, I'll get you some coffee," he said, but Kakuzu already had it poured. Deidara accepted it with a quiet 'Thanks', and downed a single scalding gulp. Hidan licked his lips, sitting on the table next to where Deidara sat in a chair. The blond took a shuddering breath, closing his eyes.

"They wouldn't let me see him, un," he said quietly, pathetically. "I got there because we live together, so they had to call his house, hmm. But they said family only, yeah. I- I had to argue with them while he was… he was dying, hmm. I had to argue over my marriage, yeah." Deidara hung his head, hair falling around his head like a veil. A few tears leaked down his cheeks. "I had to stand there while he slipped away, arguing, yeah." The situation was physically sickening. In a moment of love, life, and death, Deidara was still trapped in the world of politics. Disgusting. "Once… once h-he was… they let me see him, un. I d-didn't get to tell him I l-love him, yeah." Hidan put a hand on Deidara's back as the blond sobbed, feeling a few tears slip past his dams. Glancing up, he saw Kakuzu had his head in his hands, breathing deep. Why? Why did they all have to be sitting here crying? Why did everything have to hurt so much?

* * *

Kakuzu opened the door to the apartment, hating how it reminded him of the previous night, and yet, of the previous months- really, had it only been months? It seemed like this place had a million and one memories. It was terrible how normal it looked. Not a thing had been touched. Not a picture had been overturned, not a single thing touched. Like a spirit, Kakuzu wandered into the bedroom, hating seeing the bed made. Deidara wouldn't do that. Everything was too clean. Part of him wished something was out of place, so that there was some physical evidence of Deidara's pain.

Suddenly the phone rang. Jumping, Kakuzu answered it. "Hello?"

"Mr. Akasuna?"

"No, he's not here right now," Kakuzu said, not really knowing which Mr. Akasuna the man was talking about.

"I see. When might he be reached?"

"Which one are you talking about?"

"Deidara Akasuna."

"I don't think he'll be back for a while. I can take a message to him or give you his number."

"I see. I was hired by Mrs. Akasuna to take care of Sasori Akasuna's affairs. Is this Mr. Akasuna's residence?"

"Yes." Thank God, a lawyer. Kakuzu liked lawyers. They really didn't care who their clients were, they simply did their job.

"I see. And you are…?"

"A family friend."

"I see. And Mr. Akasuna will not be reached at this number?"

"I doubt it. He's staying at my apartment. Here, I'll give you that number." Kakuzu recited the number off.

"Thank you. I will reach him there." And the lawyer hung up. Kakuzu replaced the phone. He was to thankful Deidara was taken care of. Sighing, Kakuzu went back to his rounds about the apartment. Why was he even here? Why was he putting himself through this? It was terrible to say, but he had never expected to outlive his friend. Never.

He found himself again in the bedroom. Sighing, he decided he'd better just take a look around. He couldn't explain it, but there was something off about the whole situation. Opening the closet, he found nothing out of the sort. What was he looking for, anyway? This was Sasori's closet, Deidara using the dresser, and everything about it screamed Sasori. The shoes were lined up nicely, the coats hung neatly, not a single thing was out of place. Sasori hated having anything but clothes in his closet, anything that did not fit- like that shoebox- would be thrown out.

Kakuzu shook his head, wondering if he had just gone through such a blatantly obvious thought process. Bending, he picked up the shoebox. Maybe Deidara had left it there. No, it was the wrong size. Taking a deep breath, Kakuzu opened the box. He was met with stacks of papers, with a sticky note on top reading '**CLOSE THE BOX'. A small, sad smile tugged at Kakuzu's lips. He took the note off, and found another one: '****CLOSE THE FUCKING BOX'. Kakuzu sighed. Should he? He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But he did. He took the stick off and stared at the first paper. A single word stood out to him: 'will'. **

* * *

"Hello?" Hidan answered the phone, hoping it was Kakuzu.

"Hello. My name is Mizuki. Is Mr. Akasuna available?" Hidan's heart clenched.

"Which one are you calling for?"

"Deidara."

"Um… yes. Why are you calling for him?"

"I'm a lawyer, and I was hired by Mrs. Akasuna, Mr. Akasuna's grandmother to take care of Mr. Akasuna's affairs."

"Oh. Um… it might not be… Why do you need to speak with him?"

"I need to set an appointment of going over Mr. Akasuna's affairs."

"I see. I'll get him." Hidan put the phone on the table, gulping before placing a hand on Deidara's shoulder.

"Deidara?" The blond looked up. "There's a lawyer who needs to talk to you." Deidara gulped and nodded, accepting the phone Hidan handed him.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Sasori has left no will, as you should know. We will need to meet, you and his grandmother being his only living relatives." Deidara bit his lip. "When would you be available?" Deidara gulped.

"I… I don't know, un. I have work, yeah…" Deidara gulped, trying not to break down. "Tomorrow, un?"

"If that suites you. His grandmother will also be present. I can see you at about four. Will that be suitable?"

"Mm-hmm, un."

"Good. I will e-mail you the address of my office. And then there's the matter… of the funeral." Tears once again slipped from Deidara's wet eyes. "Mrs. Akasuna has offered to arrange everything."

"I… I see, hmm." After exchanging numbers, the two hung up.

* * *

"Ah, Mr. Akasuna. Have a seat." Deidara simply sat at the desk, next to the old woman. Kakuzu and Hidan hovered by the door. The lawyer raised an eyebrow. "You two are welcome to have a seat as well," he said. The two each sat. "Well then. Sasori left no will, so everything would automatically go to his closest living relative." The lawyer glanced at Chiyo. "That would be… Chiyo." Deidara had been sitting with his head in his hands, and he didn't even bother to look up. But his wedding ring was clearly visible.

"Oi," Hidan spoke up. "What about Blondie?"

"Deidara and Sasori… their marriage isn't recognized by the state." Deidara drew his legs up to his chest, pressing his face to his knees.

"So?" Hidan asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Legally… I'm sorry, it's not right, but-"

"We'll sell his possessions," Chiyo said suddenly. "And we'll split the money evenly between the two of us." Hidan swallowed thickly, glancing at Kakuzu. He saw the anger there as well. Chiyo didn't need any money, but Deidara did. But she was being generous.

"That seems reasonable," Mizuki said. "Do you find this acceptable, Deidara?" Deidara nodded without looking up. Mizuki licked his lips. "Right. Should we schedule the funeral for next week?"

"Yes, I think that would be appropriate. Just a family funeral-"

"Hang on a moment," Hidan growled. "How about those of us who actually care about Sasori, huh?" Chiyo turned her steely gaze to Hidan, who met it with his own.

"I am his grandmother, I think I should decide what is best."

"Yeah, and Deidara married him, so he has no say?" Chiyo seemed disgusted at the mention of her grandson's marriage.

"I am his family-"

"So is Deidara," Hidan shot. "God, you can't even imagine what Deidara's going through! And who are you to call yourself Sasori's family? I know for a fact that you two have spoken three times in the past ten years!" Hidan stood, glaring at the woman who, at the moment, seemed the embodiment of everything he loathed.

"Do you expect me to stand aside and let riffraff like yourself attend my grandson's funeral? I know that Deidara does not have the money to pay for it. Is the only reason I'm included in this because of my money?"

"If you cared about him at all you'd let his friends say goodbye properly!"

"Sasori is dead, and it makes no difference to him who attends his funeral."

"Then why hold one at all?" Deidara made a choking noise and steadied himself on the desk. Hidan continued his screaming match with Chiyo, while Kakuzu placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Deep breaths, Deidara," he said. Deidara gasped, tears streaming down his face.

"I'm going to be sick…"

"Just keep breathing. Focus on something." After a few tense moments, where Kakuzu wasn't sure if his coat or the rug was more expensive to be vomited on, Deidara regained himself and curled back up in his chair. Kakuzu was going through everything he knew about law, trying to find a way to get Deidara out of this mess. He couldn't see a way.

"Hidan," he snapped. Hidan looked back at him. "Please, just sit down. We can deal with this civilly." Hidan, begrudgingly, sat. Kakuzu cleared his throat. "Financially, Deidara will receive the insurance, correct?"

"No."

"And why the fuck not?" Hidan demanded. "Don't tell me…"

"I'm sorry, but that's the way the law goes." Kakuzu stood up, handing Hidan a set of keys.

"Take Deidara to the car. He doesn't need to hear this," he said. Hidan licked his lips before nodding, standing, and helping Deidara from the room. Once they left, Kakuzu turned his sights to Mizuki. "You're bound to push him to the point of no return if you blasphemy his marriage right in front of him." Kakuzu looked intensely at the man. "I believe Deidara is a citizen of this country. He is also a human being. Do you mean to undermine both of these and ignore all his rights?"

"I didn't come up with it," Mizuki replied. Kakuzu couldn't help the images of Deidara, dead, that flashed through his mind. And it was legal…

"Supposing Deidara didn't work," he said slowly. "Supposing he depended on Sasori for his finances. What then? Is letting him starve legal?"

"He has friends like you he can stay with. And family."

"Supposing he didn't. Suppose all he had was Sasori. Are you defending the laws that are formed out of discrimination and would allow Deidara to completely fall through the safety nets of our society merely for a little fact of gender?" Kakuzu leaned down so he was eyelevel with Mizuki. "Murder comes in many forms, Mr. Mizuki."


	18. Chapter 18

A silence hung over the office as Kakuzu, Hidan, and Deidara arrived Monday. Deidara managed to stumble to his office before collapsing. He wasn't expected to do work, simply stay there. Konan called a meeting, and Akatsuki assembled silently. Konan cleared her throat, licking her lips nervously. "Saturday," she said. "Saturday at three-thirty." Everyone stood with heads bowed.

"Sasori left a will, of sorts," Kakuzu said. "He left a letter to each of us, and one to all of us." Kakuzu handed Konan the letter to Akatsuki. She quickly unfolded it and commenced reading.

__

Dear Akatsuki,

You're all so special to me. But most of you are bat-shit crazy. Sorry, no offense, but honestly, you know it's true. And it's because of that I trust you will take good care of Deidara. You'll make sure he doesn't go off the deep end, right? Sorry to say, but he has never been exactly sane. So he'll be in good hands. I'm sure you all have questions surrounding my dead, I know Kakuzu has probably been completely turned upside-down. But I've explained it all in my letters to you all, in terms you can comprehend. Keep Akatsuki going, will you? I'm glad we've made it big.

-Sasori.

"That bastard," Konan muttered, hands shaking as tears dripped down her face. Kakuzu handed everyone their letters, and found himself with only his own and Deidara's and… he cried at the sight. Slowly, he walked to Deidara's office, gently placing the letter and the lollipop on the desk. He then retreated to the dark room to read his own.

__

Dear Kakuzu,

Oh, old friend, we've been through so much. But there was so much about me you didn't know. The truth was, I went to Japan because it was easier to obtain heroin. I've been addicted since I was fifteen. My grandmother didn't know, there was a lot she didn't know. I went through a lot to be able to get my fix, and after twenty years I was just starting to loose feeling altogether. I was getting angry at myself for being addicted and that I wouldn't be able to feel my dear Deidara. I could barely live with myself. We fought, Deidara and I. Fought about stupid things, like why I would want to be alone all the time, and if he slept with anyone else while I was locked up in my room. I hit him. That time, when he told everyone he walked into a wall, it was me who hit him. I just can't explain my anger towards him. I'm sorry I had to die, but it's too late now, what's done is done.

Please, as a last request, I ask this: tell Deidara three things. Tell him I was addicted to heroin, and that I never really wanted to fight with him. And tell him I love him, and I always will, to the second I die (or died, by the time you read this) and nothing can ever change that. And please, you're the only one I trust to watch over him. It's my last request, just watch out for him, all right? That way he'll have Akatsuki on earth, and me from Heaven, if they'll let me in. But I have a feeling God doesn't like me. So take care of him, please.

Oh Kakuzu, we've known each other for forever. This has probably come to a shock to even you. But I love you, and I consider you my dearest friend. I would leave you something if Deidara wasn't dirt poor. Tell you what, you can have that old radio of mine. Oh, wait, that was originally yours, wasn't it? Oh well. Take whatever was yours before I stole it from you. You've earned it.

Well, unless you believe in afterlife, this goodbye is for good. Take care, dear friend.

-Sasori

"You fucking bastard," Kakuzu muttered, tears running down his face. These papers weren't his will, they were suicide letters.

__

Dear Konan,

I don't have much to say to you. Honestly. I guess I was always so open with you. Oh, but there is one thing I've always wanted to say to you: You're a dominatrix bitch slave-driver. I know in time, my position will need to be filled. Give it to Deidara. That way you can hire a real woman for his column. Got it, dominatrix? Besides, he has such great views on art that will attract young people. Have you ever heard him explain what causes an explosion? He can be scientific. Anyway, I hope I don't have to see you anytime soon.

-Sasori.

Konan sighed, letting the letter rest on his desk. He had to be as ass, right up into his suicide letters.

* * *

The church was large and dark, clouds covering the sun on that particular Saturday. Hidan sat next to Deidara, holding the blond as he cried silently. He was actually doing a pretty good job of keeping himself together. Kakuzu was crying as well, for he had known Sasori longer than anyone else, and better than his grandmother. When it came time for Deidara to give his eulogy, Konan went up with him in case he couldn't finish. Hands shaking, lips stammering, Deidara began.

It was the most beautiful piece of writing anyone had ever heard. But towards the end Deidara choked and handed the paper to Konan. Konan, biting back her own tears. "I won't lie, he was an ass. But that's not what counted about him. He was my reason, my life, my joy, my sorrow. He was my midnight craving… for a cherry lollipop." Deidara removed his wedding ring, laying it on the coffin as Sasori had asked him to in his letter. Kakuzu couldn't stand it, he hunched over sobbing into his hands. Leave it to Deidara to make sorrow nostalgic and beautiful.

In Sasori's letter to Kisame, he had asked that one of his best quotes be put on his headstone: "I do not ridicule those who think they have found true love. I ridicule those who think they have found it more than once." It was pure Sasori. Once Sasori was buried, Deidara seemed a little more stable. It was then Kakuzu chose to tell Deidara.

"Deidara…"

"Hmm?" Deidara was holding himself insecurely, as if he had lost whatever had been holding him up.

"Sasori wrote me a letter."

"Mm-hmm…"

"He wanted me to tell you a few things." Deidara gulped, before nodding. "He never really wanted to fight with you. He was… addicted to heroin." Deidara turned his back on his friend. "Please, I know this is hard, but he wanted you to know."

"Shut up, yeah."

"It's true, I'll show you-"

"I know, un!" Deidara turned back around to glare at Kakuzu. Kakuzu was taken aback. Even Sasori had thought Deidara didn't know.

"What…?"

"Oh, please, you think I'm mentally disabled, un?" Deidara shrieked. "He spent hours in his room with a towel shoved under the door, hmm! What about that doesn't scream drug addiction, un?" Deidara had angry tears streaming down his face. "I'm not some innocent kid, un. I grew up on the streets of New York, do you think I have no idea what a drug addiction looks like, yeah?" Deidara crossed his arms over his chest. "And he hit me, un. A little punch to the eye, yeah."

"Deidara-"

"I hit him back ten times harder, yeah! I knocked the fucking wind out of him, yeah!" Deidara's face was blotched and tearstained. "Please, don't tarnish his image, yeah. He's gone, don't speak ill of the dead, yeah." Deidara hung his head, and Kakuzu drew him close. The poor thing was a widower at age nineteen, within months of his marriage.

* * *

Two weeks after Sasori's death, Deidara went back to his apartment, only to move. "I can't afford to live here, un," Deidara explained with a sigh. "And it's time to move on, yeah."

He still had breakdowns, and always someone would be there for him. Hidan had spied him even crying on Zetsu's shoulder. But one day, by chance, Hidan caught Deidara leaning against Tobi. Tobi, for once, wasn't being an annoying shit, and being comforting. Hidan shook his head. Deidara would reach out for anyone, he told himself. Anyone, even a retarded copy boy.

After that, however, Deidara stopped having his meltdowns, and even stopped crying himself to sleep. He steadily pieced his life together. But he was never the same. He was like when Kisame had found him: dark, arrogant, cynical, and bitter. But he was keeping his mind together, which is what mattered. Akatsuki saw his recovery, and could only marvel and hope they could be half that strong.

* * *

Deidara turned around to stare at the person who had just walked into his office. Tobi had made it a ritual to just come and sit in his office whenever he had a spare moment. Deidara had begun leaving the door ajar for him, letting him know it was all right. Tobi now stood awkwardly before him. "Hi, Sempai," he said.

"Hi," Deidara grunted.

"Sempai, you don't smile a lot anymore," Tobi said slowly. Deidara sighed, turning his back to his coworker.

"You wouldn't understand, yeah." Tobi gulped.

"Maybe. But I might. I lost someone close to me as well."

"It's not the same, yeah!" Deidara cried. "You didn't live for that person, did you? I'll bet they weren't the reason you got up in the morning, or your only reason to even bother keeping your head above water, un." Tobi sighed.

"Pretty close. I'm an amnesia victim, I was found as a teenager by someone and taken to a hospital. There I met a doctor, and she took me in. I called her my aunt, but before long, I was in love with her. She died a little before I came to Akatsuki. She was all I had. I don't have a family, all I had was Rin- my aunt- and Zetsu, her friend and patient. See? I'm alone too." Deidara was quiet for a long moment before formulating his reply.

"I don't have room for sympathy, un," he said softly. "This is just consuming, un." Tobi took a step closer to the blond.

"I know, I've been there. But it does get better, eventually," he replied. Deidara bit his lip before turning around to face Tobi. "You just have to learn to move on. Death is death." Tobi reached out and caressed Deidara's cheek with the back of his hand. "You can't keep yourself as a shrine to Sasori-san." Deidara's mouth had fallen open, and he just looked up at Tobi pleadingly. Gently, Tobi leaned down and kissed Deidara's lips.

* * *

"AH! You mother-fucking-son-of-a-bitch, un! Get the fuck away form me, yeah!" A door banged open, and Tobi ran out into the hall, a book flying after him. "I never want to see your fucking dog-ugly face again, hmm! You bastard, I hope you die, un!" Tobi ran down the hall and was hit in the back of the head with a flying book before Deidara slammed his door. Tobi bumped into Hidan as he escaped.

"E-excuse me," he said hurriedly, and went to leave, before Hidan caught his sleeve.

"No, stay, Tobi," he purred venomously. Tobi gulped. "What happened with Deidara?" Tobi gulped.

"Sempai was just looking so lost, I couldn't help myself, I just kissed him and he went nuts." Hidan sighed.

"Tobi, I want to slaughter you," he said casually. "Do you know who the last person to kiss Deidara was?"

"Sasori?"

"Exactly. That's all Deidara has left of him. God, Tobi, Deidara doesn't need this."

"Then what does he need?" Tobi cried. "I'd do anything, honest!" Hidan sighed.

"Deidara needs someone with everything to devote and nothing to lose. He needs someone he can yell and scream at and won't get offended. He needs someone who can understand him and give him time, and as much love as a human being can give." Hidan sight again. "He needs someone the exact opposite of Sasori." Tobi gulped. "But I'm not convinced to let you drive him over the edge of sanity."

"I just want to help him. He seems so… so helpless, so sad…"

"Your nose is starting to bruise."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Look, do you need an icepack? Does your head hurt?"

"No, I think I'll be fine." Hidan sighed.

"Tobi, I can't let you make a move on Deidara. I just can't. You don't know what it's like. Imagine- damn, I'm not here because I can write. But try imagining your entire world is gone. Try imagining you don't consider your life is worth living anymore. Please, Tobi, just leave him be. It's a little crush, you'll get over it." Hidan turned to leave, before pausing and looking back at Tobi. He scrutinized him closely. "Which head do you think with?" he asked.

"I have two heads?" Hidan chuckled.

"Issue thirty. Check it out." With that, Hidan turned and left. Tobi gulped. He didn't really want to know that particular sexual reference. But he'd locate that issue. It could be Hidan was sending him a small lifeline.

* * *

Tobi was sitting at the front desk, answering phone calls and going through papers. He almost didn't hear Deidara. The blond walked up silently, simply standing near the desk. Tobi stopped his work and looked up. "Can I help you, Sempai?" he asked. Deidara, slowly, shook his head.

"I'm fine, un," he said softly. And there he stood until he got off work. To Tobi, it was as good as an apology.

* * *

'The Perfect Man', the article read. Tobi gulped. He wasn't what he'd find in this article. But it was a small preservation of Deidara's views on life before Sasori entered his world. 'Caring, generous, blah blah blah…' the article began.

Tobi sighed, putting down his glasses. That was an amazing article. But the scary part was that Sasori hadn't met a single one of Deidara's standards.

* * *

The two subtly grew closer. No one really wanted to ask, or delve too much, but Hidan caught Tobi giving Deidara a small kiss, and Kakuzu witnessed Deidara with Tobi's head in his lap, but not in a particularly sexual way. And it was after that that Deidara started smiling again, and would go out with the others on the weekends, and he seemed at last to be back in one piece. Not that he'd ever admit it, though.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Well, I seem to be getting the most confusion on this story. So far two people have flamed me (my first two flames ever on this site) saying that yuri was dumb and 1. Zetsu should be screwing Tobi and 2. Pein should be screwing Konan. Memo: It's not about SCREWING. I never said anything about their partners being their lovers, simply that they have destined lovers. I put a yuri warning. But some of you may still be confused. "WP, why did you put in a yuri pairing? I mean, a lot of yaoi fans don't support yuri." And the answer is simple:

I needed someone outside of our little group, sort of like a reality check. A lot of people, myself included, write about normal love as if it were destiny. So what's to make this different than poor writing? Well, as long as I have another relationship that's between an Akatsuki and a normal person would show how different the 'destined' lovers are. And now, why did I pick yuri?

Well, it all has to do with believability. I can't write straight believably. I just can't. The girl is either a bitch or a skank, and the guy is completely ass-ish. That aside, the only Konan hetero couples that are supported (that I am aware of) are KonanxPein, KonanxMadara, and KonanxAnyOtherAkatsukiGuy. That won't do, now will it? But the yuri Konan couples are supported, albeit by horny men, and thus makes it believable. I know a lot of you don't like yuri, hence I haven't fucking written it.

Tobi and Zetsu? You have got to be kidding me. That's as bad as Kisame and Deidara. I mean, they talked in the anime! Therefore they're partners! No. Tobi is Deidara's partner. Duh. And if you've got your panties in a knot over Pein and Konan, just read the first scene and then quit.

-WP

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Konan demanded. Pein licked his lips.

"Madara sent me to check in," he said. "He's taking the day off. Says he has a cold." Konan sighed. Zetsu had said the same thing.

"So what do you want? We're going through a hard time," Konan said.

"Can we chat? How about in your office?" Pein suggested. 'All the better,' Konan thought, 'I have Mace in there.'

"Gladly," Konan said, leading the way to her dark cave. Pein shivered, something close to pleasure and fear. The two were awfully close a disturbing amount of the time. He took a seat across the desk from the blue-haired woman. "Anything you'd like to discuss?"

"Sasori's position."

"Ah." Konan gulped, looking down. She had made her decision. "I believe I know what to do. Zetsu will be given the science articles, I'm sure he's capable of it with his brains and such."

"Is Zetsu here?"

"No, actually, he's sick."

"I see. And art?"

"Art is going to be Deidara's new article. He'll be able to connect with a younger, more abstract crowd instead of the classical art fanatics Sasori-" Konan paused, realizing how strange it was to say 'did'. She had been careful not to mention Sasori, afraid it would just put everyone in a bad mood. Pein realized this, and didn't wait for her to finish her sentence.

"And will Deidara be any good?"

"Oh yes. I'm sure readers will enjoy his thoughts on art very much."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." Pein sighed.

"I'm sorry, it just seems unlikely that a child without a college education would be able to do the same job college educated people are able to do." Konan pursed her lips.

"You would have them fired?"

"No, not really," Pein sighed. "Madara defends him, and that psychotic man. He just seems to think it's your job to decide if they can do their jobs, and it's up to you to make sure they can. Can they?"

"I would trust them with my life," Konan replied resolutely. "And while we're at it I'm not firing Kakuzu, and Itachi is the best editor here."

"I didn't question them."

"You're going to." Pein smiled lightly, looking her over.

"Now that we've got this business over with, mind answering a personal question?"

"Depends no how personal."

"Where do I know you from?" The question caught Konan off guard. She had been expecting to be asked out to coffee, or for her number. "You know what I'm talking about. We know each other from somewhere." Pein's eyes were sure. Konan was wracking her brain, trying to recall his face. She had felt it to, that familiarity, déjà vu, that nagged at the mind.

"I can't recall," Konan said slowly. "Have you ever been to India?"

"No."

"Hmm… I can't think of anything."

"Where did you go to college?"

"California."

"Hm. I was in New York. Wait, how old are you?"

"I'll be thirty-two on February 20th."

"That's the same day as an old friend of mine…"

"Oh really? Yahiko Wittenberg?" Pein paused, looking Konan in the eye.

"Yes, actually."

"He was an old friend of mine… but you should know he-"

"Yes, I know. I couldn't make it to the funeral."

"He must have mentioned you," Konan said. "I remember something he said…"

"Likewise, he must have told me about you a great deal."

"What makes you say that?"

"I don't know a man in his right mind that wouldn't want to talk about you." Konan stared. She hadn't expected the suave blandishments to come in this form. "Madara talks about you," Pein continued. "He respects you. I know he doesn't show it, but he never shows anybody any respect."

"I- I see…"

"And I can tell all the men here have a high opinion of you."

"I suppose they do, I never bother to think about that," Konan said, growing slightly flustered. Pein sighed lightly.

"I just don't remember Yahiko mentioning you," he said. "He must have, but I must not have been paying attention. I wish I had been." Pein looked her dead in the eye. "He must have said so much I tuned him out." Konan nodded.

"I see. I believe he mentioned you before."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, you really looked up to him." Pein blushed slightly.

"That was years ago," he said. "But he was so good to me." Konan nodded.

"Likewise." They sat in silence for a long moment, before Pein looked up intently.

"Call me Nagato."

"Hmm?"

"You heard me."

"Nagato?" Pein sighed slightly, knowing he had done the right thing.

"Yes, that's my real name. Only Madara knows, but he's kind enough to call me Pein."

"And you chose the name Pein?"

"Yes."

"What a strange choice. If you were really going to choose a name, why Pein? And it's spelled strangely."

"You're one to talk, Konan the Barbarian." Konan glared. This man knew how to get on her nerves.

"I didn't choose it," she replied. "If I had my pick, I'd be named Elizabeth."

"Elizabeth?"

"Yes, after Elizabeth Cady Stanton." Pein chuckled.

"I could have guessed." They stayed silent for a long moment. "How did you come up with the idea for Akatsuki?"

"It's a long story…"

"I've got time." The end of their meeting saw them seated on the floor, backs pressed together. That day Konan told him things she had never told anyone, not even Kisame. And Pein- Nagato- told her things he had never told anyone. From that day on, they made a habit of meeting whenever they could, in the dark of Konan's office, just to talk, and feel like, for the first time, there were no walls or pretences, no boundaries, no secrets, just two exposed hearts, brushing in the wash of emotion and uncertainty.

* * *

It wasn't long before Tobi and Deidara lived together. But it took Madara and Zetsu to set things into motion. It all started on a Saturday morning at Madara's apartment. The early sun shone through the window, falling upon the couple. Zetsu mumbled in his sleep, turning slightly and curling up closer to Madara. Madara was already awake and sitting up, Zetsu's head in his lap. Eventually Zetsu's golden eyes opened, and he looked up at Madara. He sighed, rolling over and away from him, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before sitting up and slipping out of bed. "I'm going to take a shower," he muttered.

"Meet me in the kitchen when you're done, there's something I want to talk to you about," Madara said, getting up and slipping into his boxers and jeans as Zetsu left to the bathroom. He sighed, running a hand through his scruffy black hair, concentrating on exactly how he'd say it. He was an efficient man, and cared to get things done. So two big confessions was much his style. But as for Zetsu, he knew what he could handle and what he couldn't, and Madara had to think of him in a situation like this. How would he react? It was best not to think about that, and go ahead with what he had planned. Resolutely, he walked over to the bedside table and reached in, pulling out a tiny object, about the size of a pill box.

Zetsu met Madara in the kitchen, a towel around his shoulders for his still drying hair. He said nothing, seeing Madara's bare back turned to him. Suddenly the Uchiha turned around, smiling shakily at Zetsu. "Hey," he said casually. Zetsu remained silent. "Um, there's something I have to tell you." Zetsu nodded slowly. "It… it has to do with my health. You know Itachi is my cousin, correct?"

"Yes…" Madara sighed, gulped, and looked Zetsu straight in the eye.

"I'm going blind. I'll have officially lost my sight within the month." Zetsu's eyes widened minimally, and his posture sagged ever so slightly.

"Really?"

"Yes. I want to do a lot of things before it all goes. I'll still be functional, but there are so many sights I want to see."

"Like the Grand Canyon?" Zetsu asked. "Or the Taj Mahal?" Madara smirked.

"Not quite. Here, hold out your hand." Zetsu reluctantly did so, and Madara grasped it, feeling the worn skin under the pad of his thumb. Swiftly he got down on one knee, looking up into Zetsu's eyes. "Will you marry me?" he asked. Zetsu's eyes widened now, completely, and his jaw dropped. He didn't do a thing for a long moment except blink and stare, before tears leaked out his eyes. Madara stood up and drew him close. "Is this a no?" he asked cheekily.

"It's a yes, you bastard," Zetsu cried, wrapping his arms around Madara's neck and kissing him soundly.

* * *

It's all well and good that Madara got over his fears and was able to accept him and Zetsu, and that Zetsu was finally loved, but this left Tobi rather stranded. Luckily, Deidara had a solution.

* * *

Hidan didn't often do the shopping. Kakuzu never trusted him not to pick up complete crap, but today Kakuzu had a migraine and they had run out of peanut butter, so Hidan had been banished to do the shopping. He was comparing toilet paper when she turned up. "Hidan?" Looking up, Hidan found himself staring at his ex-girlfriend. He grinned.

"Hey, Ino, long time no see," he said. "And who's this?" The man standing next to her looked familiar, but Hidan couldn't put his finger on it.

"This is my boyfriend, Shikamaru," Ino said. Hidan blinked.

"Oh! Shikamaru!" He glared. "Bastard." Shikamaru shrugged.

"Anyway, Hidan, I'm glad I ran into you," Ino said. "I never got a chance to really apologise for running out. I was rude and inappropriate, and I'm sorry."

"Hey, no prob. I was an ass myself." Hidan chuckled. Ino gave him a dazzling smile.

"I'm so happy. Am I forgiven?"

"Sure, I never could hold a proper grudge." Hidan glanced at her shopping cart, and saw the latest issue of Akarsuki. "Oh, so you're still reading it?" Ino blushed.

"Yes, actually. I find Deidara's articles very intriguing." Hidan looked her over. Black nail polish. Of course. Deidara had been writing his opinions on nail polish recently, and recommended black because it went with everything.

"I see you've taken his advice," he said. Ino laughed.

"Yeah. Do you have time this weekend? I wouldn't mind getting together for a little chat."

"Sure, give me a call."

"Good, here's my number." Ino got out a slip of paper and jotted down her number.

* * *

"Look, I'm really sorry about what happened between us. I really should have never run out like that, it was inappropriate and wrong of me."

"Really, it's all right. It's kind of weird, but everything worked out. You've got that Shikamaru bloke, so it's all for the best, right?"

"I suppose…" Ino looked down at her coffee. "So who is he?"

"A co-worker. Kind of awkward, you met him once, remember? The tall one with black hair."

"The Mexican?" Hidan glared at her. "Sorry, that sort of slipped out. So you two got together?"

"Yeah, for a while now." Ino swirled her coffee.

"I see. Hidan, please, I have to get this off my chest." Ino looked up, making eye contact with the silver-haired man. "I love you, Hidan, and I am so sorry I ran out on you. That was the worst mistake of my life. I know you're with someone, I know you don't love me, but please, just…" Ino's eyes were pleading, and Hidan looked sympathetically down at her. It reminded him of the way he had pleaded with Kakuzu. Carefully, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Darling, I think you're a wonderful, attractive, smart, charismatic young woman. Don't waste your time chasing after gay men."

"So you're gay?" Ino asked.

"I don't know. If there was a sexuality specifically for those who were attracted to Kakuzu, that would be me." Ino looked back down at her coffee.

"I'm sorry."

"And you have a boyfriend, Ino."

"He's a temporary, only something to bide my time. I could drop him in a heartbeat." Ino waved a hand.

"Well good. I caught him making a move on my boss' wife." Ino wrinkled her nose.

"He hit on a lesbian?" she asked, a little revolted.

"Yeah."

"Oh that's it, he so goes." Ino looked up, giving a radiant smile. "Got any single friends?"

"No straight ones."

"Well damn. I suppose I could always go for his best friend."

"You're a bitch, you know?" Ino stuck out her tongue.

"If I can't have someone I want, I might as well just get a replacement, right?" Hidan's heart nearly stopped. He almost wanted to tell her she couldn't stave off a craving by not indulging it, but then he saw she was just being brave after that little confession. He should let her be.

* * *

"I saw Ino today," Hidan said. Kakuzu was making dinner in the kitchen, and turned around to look questioningly at him.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You won't believe who she's dating, though."

"Who?"

"Shikamaru. And yes, she was dating him when he made a move on Temari."

"That's a bit disturbing."

"But she's going to dump him pretty soon. She also…" Hidan coughed. "She also confessed her love for me and apologized for running out on me." Kakuzu was silent for a long moment.

"And what did you do?"

"Well, she already knew I was taken, so I told her to go back to her boyfriend."

"I see."

"What did you expect me to do? Run away with her?"

"I don't know."

"What do you take me for?" Hidan cried, leaping up from the table. "Kakuzu?"

"I'm not… trying to insult you… but…" Hidan saw where this was going.

"Kakuzu, are you serious?" he cried. "I'm not so shallow to ditch you once you're a… little sicker."

"We both know that's a lie." Hidan bit his lip. Until now, Kakuzu had allowed him to continue his little delusion. "I wouldn't hate you if you left."

"Yes you would, and you know it," Hidan shot. "Do you really think I'm-"

"I'm not insulting you." And he wasn't, he was giving permission. "Things aren't going to be pretty. If… if you need to… I would understand." Hidan sighed. It seemed so typical of Kakuzu.

"Kuzu, I haven't left yet and I'm not going to. Where did you get that idea?" Kakuzu gulped.

"You're a wonderful person, Hidan. I don't want to compromise you. You deserve the best and most long-lasting things this world has to offer. I can't offer you that."

"Kakuzu! Please, I know you don't understand, but if you want to effectively kill me, tell me to leave. If you want to keep me going, just let me stay with you. I… I know you're likely to die soon. I know. But… I can't leave. I just can't." Hidan looked up at Kakuzu pleadingly. "And you can't go through this alone. You need someone, no matter if you won't admit it. So stop being an ass." Kakuzu licked his lips, slowly.

"They doubled my medication."

"What does that mean?"

"It means… it's not working too well."


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Good news! One of my flamers is delusional! She (or he? Hmm...) seems to think I killed Sasori off to pair Deidara with Tobi. XD And she also hates completely non-cannon couples, and has written a KakuHi fic. Oooh, I am just cracking up right now! Sorry, I know I sound bitter, but this is one mystery solved!

Anyway, it seems Pairing-Nazi just hates couples she (or he? still confused!) doesn't like, and calls them non-cannon and has to flame. I shall do more research into this, but I fear I've found myself blocked, though. I know, I'm a loser. XD Anyway, that just leaves one mystery left...

Oh, and no one really believes that I killes Sasori to pair Deidara with Tobi, right? If you knew this, raise your hand! XD

Ok, so about this chapter: I'm just tying up some loose ends, and I don't five a flying monkey's left testicle if Tobi is supposed to be Madara. That's another stupid plot device, like how Shikamaru defeated Hidan. It's all BS! XD Sorry! I'm a bit on a ranting streak! Enjoy!

* * *

"Madara?" Sasuke asked politely.

"Hm."

"I want to see Itachi."

"Why?"

"He's my brother."

"Hm."

"I know you know where he is."

"Are you sure you want to see him?"

"Yes."

"All right. Zetsu!"

"Fuck you."

"Aw, come on, just one little favor?"

"Get Pein to do it." Madara sighed. He had just recently lost his sight, and had just recently bought his own mansion to share with Zetsu. The schizophrenic man had spent the first day discussing politics with the help.

"Zetsu, please?"

"There, now you've found your manners." Zetsu appeared in the doorway to the living room. "What do you want?"

"Itachi's address."

"Sorry, that's confidential."

"Are you just being difficult for the sake of being difficult?" Zetsu pursed his lips.

"Like I'm that shallow."

"Look, Sasuke hasn't seen his brother in over a year. He'd like to."

"Then he can do it on his own. He's a big boy." Sasuke, getting a bit annoyed, stood up and walked over to Zetsu.

"Tell me where Itachi is, or else," he growled. Zetsu yawned.

"Or else what?" he asked. "Please, if there's anything you can do, I'd just push the envelope out of curiosity." Sasuke paused. "Right over his head, that one."

"Why won't you tell me where he is?"

"I'm not entirely convinced he wants to see you as much as you want to see him."

"He doesn't know where I am."

"Delusional child."

"Come on, Zetsu, we're family," Sasuke pleaded. Zetsu twitched visibly. Madara had found that argument had worked quite well, and Sasuke had picked up on it. But it wasn't going to be that easy this time.

"Madara, why don't you ask Itachi if he'd like to see Sasuke? And why pester me about this?"

"Because I can't look through my files to find his address."

"Oh grow up. Get Pein to do it."

"Zetsu," Madara whined. "Can't you just do it?"

"I have a high respect for Itachi. How about this? Itachi works at Akatsuki." Zetsu leaned against the doorway.

"Thank you," Sasuke said curtly. Zetsu turned and left. Sasuke sighed, turning back to Madara. "You really have strange taste."

"Hey, mind your own business. Wasn't it just last week you wanted to break something so you could go to the hospital and see that nurse?"

"Oh shut up."

* * *

"Who are you?" Sasuke asked as he walked into the lobby.

"I'm Tobi. What can I do for you?"

"Is there a family name with that?" Sasuke asked.

"Um, no. Why?"

"You look like someone I used to know. Anyway, I'm here to see Itachi."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, but I'm his brother."

"You two do look a lot alike."

"Can I see him?"

"He's busy at the moment."

"This is much more important."

"I doubt it, un," Deidara said smoothly, walking into the lobby. "Long time no see, Sasuke, un."

"Oh. Hi Deidara."

"Designer sunglasses? You have got to be kidding me, yeah!" Deidara snickered.

"Can I please see Sasuke?"

"No, un. He's busy."

"With what?"

"With his job, dumbass, un." Deidara put some papers down on Tobi's desk. "Kisame wants those copied, un."

"What's he doing?"

"He's busy, un." Tobi didn't ask.

"Come on, please let me see my brother!"

"He's busy, un! You can call and make an appointment if you really want to see him, yeah!"

"There's no point in starting a fight, Deidara," Itachi sighed, showing himself. Deidara shrugged.

"Hello, Itachi," Sasuke said, looking his brother over.

"Hello, Sasuke."

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Here, mostly."

"Why haven't you called?" Itachi sighed.

"Let's continue this in my office."

"Konan is going to be mad, un," Deidara said.

"I'm not the one out here with his boyfriend annoying people with designer sunglasses." Deidara pursed his lips.

"Well, at least we're not making out and dry humping, un."

"Shall we?" Itachi asked Sasuke, ignoring Deidara's comeback. He lead him down the hall and to his office, where Kisame was leaning against his desk. "Sasuke, this is Kisame. Kisame, this is my little brother," Itachi introduced.

"Hey," Kisame greeted.

"Who the hell are you?" Sasuke demanded. Kisame blinked.

"Well you're very nice. Is that black nail polish?" Sasuke curled his fists to cover his nails. "I didn't know straight people listened to Deidara."

"I never said he was straight," Itachi said.

'Hey!"

"You did sleep with Deidara."

"That was a one time thing! He looked like a girl I know."

"What, Hidan's old girlfriend?"

"I'll bet she's tired of getting attention because she's a straight Deidara."

"Um, can we talk, Itachi?"

"Of course."

"I mean, in private."

"No." Itachi crossed his arms over his chest. Sasuke was glaring at Kisame.

"How about without the blue freak?"

"Oh please," Kisame yawned. "Am I allowed to throw him out?"

"Not quite yet," Itachi said. Suddenly the door burst open.

"Kisame I- Oh, sorry, um…" Hidan paused, looking around. "Have you dabbled in cloning?"

"This is my little brother."

"Oh. Ok. Um… well then, I'll just be leaving. Oh, and Kisame? Here." Hidan walked in and handed a few papers to the blue man. "Deidara and Tobi were a little busy, so they asked me to give this to you." Kisame rolled his eyes, accepting the papers.

"Thanks," he said.

"Are we going to need security?"

"Ah, no."

"It's no trouble, really. I can go get Deidara-"

"No. Really. It's fine." Hidan shrugged.

"If you insist, but…" he reached slowly into his pocket, and then quick as lightning pulled out a camera and snapped Sasuke's picture. "Do you think Konan will take that one for our cover?"

"No. Go get Deidara, since he's so busy," Kisame said.

"We'll get sued."

"So? How about you get a picture of Zetsu?" he suggested.

"Hm. That idea has merit. Have fun." Hidan turned and left, tiptoeing down the hall to Zetsu's office. He burst in, snapping a picture of the schizophrenic. Zetsu sighed, turning around slowly.

"What do you want, Hidan?" he asked in a monotone. Hidan snapped another picture.

"I just want a few pictures," he said. As he began to take another one, Zetsu held up a hand to block it. Hidan paused, lowering the camera, staring at the white hand. "Could you use your other hand? The light glints off your ring too much to get a clear shot." Zetsu's eyes widened and he lowered his hand, looking away. Hidan grinned. "So who is it, hmm?"

"None of your damn business," Zetsu growled. Hidan laughed.

"You're so secretive, Zetsu. I'm not going to make fun of you, that's just what Deidara might do. I'm just curious." Zetsu still eyed him suspiciously. Hidan leaned against the wall, taking another picture. Zetsu glared.

"Why do you care?"

"Because we're coworkers and friends, and even if you don't talk to me I'd like to talk to you. So come on, I can keep a secret."

"Uchiha Madara."

"What?!" Hidan cried. Zetsu glared venomously.

"Would you mind keeping your voice down?" he hissed.

"Sorry. Oh. Wow. Sorry for all those 'not getting laid' jokes. Yeah. Wow. Really sorry about that." Hidan licked his lips. "So you two… are… married?" Zetsu nodded. "So you have a new last name?" Zetsu nodded, slower. "Wow. Like… wow. Everybody's getting married, aren't they?"

"I suppose." Zetsu wouldn't make eye contact.

"Aw, don't get shy on me. I didn't know you two were together, or that you were seeing someone."

"He… likes to keep things secret…"

"What about you?"

"I don't mind." Hidan hummed, thinking.

"So can I take a closer look?" he asked. Zetsu, tentatively, held out his hand. Hidan snatched it, gaping at the ring.

"Oh. My. God. A fucking diamond? Pure gold? You've got to be fucking kidding me! This is gorgeous!" Hidan tilted Zetsu's thin-fingered hand, the diamond catching the light. "Hey, what's written on it?" he asked, looking closely at the inscription.

"Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love. A Virgil quote."

"I never knew he was such a romantic!" Hidan cried.

"Do you mind?" Zetsu growled, snatching his hand back.

"Sorry. This is just a bit sudden. Am I allowed to tell people?" Zetsu pursed his lips.

"Anyone in Akatsuki."

"Cool, I wasn't thinking of anyone else." Hidan quickly got a picture of Zetsu's ring. Zetsu sighed, but allowed a small smile to creep to his lips. "Are you actually smiling?" Hidan cried. Zetsu instantly glared at him. "Sorry." Hidan patted his shoulder. "Sorry I ever doubted your ability to get laid." Zetsu wrinkled his nose, turning his back to Hidan. But he was happy, and Hidan could tell.

* * *

"So Zetsu married Madara." Kakuzu choked on his tea.

"What?" he gasped after dislodging the liquid from his esophagus.

"I know, I had the same reaction. See, I went to go take a picture of him, and I noticed his ring, and he explained everything. Apparently they had to get married in secret, but he has this pure gold ring with a diamond, and a really romantic inscription."

"Oh? What did it say?"

"Um… I forget." Kakuzu snorted.

"It's nice someone understands him."

"Yeah. Hopefully Madara's turned himself around since Deidara knew him."

"Yeah." They sat in silence for a moment. "This'll displace Tobi."

"He'll just sleep at the office if he has to."

"Yeah." It was times like these, when neither could think of something to say, that they had learned to just bask in each other's company.

* * *

Madara called Deidara's home phone, hoping to get Tobi. Luckily, said copy boy answered. "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Tobi?"

"Uh-huh."

"Is Deidara around?"

"Um… uh…"

"Whoever it is can fuck off, yeah!" Madara heard in the background.

"Um, he's unavailable right now…"

"I see. Well then, you're the one I wanted to talk to, actually. Are you sure you can't remember anything about your past?"

"Um…"

"Look, I'm not trying to harass you, I just have a hunch."

"No. I can't remember anything, except… orange…"

"Orange?"

"Yeah. Or maybe it was when I was first found. I don't know."

"Well then. It may just be my paranoia, but I'd like you do go through a few tests for me."

"Huh?"

"I have a missing cousin, who went missing when he was twelve. We've never found him, or any evidence of his death. Would you mind taking a simple DNA test?"

"Uh…"

"Who the hell is it, un?"

"Madara."

"Oooh, give it here, yeah!" After a small struggle, Deidara came on the line. "Madara, quit bothering Tobi, un! Go fuck your husband or something, un!"

"He's asleep."

"Hmm. So you did, didn't you, yeah?"

"Keep your nose out of my business."

"And you keep yours out of Tobi's, un!"

"What is your problem? I was talking to him, not you." Deidara was looking at Tobi now, who was standing awkwardly before him.

"Just make it quick, all right, un." Tobi was put on the line and Madara heard a door close and knew they were alone.

"Sorry, Sempai is just watching out for me."

"Oh. Well, I've been going through some old pictures of my cousin and Sasuke says they look a lot like you."

"Wouldn't the police have known if a really rich heir went missing and turned up with amnesia?"

"I would assume so."

"Then… why are you the first to figure this all out?"

"I don't know. But can we still go through with this?"

"If it means that much to you…"

"Thank you! Is this Saturday good?"

"Sure."

* * *

That Saturday saw Tobi sitting awkwardly between Madara and Sasuke. He had purposely left Deidara at home, and Zetsu had declined. He had many strange experiences in hospitals, and they made him feel weird. So the two remaining Uchiha heirs sat with a possible third. "So you work with Itachi?" Sasuke asked.

"Um… yeah…"

"And Deidara does?"

"Yeah."

"To think when I met him, I was so close to finding Itachi-"

"Please, let's not bring that up," Madara said hastily. "I hear you like sweets, Tobi."

"Yeah."

"Remember that time Obito stole your dango?" Madara asked Sasuke.

"That wasn't me, that was Itachi."

"Oh. Was it really?"

"Yeah, Itachi likes dango more than me."

"Oh yeah." A doctor came out.

"Are you Madara Uchiha?" she asked. Madara stood up. "The results are back. The DNA matches perfectly." Madara sat back down, eyes wide in shock. Sasuke turned to Tobi.

"Welcome back, Obito."


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Hello! I just got home from the most amazing experience of my entire life! I drove with my friend and her older sister from California to Wisconsin, met her very... American... family, and drove back. Anyway, about this chapter: I know it's short. But let me tell you, it's a bang! Ahem. I haven't had a lot of time to write. But there's also a few inside jokes some of you might not get. One of them is room 201. Read 'That Day in a Hospital Room'. You can find it on my profile. The other one has to do with a chair and a table, and who sits where. If you gon't get it or remember it, feel free to ask in your review.

Now that I know how I want this whole blasted thing to end, I'll be updating more! And I'll dry my darndest! Enjoy, and please review!

-WhirledPeace

* * *

Kakuzu and Hidan lay on the couch, watching the news. "And in other news, the long-lost Obito Uchiha had been found living on California with amnesia. We have our reporters on the scene right now." Hidan fell off the couch in shock, and Kakuzu sat bolt upright.

"What the hell?" Hidan cried.

"-we're glad to have a member of our family back," Madara was saying. Tobi and Sasuke were standing beside him. Sasuke looked bored, and Tobi looked ecstatic. Deidara was next to Tobi, looking rather lost and tired. Fugaku was nowhere to be seen.

"How did you find him?" asked the reporter to Madara. Madara wore dark glasses, and was hoping he was facing the right way.

"Well, I met him at Akatsuki when our businesses became partners. It's nagged at me, since he looks so much like Obito, and finally when Sasuke met him we decided we'd better get a test."

"I see. How does it feel, Obito, to find your family again?" The reporter turned to Tobi.

"Call me Tobi," he said. "And it feels awesome! It'll be nice to have somewhere to go for Christmas."

"Why has no one drawn the conclusion before?"

"That is something we will be taking up with the detectives on the case," Madara said curtly. "As for now, we're glad to have Obito- Tobi- back."

"Do you plan on taking part in anything related to the Uchiha enterprise?" the reporter asked Tobi.

"Nope. I'm sticking with Akatsuki," Tobi replied. Deidara yawned. The reporter seemed to be at a loss for questions, and so turned to Deidara.

"And how do you feel about this?" he asked. Deidara shrugged.

"Pretty cool he now has access to a fortune, yeah," he said. The reporter nodded. Suddenly, he turned to Madara.

"Is it true you've now married a man?" he asked. Madara licked his lips, brow sweating.

"Yes."

"Is that him right there?" The camera panned to catch Zetsu talking to one of the camera men. He looked over, a bit surprised, then looked at the reporter.

"Yes?"

"How do you feel being married to an Uchiha heir?"

"Aggravated."

"Why?"

"He has a million maids and won't pick up his socks." The reporter laughed.

"Do you use any of his fortune?"

"Not really. I haven't read their entire library yet, so I have no reason to spend money." The reporter laughed again.

"Did you have any idea Tobi might be part of the Uchiha family?"

"No," Zetsu sighed. "I'm sad to say that many people have light skin and black hair."

"I see. How do you feel about all the hate your marriage is attracting?"

"I really couldn't care less. I don't read my mail and I have a spam block on my e-mail," Zetsu replied calmly. "I have better things to do than rationalise with people whose best argument is screaming 'fag' from afar." Zetsu glanced at the camera man he had been talking to. "I didn't catch it, what were your views on communism?" The camera panned back to the Uchiha heirs.

"It seems like everything is working out for you. Do you have any plans for the future?"

"We're going to go on as usual, except as a complete family," Madara answered. Sasuke wrapped an arm around Tobi's shoulders, leading him away. Deidara looked up, rather lost, before Tobi turned around and grabbed his hand, kissing him full on the mouth. Madara walked into the reporter.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't-"

"Oh shut up," Zetsu muttered, grabbing his hand and leading him away. The reporter, rather flustered, turned back to the camera.

"And that's all." Hidan climbed back up on the couch, settling in against Kakuzu.

"You'd kiss me on national television, wouldn't you?" he asked cutely. Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"Probably just to shut you up." Hidan laughed, pecking Kakuzu on the lips.

* * *

Kakuzu was in the kitchen when it happened. Hidan was in the hall, shouting into the kitchen about dinner, when he heard a thud. Panicking, Hidan ran into the kitchen, finding Kakuzu face up on the floor. "Kakuzu!" Hidan screamed, almost running to his side. But then he remembered and ran to the phone, dialing 911. "Help, he had a heart attack! Help!"

"Calm down. Give us your address." After rattling it off, Hidan took deep breaths, trying to calm down. "We'll send an ambulance over immediately. Can you perform CPR?"

"Yes."

"Do it." Hidan dropped the phone and ran over to Kakuzu's side, turning his lover's face and placing his hands on his chest. Taking a deep breath, Hidan pressed their mouths together and blew. He felt Kakuzu's lungs inflate, and then he pressed, expelling the air. He repeated this procedure until the paramedics arrived and separated them. Hidan sat back on the kitchen floor in a daze, watching as the paramedics hoisted his love onto a stretcher and carried him hurriedly down to the ambulance. Hidan followed hazily, feeling it was all a dream.

As they came to the ambulance the paramedics, by some stroke of luck, allowed Hidan to ride with them to the hospital. They got Kakuzu an oxygen mask, and used the AED. Hidan prayed to anyone or thing that would listen for Kakuzu to survive this. He just hunched over and held his stomach, hoping now he wouldn't be sick. After ages they arrived at the hospital and they unloaded Kakuzu, spiriting him off to some unknown part of the hospital and leaving Hidan in the waiting room. Hidan collapsed onto a seat.

* * *

Everything had happened so fast. First Kakuzu was making a salad, the next thing Hidan knew he was sitting in a hospital, feeling like his own heart had been torn out. Hands trembling, Hidan got out his phone, dialing it and putting it to his ear. "Hello, un?"

"Kakuzu… hospital-"

"I'll be there, un. Give me the address."

"St. Agnes'…"

"On my way, un." And Deidara hung up. Hidan hung up as well, placing the phone on the arm of his chair. He then collapsed in tears, not caring if anyone was even in the room. His sobs and shrieks of anguish would be heard throughout the entire wing, and a few spared him a sympathetic glance. His tears flowed around his fingers and down his arms, but he couldn't care less. His Kakuzu was dying and there was nothing he could do. Nothing. This helplessness ate away at his sole like a fiery worm, leaving a jagged emptiness behind. Helpless he was indeed, helpless to ease his only love's suffering.

* * *

Eventually he felt someone next to him and an arm around his shoulders, but he couldn't feel the warmth. To him it was just pressure. There was no love if Kakuzu wasn't there calling him an idiot. He heard hushed, soothing words, but they didn't even get past his skin. His heart could not recognize anything except sorrow.

* * *

"Hidan, darling, please wake up, un." Hidan looked around blurrily. He must have dozed off. He sat up, finding he had been resting in Deidara's lap. "Tobi's got the car, un." Hidan's tears didn't stop, and Deidara helped him up, holding him all the way to the car, and held him in the back seat of the car, but Hidan couldn't feel it. He was lost in a world of dark despair into which no light could penetrate. Deidara talked all he wanted, but Hidan couldn't draw any consolation from it.

* * *

Hidan awoke to find himself in a bed. Confused, he looked around, wondering where he was. The door to the bedroom opened and Deidara walked in. He walked over and sat down on the bed next to Hidan. "How are you feeling, un?" Deidara asked. Hidan groaned and looked away. "We have some eggs and toast in the kitchen. You need to eat, un." Hidan shook his head. Deidara calmly took Hidan's arm, helping him up, dragging him into the kitchen. Tobi was sitting on the table, munching on toast. Deidara deposited Hidan in a chair. Getting out a plate, he then began to pile it up with eggs. Hidan just glared at it moodily. "Come on darling, eat up, un," Deidara said. Hidan shook his head. "Hidan, please, you need something in your stomach, yeah."

"Tell me about Kakuzu," Hidan demanded. Deidara licked his lips. He was sitting on the table next to Hidan, who was in the chair.

"I talked to the doctors last night, yeah. He had a heart attack, and needs a transplant very fast, hmm. But there's still a chance…"

"Don't. I've deluded myself enough. Kakuzu's not going to get a transplant." Tears flowed down Hidan's face, and Deidara wrapped his arms around him, kissing his silvery hair.

"It's all right, un. I'm here, yeah." Hidan sobbed, and couldn't feel the warmth in Deidara's words or touch. There was only one way he could feel warm ever again.

Hidan leapt up and ran to the bathroom, getting sick into the toilet. Deidara followed him, holding Hidan's hair from his face and rubbing his back. After a moment Hidan got up and groaned, spitting into the sink and leaning heavily against the wall. Deidara grabbed a cup and filled it with water, handing it to his friend. Hidan drank gratefully before sighing, calming himself. Deidara helped him back to the table and sat him down. "When can I see him?" Hidan demanded.

"During visiting hours, un," Deidara replied. "He was asleep when we left last night, but he might be awake, yeah." Deidara sat on the table next to Hidan, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Eat first, un. You need something in your stomach, yeah." Hidan slowly began eating the eggs on his plate. Deidara sighed, relieved, and exchanged a worried look.

* * *

The little trio arrived at the hospital later that morning, and located Kakuzu in room 201. He was awake, but barely. Hidan collapsed next to him, grabbing his hand and looking desperately into Kakuzu's dark, hazy eyes. "Kakuzu?" he asked, tears already flowing down his face.

"Come on, Tobi, let's go find the doctor, yeah," Deidara said, heart aching at the sight of Hidan and Kakuzu. The two left, leaving Hidan to simply lie by his lover.

* * *

"So what's happening?" Deidara asked the doctor, crossing his arms over his chest. Her heels made her taller than him, and she looked down at him.

"He needs a transplant within the week or else he'll die," she said. Deidara bit his lips.

"So how does he get a transplant?"

"Someone with his blood type died and gives their heart away."

"I see, un." Deidara sighed. "You look awfully young to be a doctor, hmm."

"I'm training to be one," the nurse replied sheepishly. Deidara nodded. "You actually look rather familiar yourself."

"Hmm?"

"When was the last time you came to a hospital?" she asked. Deidara eyed her.

"Why?"

"Just wondering where I've seen you before."

"I was here last night when we brought my friend in, yeah."

"I don't work Saturdays, I work Fridays and Sundays." Deidara was growing uncomfortable. Tobi stepped in.

"Can you tell us more about Kakuzu's condition?"

"Sure."


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Ahem. ANNOUNCEMENT: I SUPPORT ZetTobi or TobiZet. Hell, I also support KisaDei. But calling them partners or lovers or what have you just because they chanced to have a conversation doesn't mean they have anything to do with each other. Ok, so Xetsu (XD Read: How We Find Love) is around Tobi a little more than Kisame is around Deidara, but are you seeing what I'm saying? All sources indicate Tobi and Zetsu are NOT partners. I was only pointing that out. Tobi's partner is DEIDARA.

On the other hand, my sister wanted to sleep in my bed with me last night! It was soooooooooooo cute!!! XD SQUEEE! On with the story!

-WP

* * *

Deidara left Tobi and the car with Hidan. The silver-haired man could not be dragged from Kakuzu's side, and Deidara wasn't about to. So now he was on a mission to pick up some takeout and take care of Kakuzu and Hidan's apartment. He grabbed a taxi and headed to the nearest takeout place, where he got some chicken and rice, with chow mein. After purchasing it, Deidara went back to the hospital and dropped it off. "Make sure he eats, all right, un? I know he doesn't want to, but tell him I said so, yeah. I have a few things to take care of, hmm." Deidara pecked Tobi on the lips and headed off again. Hidan was unmoving, chair pulled up next to the bed, collapsed next to Kakuzu.

Deidara got to his friend's apartment and looked around. He recognized the radio, that used to be his Dana's. Shaking his head, Deidara walked into the kitchen and, after cleaning up the remnants of an ominous half-finished salad, found the phone. He pressed the button. "You have ONE new message. BEEP: Hidan, darling, just Mommy here. Your father… isn't doing so well. He was in a car accident a few days ago, and he's doing very poorly. Please call me back." Something in the woman's voice made Deidara think of his own mother. A murderer, yes, coldhearted, yes, but still, a woman with a child. Deidara quickly jotted down her number and punched it into the phone.

"Hello? Hidan?"

"No, actually, a friend of is, un."

"Oh. Just a friend, right?"

"Yeah, un. He's sort of busy with a friend at the hospital, so I was checking his answering machine and got your message, yeah."

"I see."

"How… how is he doing, un?"

"Not too good."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Listen, I don't think Hidan's going to be able to get back to you for a long, long time, un. There's a lot going on, so I just wanted to let you know that, hmm."

"Oh, I wasn't expecting him to call me. I don't really want him to, anyway. He's never been that great of a son." Deidara didn't say anything. "You know, you sound pretty young. How about I take you instead of him?" Deidara ignored this.

"Anyway, just wanted to say he might not call you back for a while, un. Bye." Deidara hung up, placing the phone back on its hook. He rubbed his forehead, taking deep breaths. He had to stay strong for Hidan.

* * *

Days passed. Hidan took time off work and lived at the hospital, depending on Deidara or his bitch (as Hidan called him) to bring him food. Neither complained. He drifted in and out of sleep, and only awoke when some pink haired nurse kicked him out. Then Deidara would always be there, dragging him to the car and helping him to bed.

This went on. Hidan couldn't sleep at night at home, and usually fell asleep next to his Kakuzu. He didn't know if Kakuzu woke up, but he never saw him. But they felt each other, in their brief touches, in their shared breaths, and in the miraculous beating of Kakuzu's heart.

* * *

Hidan sat next to Kakuzu and fell asleep again. When he woke, he saw Kakuzu's green eyes staring at him. Hidan smiled, licking his lips. "Hey," he said shakily.

"Hi," Kakuzu replied, voice hoarse and unstable. "I saw… Deidara… just now…" Kakuzu coughed. Hidan got up and leaned over Kakuzu, holding his hand. "He said you… had been spending… all your time…. here…" It pained Hidan how much trouble Kakuzu was having.

"Oh yeah? What else would you expect from me?"

"Nothing more… than you driving yourself insane… and nearly dead." Kakuzu took a deep breath. "Deidara seems… happy…"

"He's not. This whole thing has him torn up. We all love you, Kuzu, don't-"

"That's not… what I meant…" Hidan stayed silent. "I meant aside… from keeping you alive…" Kakuzu coughed. "I meant… in general…"

"Oh. But that's just Deidara." Hidan was afraid he knew what was coming.

"But he's… happy." Their eyes met, Kakuzu and Hidan's, Kakuzu's pained and Hidan's scared. "Hidan, there's a chance… I may die. Can you… make a… promise?" Hidan licked his lips, nodding, slowly. "If I… die… promise me… you'll find another." Hidan's eyes widened, his mouth falling open. A few tears slipped from his eyes. "I couldn't die happy… if I knew… you would become a martyr… for me."

"I- I-" Hidan tried. He had to say something. But what would a little lie matter to a dying man? Shaking, Hidan gave a nod. Kakuzu relaxed, sighing slightly. He could lie, if it would help Kakuzu be at peace.

* * *

"I'm sorry ma'am, it seems your husband has passed on," the doctor said. The woman sighed.

"He was such a nice one, too. Not like my first husband, oh no, that fucker killed himself. Now this one died of… what was it again?"

"A brain tumor, ma'am."

"Oh yes."

"But there is something very serious I must ask you." The doctor knelt down before the woman. "Your husband is still able to help people. We can donate his organs for transplant, if only you give permission."

"Did he have a rare blood type?" the woman asked.

"No, he had one of the more common ones, O+. But give the word and he can save lives." The woman laughed.

"Of course. Sell all his organs, the bastard! What should I care?" The woman smiled insanely. The doctor shivered.

"Thank you, ma'am."

* * *

Deidara walked into the hospital room that afternoon, Tobi trailing affectionately behind him. "Hey, sweetie, un," he said softly, rousing Hidan from his sleep.

"Huh?"

"I brought takeout, yeah."

"I'm not hungry."

"Hidan, you need to eat, hmm."

"I can't."

"Hm?"

"Kakuzu hasn't woken up." Hidan gulped, and hugged his blond friend around the middle, pressing his face to Deidara's stomach. Deidara handed Tobi the takeout and hugged Hidan. Tobi bit down his jealousy looked through the food, and wrapped an arm around Deidara's waist. Suddenly, the door burst open and the nurse rushed in excitedly into the room, blushed at seeing three men hugging, and cleared her throat. All three turned to her.

"Kakuzu has just been approved for a transplant. A heart had come in from Alabama. He is scheduled for transplant immediately." Tobi gasped and smiled, but Deidara looked down and saw Hidan close to fainting. "We need to take him immediately to the surgery room." The nurse checker her watch as another doctor came in. "You can come back tomorrow morning-"

"No point in telling them if they're not relations," the doctor snapped, eyeing Hidan in disdain. Hidan didn't notice, but Deidara did.

"And you would be the surgeon in question, un?" he asked curtly.

"Yes." Deidara's nose twitched. Tobi recognized this sign of extreme emotion, and stepped between the surgeon and Deidara to prevent, in his mind, a cat-fight.

"Come on, we'll come back tomorrow," he said, grabbing Deidara, the takeout bag, and bowing to the doctor and nurse, dragged both out, and Deidara clung desperately to Hidan, who walked rather like a prisoner to his death.

* * *

They ate the lunch in relative silence, Deidara, not having vented his anger, eyed Hidan as he picked at his broccoli. Tobi, knowing from experience that, if Deidara were to pick a bone with Hidan he would either pick it or sulk, both of which were better left without interference, stayed quiet and ate his chow mien in silence. Finally Deidara set down his fork rather violently. "What's bothering you, un?" he asked. Hidan mumbled something and stabbed his broccoli spitefully.

"It's not a very good survival rate for these types of surgeries," Hidan muttered. "And there's still a chance he may die even once he get a knew heart."

"But at least there's a _chance_, hmm," Deidara argued.

"I'm done with small chances. The odds are against him." Deidara sighed, trying to calm himself.

"But he's in surgery right now getting a lifesaving transplant so you two can have more time together, no matter what happens, un."

"I've been naïve about all of this long enough. It's time I wake up from this little dream."

"What dream, un? He's being saved as we speak, yeah!" Hidan looked up angrily at his blond friend's words.

"Don't pretend you know what it's like," he spat before he realized what he was saying. "Don't pretend I'm consolable, and everything's going to be just peachy!"

"But it _is_, Hidan!" Deidara cried. Hidan leapt from the table, glaring at his wronged friend and, having not much better to say to said friend than to possibly either insult his lineage or appearance, ran from the room to fling himself down in the bedroom on the bed. And, of course, not without slamming as many doors as he possibly could. Deidara sighed, leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his hair.

"Deidara?" Tobi ventured softly.

"I'm certainly relieved, un," Deidara said. "He's thinking clearly, hmm."

"But things are going to be all right, right?" Tobi asked. "Everything's going to be OK, right?" Deidara smiled at him in a bitter sad manner.

"Perhaps," he said, humoring his childish lover. "I think I'll allow him to cry a bit before I go and console him."

* * *

A few hours later Deidara stole into the bedroom, sitting quietly next to Hidan. He didn't speak. He knew Hidan would when he was ready. At long length the silver-haired head raised itself from the pillows. "I suppose you'll want an apology," he mumbled." Deidara chuckled.

"I'm not that cruel, un." There was a long silence. "I do recall you once mentioned, in passing, that I only have two moods: cruel and seducing. So which am I to be now?"

"You're not making sense." Deidara sighed.

"I know what you want, and I'm not going to give it to you."

"Just do it. You know you want to." Deidara pursed his lips and shook his head.

"Nope. Not going to."

"Please?" Hidan looked up pleadingly. Deidara grinned.

"No, you're too much of a dear, un," he replied. Hidan wrinkled his nose.

"So that's a good friend for you!" he huffed.

"No, that's a best friend for you, un," Deidara said. "A good friend would do anything you asked. A great friend knows what's good for you." Hidan, to hold back a chuckle, scowled forcefully at his best friend. Deidara twisted his mouth into a smile and leaned down, poking Hidan's nose. "You, sir, are the snobbiest little dear I have ever met, un." Hidan's glare worsened. Deidara merely laughed. "Scowl all you like, for all the good it'll do you. I still won't do it, un." Hidan sighed, flopping down on his back.

"You're being cruel."

"It's better than the alternative, hmm." Hidan sighed, closing his eyes.

"I can't stomach how attached I am," Hidan said after a long moment of silence. "If I couldn't have him, I would have no problem with dying. I feel like I'd have to. That scares me. It's like I'm not in control of my own life." Deidara sighed, stroking Hidan's hair soothingly.

"Nobody's going to make you do anything, Hidan. And if anything goes wrong, I'll do everything I possibly can for you, and more, un." Hidan closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It's just this whole thing has me in a state. It's really got my nerves shot. I don't-" Hidan gulped. "I don't want to fall prey to that delusion that everything is fine and going to continue on forever."

"Then why don't you give it a try, and I'll be here if it doesn't work out, hmm?" Hidan gulped thickly and clung to his friend. Deidara sighed and comforted him as the sobs wracked him. "And no, not every time you break down you can attempt to cajole me into fighting with you." Eventually Deidara pulled away from him, drying Hidan's eyes with his sleeve, and looking down at him. "Why don't we go and have a bit of dinner, un."

"Oh?" Hidan sat up, looking at his friend.

"Yeah, I made Tobi cook, un. I know you hate my cooking because I use too many onions, yeah." Deidara helped Hidan up and to the dining room, where Tobi was cooking spaghetti and meatballs, and acting cheery. Deidara only smacked Tobi upside the head three times, and he and Hidan only made about a dozen or so meatball jokes. On the whole, it was a very successful dinner.

* * *

_"…the fuck?" Kakuzu stood up and looked around. Everything was white. 'Oh great, I've wandered into a random white void', he thought. Looking around, he found a man standing in a strange symbol of a triangle in a circle. He had pale skin and dark hair, and a large, toothy grin. In his hand, he held a still beating heart. Kakuzu couldn't help what he said next._

__

"Aren't you cold without a shirt?" he asked. The man looked slightly taken aback.

"Uh…"

"And if you're not using that heart it should be given up for transplant, since it's still in working condition." Kakuzu crossed his arms over his chest. The man looked outright startled.

"Now listen here. My name is Jashin." Kakuzu paused.

"You're a relative of Hidan's?"

"What? No. Well, in a sense, I-"

"You're not his step-father, are you?"

"No! Will you listen? I'm his god!" Kakuzu stared.

"I always knew he was a narcissist."

"Is that a religion?"

"Yes, for Hidan. Worshiping his own last name." Jsahin slapped a hand, one that wasn't holding the heart, to his face.

"Ok, forget who I am. Just know this: I'm in charge."

"You'll have to speak to Konan about this. As far as I know, she's in charge." Jashin glared at Kakuzu.

"I'm in charge of even her. And Pein. And Madara."

"I'm pretty sure Zetsu has that last role covered." Jashin growled.

"Why do you always do this?" he cried. "Whenever we end up like this, you're always like this! Can't you just shut up and let me explain something?"

"Explain what? I've only been being inquisitive."

"You always fucking say that!" Jashin threw the heart on the ground.

"Hey! That was a perfectly good heart!" Kakuzu cried. Jashin grinned.

"Got your attention now, huh? Good. I'm going to ask you a single question: do you love Hidan?" After asking this, Jashin bent and picked up the heart.

"Yes," replied Kakuzu without hesitation.

"Oh?" asked Jashin, giving the heart in his hand a squeeze. "Are you sure?"

"It's fading!"

__

"What if it cost you your life?" The heartbeat began to slow.

"Yes."

"Get him on the machine, now!"

__

"You would die rather than lie?" Jashin asked, the heart slowing down even more.

"We're losing him!"

__

"Yes." Jashin grinned, and the heart stopped. Kakuzu gasped, clutching at his chest and falling to his knees. Jashin smirked.

"I love bringing you to your knees," he said. "I love you groveling in pain before me." Jashin cupped Kakuzu's chin. "Do you think you're dead?"

"N-no," gasped Kakuzu.

"Do you think you're going to die?"

"Eventually."

"Not now?"

"N-no."

"Why?" asked Jashin.

"B-because H-Hidan w-would k-kill himself. I-I'll only d-die when h-he'll come w-willingly with me." Kakuzu gasped and groaned in pain between his words, but he would finish his sentence even if it killed him. Jashin merely chuckled. He bent and kissed Kakuzu's hair.

"You're exactly right. Your answer never changes. But you're absolutely right. When you two die, it'll be within the same hour of each other." The heart began to beat again and Kakuzu sighed, collapsing onto the ground. Jashin knelt next to him, and as the doctor placed a heart in Kakuzu's body, Jashin placed a heart in Kakuzu's soul.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Second to fucking-last chapter! WOO! I know, it's fucking SHIT, but I've been working real hard on other things. Read "I'm Sure It Was Art" because I'm planning on wrapping it up as well! Please enjoy and review, and don't ask what I've been up to. I know I'm late.

-WhirledPeace

* * *

The next day Hidan was the first to wake up. "Take the bed," Deidara had said. "I'll take the couch, so don't worry, un."

"What about Tobi?" Deidara looked at Tobi as if contemplating this for the first time.

"He can sleep on the floor, yeah." And so it was that Hidan got the bed. He knew Deidara was trying to make him feel more at home, but nothing would feel like home until he could fall asleep next to Kakuzu.

Hidan awoke and found he just wanted to keep sleeping. He wasn't tired, but he didn't want to deal with the world. And then he remembered last night and leapt from the bed, only throwing on a shirt and a pair of pants over his boxers before leaving the bedroom. He found Deidara and Tobi both asleep on the couch and felt a pang in his heart. Since Sasori's death, Hidan had felt it was unfair of Deidara to so quickly jump to Tobi. It was sort of as if he were abandoning the group's original settings. But now he understood now the position Deidara had been in. Hidan walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bagel, chomping into it. After sitting at the table for a few minutes wondering of many things, one of which being why Deidara didn't throw out completely stale and moldy bagels, Tobi stumbled into the kitchen and straight to the coffee maker. "Would you like any?" he mumbled.

"Yeah. Sure." Tobi promptly filled a cup with coffee and handed it to Hidan. "You're not having any?"

"Never touched any in my life," he replied. There was a silence.

"How late does Deidara typically sleep?"

"Um… I don't know." Hidan decided to stop his inane questioning. Thus commenced a long half-hour of anxious, silent waiting. Eventually, Deidara yawned and promptly fell onto his living room floor. Grumbling and fumbling his way to the kitchen, he groped around for the coffee. Hidan handed him a cup of scalding coffee and he downed it in one gulp. Hidan sighed and shook his head. Tobi was looking at Deidara lovingly, and Hidan glared at him.

"I'm leaving," he announced. Deidara looked up, still groggy.

"Go ahead…" Deidara looked sadly down at his empty cup. Tobi was about to get him another one, when Hidan pushed him out of the way.

"I'll get it," he snapped. Tobi stood back. Deidara accepted the cup and sipped at it.

"Say hi from me, un," Deidara said. Hidan took this as his cue to leave and grabbed the keys, heading out the door. He couldn't stand Tobi. Screw what he had thought before, the kid deserved to die.

* * *

Upon arriving at the hospital, Hidan was intercepted by a nurse. "I'm afraid you're not allowed to see the patient, yet," she said. Hidan glared at her.

"I was told-"

"Wrong. I don't want to alarm you, but they're just running some extra tests. I've been told things are abnormal."

"Abnormal?" Hidan echoed. "Bitch, you told me-"

"Assuming everything had gone according to plan yes, you would have been able to see the patient this morning, but he wouldn't have been very animated. I would recommend talking to my superior, but she's in charge of whatever's going on and won't be free until lunch. You can speak with her then." The woman turned to leave, and Hidan gave her the finger behind her back.

"Stupid pink-haired bitch," he muttered. Defiantly, he chose a seat and a good magazine, and prepared himself to wait.

* * *

At roughly 11:30 am, the nurse brought another woman up to Hidan. He stood and they shook hands. "I'm sorry I've never properly introduced myself. My name is D. Shizune."

"Hidan," Hidan said gruffly. "What's going on with Kakuzu?" Shizune smiled.

"I didn't mean to alarm you before, when I told my assistant to tell you that things were abnormal. Things were healing more rapidly than normal, and we were afraid we'd have to open up again to correct anything that night have gone wrong. But as it is, there's nothing wrong. We took an x-ray, and everything seems normal. But you won't be able to see him until tomorrow." Hidan gave her a reproachful look.

"This is insane!" Shizune looked sympathetic.

"I understand. Tomorrow, I swear, you'll be able to see him." Hidan sighed and turned, not even bothering to say goodbye.

* * *

Hidan stormed into the building, swearing and cursing. The door to Deidara's office opened and the blonde poked his head out.

"What's up, un?" he asked.

"That stupid nurse said I could come back tomorrow! God-fucking- ARGH!" Hidan slammed his head against the wall.

"Glad to have you back, Hidan," came an icy voice from behind him. "Now stop ruining my building." Hidan turned to see Konan standing there, completely professional, arms crossed. Hidan launched himself at her, giving her a bear hug which she returned. "Are you planning on working or just sitting around?"

"I might do a little bit of work," he said slowly, thinking.

"Whatever suites you until Kakuzu gets out of the hospital. Then I'm working you like you've never worked before." Konan nodded at Deidara and left back to her office. Kisame came out of his office then, along with Itachi. Zetsu came from further down the hall, and they all stood around Hidan, asking him things, offering advice or assistance. Hidan thanked them all and then retold the entire story. Once he was finished they all stood there, amazed. Then Tobi came running up to them, panting from the exertion of running all the way from the lobby.

"Hi-Hidan," Tobi panted. "Have you been to your apartment recently?" Hidan shook his head. He'd been staying with Deidara. "Your mother has been calling non-stop for the past day or so. Will you please talk to her?" Hidan wrinkled his nose. The last person on earth he'd want to talk to right now was his mother.

"Tell her to fuck off." This made a lot of people around him feel uncomfortable. Hidan then remembered Kisame was the only one there who even remembered his mother. "In the politest way possible." Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Just talk to the woman, un! She bothered to call, yeah!"

"Why should I?"

"You're a brat, you know that, un? Go talk to her, yeah." Hidan sighed and walked off. If he was going to call his mother, he was going to make the company pay for it. He pushed Tobi away from his desk and picked up the phone, dialing the number he really didn't want to right then.

"Hello?" a woman answered.

"Hi… mom?" Hidan said, voice quivering ever so slightly.

"Oh hello Hidan darling! Are you all right?"

"Yeah…"

"How's your friend?"

"My friend?" Hidan echoed hollowly.

"The one in the hospital."

"Fine. He… he got the transplant."

"Oh I'm so glad to hear that. Listen, this may not be the right time, but there's something I have to tell you about your father."

"He's not my father."

"All right, all right. But he's dead anyway, so it doesn't matter." Hidan dropped the phone. With a few choice swear words he picked it back up.

"Excuse me?"

"Dead. He's dead. Your brother and sister are both coming for the funeral."

"When is it?"

"Next Tuesday."

"Can't."

"Well that's a shame. What about Christmas? I talked to a friend of yours who seemed like a sweetie. Why not bring him?"

"I'm not coming."

"Oh please? It would be so good to have the whole family come. You don't have to stay for the whole time, just eat something! I don't care if you bring your huge hairy man lover in leather!" Hidan dropped the phone again, and again picked it up.

"What did you say?" he asked incredulously.

"I meant that I'm done caring if you're dating men! It was your father who always had the problem with it. So come, make a splash, dress like a fucking fag, I don't care! But at least sit down at a table with your own family and celebrate the birth of our lord Jesus!" Hidan dropped the phone yet again, but scrambled faster to pick it up.

"If you were all right with all this, why did you let me stand there and get yelled at all those years? Why did you just stand by?"

"Because I was trapped in a loveless marriage, all for the sake of my children! Since your father died, I've only wanted to give you a father! So I married him, and he was a jackass, but I stayed because of my children!" Hidan tried not to drop the phone again. "But I'm done caring! I'm done giving a shit! He's dead, and that's that! So are you fucking coming to Christmas or not?" Hidan opened his mouth, stammered noiselessly, then closed it, gulping.

"Sure," he said. "I'll see if I can get some time off."

"Good. And you'll bring…?"

"Uh… his name's Kakuzu… he's the one who just got the heart transplant."

"Well then, good for him. I'll call you back tomorrow." And she hung up. Hidan hung up as well, head spinning. In a daze, he made his way back to his office. Deidara followed him.

"You want me to come over tonight, un?" he asked. Hidan smiled.

"I'd like that."

"Oh, Hidan? Can I see you in my office?" Hidan turned to see Konan.

"Sure."

* * *

"Hey." Kakuzu's eyes opened, kind of sticky, but he attempted a smile as Hidan walked in. Hidan smiled sadly, tears forming in his eyes.

"Hey," he replied, walking into the room and looking his lover over. "You're looking well for a heart transplant victim."

"We're called patients, Hidan." Hidan rolled his eyes and snorted.

"Not the Kuzu I know," he replied. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "So how have you been?"

"Tired, a lot. No one wants to tell me what's going on."

"Ah. Harsh." Hidan pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. "Told me yesterday I couldn't see you because you were healing too fast. Bastards." Kakuzu chuckled.

"To think you could heal too well."

"Yeah. Apparently they weren't expecting it, and had to run some tests. I suppose this is all very hazy for you."

"Yeah." They sat in silence.

"Things are a lot the same, actually," Hidan said. "I want to tie Tobi up and chuck him off the edge of the world, Konan's still a bitch, everyone's just happy and grateful to be alive. And that you're alive." He leaned forward in his seat and took Kakuzu's hand. "No one's more grateful that you exist than I am, Kakuzu." They stayed like that for a moment, emotion pouring between their eyes, before Deidara burst in.

"All right, lovebirds, break it up, un," he said, leaning on Hidan. Kakuzu was looking bewildered.

"Oh yeah. Akatsuki also took a fieldtrip to do some undercover work," Hidan explained with a grin. "On gender discrimination, mostly. Could be interesting. Here…" Hidan stood up and took out a camera, snapping a picture of Kakuzu. "There. Where do you think we can put that?"

"In the fireplace," Kakuzu muttered. Deidara laughed.

"Come on, we'll be back later, un." And the two left Kakuzu. "Ok, the main objective is to show discrimination in hospitals, un. Like posing hypothetical questions and asking about their policies. Try to get some pictures of people in charge, un." Deidara began to walk off.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

"There's a few people I need to have a word with, un," Deidara replied with a sadistic smirk. "Have fun, yeah!" Hidan rolled his eyes, and began walking around, wondering what he should take a picture of.

* * *

"So, supposing a man was married with no other family, un. Who would you call?"

"His wife, obviously," the woman said, looking slightly annoyed.

"His husband, un," Deidara corrected, jotting that down.

'Wait, it if was a man, that's not considered marriage." Deidara looked up innocently from his notebook.

"It isn't, un? So what if he died, yeah?"

"Then that would be a tragic loss, and his home phone would be called."

"What if his husband wasn't home, un?"

"Then he would get the message eventually." Deidara nodded.

"And-"

"Look, sir, I'm very busy. I don't have time for your questions. You can talk to my assistant." Deidara was redirected to a brunette woman by the name of Shizune.

"Hello, I can answer any of your questions."

"Um… right, un. How do you identify patients, un?"

"Mostly that's up to the authorities, but we look through their wallets usually."

"Would the same visitation rights be given to same sex couples as opposite sex couples, un?"

"Um… Well, same-sex partnerships aren't recognized as marriages…"

"I see, un. And how do you plan to correct this, yeah?"

"Me?"

"Your place of employment, ma'am."

"We're focusing on treating patients, sir. Our policies are for treating patients. Here, I have things to do, you can talk to my assistant." Deidara sighed. How come everyone has an assistant? But soon he was faced with a woman with pink hair and a cheery smile.

"Can I please get some questions answered, un?" he asked, exasperated.

"Where do I know you from?" the young woman asked, cocking her head to one side.

"Uh…" Deidara vaguely remembered her from the night Sasori had died. "Do you read Akatsuki mag?"

"Actually, I do…"

"I'm Deidara, un." The woman grinned.

"Oh yeah! What can I do for you?"

"Just answer some questions truthfully and honestly, and I'll put your picture in our next issue, un." Sakura blushed in pleasure.

"All right. What do you need?"

"In a situation where a patient needs home treatment, and the only family member they have is their roommate, what do you do?"

"We usually send them home with instructions, but home care can usually be handled by the patient."

"Supposing the patient's only family is a same-sex partner, yeah?" Sakura sighed.

"I actually talk to them against policy, but most doctors won't. Don't ask why, bigotry is just deeply seeded everywhere." Deidara grinned.

"Can I publish that, un? Will you get in trouble, yeah?" Sakura shrugged.

"I'd like to see them try." Deidara laughed.

"You feel up to a picture, or want to get dolled up, yeah?"

"Oh, whatever's easiest."

"I'll give Hidan a call, un." Soon they had the photographer there, and Deidara relayed her comments. Hidan smirked.

"All right, sweetie, tilt your head up a bit… good, now give me a dazzling smile. Good!" He snapped three shots. "Very good. I'll talk to Konan about a free issue. Maybe we could work up some advertising thing." Sakura nodded.

"That would be good. I'll make sure you get some extra visiting hours."

* * *

For the records, that particular issue was a sensation. It started loads of cases, and debates, and a few prominent politicians. But because of the controversy, many people started protesting it. But Konan handed them all job applications and sent them home. Only she could talk someone so upside down that they forgot what they were doing and accepted whatever she handed them.

And Kakuzu got out of the hospital in record time. Konan paid him twenty pounds to tell the reporters that it was the extra visitation hours that contributed to his recovery. Policies were changed, and same-sex marriages, after many, many months of court cases, were allowed the rights of hospital visitations.

With all of this going on, Akatsuki stood there, so blasé, so cool, answering all questions with a level head. As always, and forevermore.


	24. Epilogue

A/N: Just the epilogue here! My school got the day off for a staff development day, so I decided to update. And end this freaking story! Enjoy! (WARNING: IS TERRIBLY CHEESY!)

* * *

The sunlight spilled through the window, falling across the table with its two lovers. "Are we going to your mom's place for Christmas again?" Kakuzu asked. Hidan shrugged.

"I don't know. The kids like you." Kakuzu chuckled.

"Can't imagine why." There was a silence.

"You know, Tenten is really growing up. What, she's starting school next year, right?"

"I suppose. Has it really been that long?"

"Yeah. Time flies." Silence again, companionable, though. "You're finally off the medication. God, I thought it would never end." Kakuzu said nothing. He had always never really reacted correctly to the word "God" since his surgery. Hidan dismissed it as a newfound spirituality Kakuzu would never admit to.

"So did I." A long, comfortable silence.

"Kisame finally grew some balls."

"Oh yeah?"

"He proposed to Itachi." Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"I got an e-mail from Deidara this morning."

"I see. Good for them. I assume Itachi accepted…?"

"Oh yes. Thrilled. They're planning the whole thing, slowly of course, but they're getting there."

"Does he have an inscribed ring?" Hidan laughed.

"I don't think anything can beat Zetsu's ring." Kakuzu sighed.

"Well, damn. I suppose I couldn't help but try, though?"

"Kakuzu, what-" Kakuzu stood and walked over to Hidan, getting down on one knee and taking out a ring box, opening it for Hidan to see.

"Hidan, there is no other person in this world I would rather have by my side forever than you. When I lay dying in the hospital, there was no one else I would have be there for my last moments. And… when I do meet my end, I want you to be there. I want to be with you, Hidan. Forever." Hidan opened his mouth, closed it, blinked rapidly, and opened his mouth again.

"Fuck…" he whispered, looking down at the box. "Dumbass… you had to ask?"

"Formally, yes," Kakuzu replied, standing taking Hidan's hand. "I just need one word, and our world can be complete." Hidan grinned.

"You're such a sap," he said. "Closet romantic?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"I guess it's a no, then?"

"Fuck, Kakuzu! It's a yes, and the best damn yes you're going to get!" Hidan lurched to his feet and clasped their lips tightly. When they parted, they were smirking at each other. "Kakuzu, I'm really going to live with you for the rest of my life, die by your side, and be buried next to you. That's enough to make me the happiest man I could possibly ever be." Kakuzu just smiled at his love.

"I know." And they both knew. They had both known, since first laying eyes on each other.

* * *

True to Jashin's word, when they did wind up dying, it was within hours of each other. But Hidan went first. Just by a bit.

Kakuzu found himself back in his prime and standing on a street of shops and restaurants. But only one was in focus, while all the others, even the street, were blurred and unimportant. It was a ramen shop. Kakuzu, with all assurance of a man who's done this many times, walked across the street and into the shop. There was a grill and counter with eleven stools pulled up to it, with a jar on one end. There were already two people seated there. One had a shock of red hair, and the other slicked back silver locks. And they both turned to grin in greeting at Kakuzu as he came in. He took his seat next to Hidan, and saw the cook. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and had brown hair and a sour look. But they nodded at each other in recognition.

Kakuzu reached across Hidan to the jar, popping the lid open and taking out a candy piece. He unwrapped it and put it in his mouth, smiling at the nostalgic taste. On the jar, in orange writing, were the words "Cherry Lollipops". And Kakuzu had found his.


End file.
